


Love, Shelby

by stephyswan



Category: Glee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 15:03:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 67,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13638663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephyswan/pseuds/stephyswan
Summary: Shelby Corcoran always felt incomplete. There was always a piece of her heart that would belong to her daughter that she had lost so many years ago. That void could never be filled. One day, when Rachel Berry walks into her classroom, Shelby begins to believe that it might be possible.(copied from my fanfiction account)





	1. A Crazy Snowy Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if any italics or lack thereof cause this to be confusing. For the better version, view this on my fanfiction page.

The snow falls as I hustle through the graveyard. I pull my blue cloak so that it wraps around me, but it does not help stop the cold from tingling into my bones. The cold wind blowing causes my eyes to water, even though I am already holding back tears. I sniffle and continue moving. My sneakers make tracks in the fresh white snow, and the snow soaks through my socks to my feet.

It's sometime around three in the morning, and I really couldn't give a care if someone tried to stop me. I didn't need people to stare at me while I visited my long lost soul. This is the only time that I can see who I lost so many years ago. I never really got to know them, but they were a part of me, a part that will never ever die. I stumble upon the rock. It is a simple rock, big and black, but it is big enough to hide something. I put it there eleven years ago. On the ground, I had scratched in the picture of a rose eleven years ago. Somehow the scratch in the dirt had stayed there. Just like the scars did.

There is no grave.

I proceed to put a single rose on the marking. I do this every year, but my roses always seem to disappear. Maybe she is collecting them in the afterlife, from the mother she never knew. Maybe she's watching me... I guess I will never know.

I wake up to silence. My sheets have a tingle of cold, and the other side of the bed is empty. I toss and turn for some time, hoping to at least claim a full hour of sleep for my night.

Several hours later, I am greeted by the annoying buzz of my alarm clock. Turning around, I bang my hand onto the alarm clock until it shuts up then wrap myself into the blankets and shove a pillow on top of my head. Five minutes later, the alarm clock goes off again. It wails and wails in a non stop whine of beeps. I know what that means. It's the first day of school. It is the date that everybody dreads. I have been going to the first day of school ever since I was 6. 37 years later, I still was. Okay, so that sounds terribly wrong. I'm a middle school teacher, that's all.

When I was in middle school, I went to a school where the teachers treated the students like their best friends. It was the seventies, everyone had tie dye shirts and puffed hair. I had one teacher, Mrs. Walsh, who taught me that blood means nothing; your family is the people that care about you. Mrs. Walsh was a six foot tall boulder with a soft voice and a very thin frame. People often made fun of her blue hair, but everyone respected her. I myself did not have a personal problem with my family. I was the youngest of four girls and they all loved me because I was the baby. My parents would sometimes fight, but it was the kind of fighting that would resolve in an hour and then the two would be back to loving each other. However, there was a girl who went to school with me named Jenny who had abusive parents. Mrs. Walsh took her under her wing and they really bonded. Things at home for Jenny got really hard, her parents got a divorce and her father began abusing her. There were only two people that knew about this, Mrs. Walsh and myself. Jenny was my best friend, and of course I did not want anything bad to happen to her. We were both so afraid that she would be put in a foster family by social services. Then Mrs. Walsh adopted her. Every time I think back to that day, it makes me smile. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Shelby and Jenny walked down the hallway of McKinley Middle School. Shelby was humming a tune, skipping in her choir dress because of the choir competition later that day. Shelby's long brown hair went halfway down her back, falling into loose curls. Jenny was much more worried than Shelby was, she didn't have to worry whether or not she was going to get hit or worse later that day, whether or not she was going to eat, whether or not she was going to make it through the night at all.

"What do you think this is about?" Shelby stopped humming and looked over at Jenny.

"I have no idea. I don't think this is anything bad." The two girls found their way to the principal's office, where the principal, Mr. Simmons and their sixth grade math teacher Mrs. Walsh were sitting, waiting for them.

"Good morning." The older man, who had begun to be getting a jelly belly similar to that of Santa Claus, and gray hair that was not present in some spots of his head. He wore a Hawaiian type shirt and khaki shorts."I'm glad you were both able to come here on such short notice. I hope you aren't missing anything too important in class."

Shelby at this point was rather antsy. Had the teachers found out about what had happened at home for Jenny? Shelby was the only one that knew all of Jenny's secrets, she was her confidant.

Mr. Simmons looked from Jenny to Shelby. He cleared his throat. "I have been told by an anonymous staff member about some trouble you're having at home."

Oh shit, oh shit. Shelby had thought. They were going to send away Jenny to social services! She was going to have to get into a foster home and... SHIT SHIT SHIT.

"Now, I am sorry to say that you will have to be taken out of your home." Jenny suddenly raged. Her face grew red and she squeezed her knuckles as if to stop from full out punching someone.

"How could you? I told you everything!" Jenny screamed at Mrs. Walsh. Shelby's mouth dropped in shock. Jenny had told Mrs. Walsh?! When did this happen? Why wasn't I there? "You're such a bitch and I-"

"I'm going to adopt you!" Mrs. Walsh jumped up from her chair.

"What?" Jenny's rage turned suddenly into a string of tears. Jenny ran into Mrs. Walsh's arms, and they both cried. Shelby stood in the corner smiling.

This was what Jenny deserved. A superhero. Teachers were superheroes. That was the day Shelby decided she wanted to become a teacher too and make a difference in the lives of children in bad situations.

Jennifer and Elizabeth Walsh lived together until the time we graduated high school. Unfortunately, on the day of our high school graduation, on the way to the graduation Jenny and Elizabeth got into a car crash. Elizabeth survived, Jennifer did not.

At the time, nobody thought it was bad or weird. There were no rules about "hanging out" with teachers. Now there is way too much fuss about safety. Not that I don't understand what these people are coming from, but not all teachers are rapists.

I throw my hair back into a somewhat neat bun, my frizzy messy brown curly hair not really wanting to agree with me. My blue eyes look puffed up because I didn't sleep well, I almost never did... My kids are already at school for football practice. The quiet in the house is nice for once. It does nothing for my massive headache. I grab a big mug of coffee and sit down at the kitchen table, immediately putting my feet up. That does nothing for the pounding in my head. I shove a couple aspirins down my throat. Not that it made any difference.

No matter who I met, they would never mean anything to me.

Until today.


	2. The First Day of School

I shove a random shirt that I have probably had since I started teaching, and random pants on. Teachers look like such nerds on a daily basis, I really did not care what I looked like, on the first day or any other day for that matter.

My white terrier, Erik (like from the Phantom of the Opera), runs over and jumps onto my legs, snuggling into me. They say dogs are a man's best friend. They know when you are upset. This dog clearly is used to me being upset on a daily basis. I am not ready for another school year. Quite frankly, I don't think I ever will be. I became a teacher so that someday I could be just like Mrs. Walsh, but I had a feeling that was not going to happen anytime soon. I wish I could just forget all the pain; it was not doing me any good.

I grunt and throw myself into my car, throwing all the junk I need for today into my back seat. I put in a Coldplay CD because listening to Fix You always solves all problems in the world. On the drive, I try so hard to not fall asleep, as my head continues to throb. I stopped to get a coffee, I was not going to survive without caffeine in my system today.

Once I arrive at school, I plop down onto my desk chair, which greets me with a gentle swish. I could tell it missed me from the three months it had no one to hold. I glanced up at the clock that I always found myself looking at. Another ten minutes before I have to pretend I like kids other than my own.

I push myself through the homeroom period, deep in my own thoughts, yet pretending to be interested in the kids and their questions. I've done this so many times before I don't even need to look at the lesson plans.

The students sit in front of me. As of right now they are analyzing whether or not they like me based on how I act the first day. Everybody knows that you can't judge a teacher on the first day, because it's too early to not be chill.

In front of me sat my third hour class. This was the first class that these middle schoolers had gone to other than homeroom. Some might consider it symbolic.

They all looked up at me, with snorted glares. I could tell I wouldn't like this class, particularly because half of them were chewing gum and playing with their phones under the desk because they thought I couldn't see. Idiots.

"Hey you!" I screamed at the boy in the blue plaid button up, chewing gum and playing on his phone. He had blonde hair and blue eyes. First analysis was that he was one of those kids who thought he was better than everyone else. Not today then.

"May I have your phone?" I stomped over to him on my heels and held my hand out. He rolled his eyes, leaning back and crossing his arms. Testing my patience was not the best way of impressing me.

"Don't make me give you a write up in the first ten minutes.. I don't even know your name kid..." I lowered my anger. This was not going to work.

"It's Adrian, and here, take my phone." He handed me his phone! Success! That class clearly hated me already, but I didn't care! Somewhere inside there had to be a kid who liked me, and those were the kids that I was here for. That's what being a teacher is about, it's teaching kids how to go out into the world.

The bell rang, and another set of twenty five kids shuffled in. I grabbed the seating charts I had already done off my desk and leaned against the counter.

"All of you stand over there, I'll give you your seats... Renae." I pointed to a desk. A tall thin girl with blonde hair in a messy ponytail that I knew from my homeroom came over to me and sat down.

"Taylor." I grunted naturally. Another blonde scurried over, not even wanting to make eye contact with me. She was a child afraid of her own shadow. I would have fun with her later.

I went through the rest of the class, not really paying attention to faces. I was on the second chair of the last row that someone caught my eye.

"Rachel Berry..."

A brown haired girl that was quite short walked over to where I was pointing. She had dark brown eyes, and a Barbra Streisand nose that matched mine. She looked like what I did when I was little.

My mind flashed over to the thought of... no Shelby, that's not possible.

She looked up at me and smiled. Something in her expression just made my heart melt. I had to stop looking at her. I finished the rest of the row, and started talking about extra curricular activities. Yay showchoir! The bell rang, and the kids went to lunch. I went back over to my desk, and ripped the seating chart open. Rachel Berry. Her picture was outdated, because it was from last year. Since then she had gotten her braces off, and...

LeAnn busted into my room. "Hey! We're going out to lunch! Wanna come?" LeAnn had worked at this school for 35 years. I had 8. She was certainly more experienced than I was.

"I don't know... I'm not really hungry." I mumbled, still looking down at the picture of Rachel.

"So did you have Rachel in your classes yet?" This statement made me jump up.

"Rachel?"

"Berry. She looks just like you! She could be your daughter! She's in my third hour social studies class, if you didn't have all boys. She's like a miniature you!"

"Yup," I agreed. I needed to distract myself from all of this. "So where are we going?" I tried to listen to the conversation going on between LeAnn, Barbara, and Catherine, but I couldn't. I picked at the sandwich sitting on my plate. I was not hungry at all. The pain I had tried so hard to get rid of was back.

"Hey," I greeted my best friend Will. He had been here 7 years, teaching alongside me for four of them before jumping up to eighth grade. We were showchoir coaches together and we never ran out of things to talk about.

"Look at all these kids..." Will pointed. We were at the showchoir meeting where we see the group for the first time, and of course Will was going to be doing all the talking. He always did. I was just the loud one who had to yell at the kids to make them listen (and at the same time make them hate me)

I was secretly hoping that Rachel would be joining, but apparently she was not. I needed to get to know that kid, she just reminded me of someone special I lost a long time ago.

"So what's up with you?" Will whispered. He could clearly see that I was lost in my thoughts. I needed to focus. That was my past, this was my future.

"Just thinking about the new kids, that's all." I shrugged nonchalantly.

"And so, practice for auditions will start tomorrow, see you all then!" Will yelled in excitement. The kids all got up from the bleachers, and started out the door. I was walking towards the doors, ready to leave, until I heard a horrible sob. I turned to the direction of the sob.

Scrunched against her own locker sobbing, was Rachel Berry.


	3. I Will Never Let You Know

"Rachel, are you okay?" Will saw me hunched over and ran over to join me. Rachel didn't say anything, she wouldn't even look at me. He looked at her, then at me, tilting his head at me in question of why she looked just like me.

"Why are you still here? School ended over an hour ago..." Will asked her.

"I-I, uh...." she sniffled. "I was waiting for my friend that was in the, uh..."

"Meeting?" I finished.

"Yeah that." She jumped up, running down the hallway and dashed out the lobby doors. I heard the slam of the doors, jumping back at the sound. Will and I began walking towards the lobby in a leisurely manner.

"Do you think she has problems at home?" Will looked at me. I was not going to lie to him. Besides, he knew me too well.

"I, uh, think so. I want to get to know her. Or something. She seems like she needs someone to talk to."

"Oh Shel, you were always the motherly type." Will sang in a sing song voice.

"Maybe it's because I am one." I replied in a operatic sing song voice.

"Well no need to brag." Will was divorced. His ex decided she wanted to move to Vegas, and Will wanted to stay here and teach children. Some might think that that's inspirational. I thought it was cute.

"So, are you going to tell Jen about Rachel?" Jen was the social worker here. As I much as I loved her, the idea of making a kid I just met go talk to the social worker seemed a bit over the edge. I would simply have to take matters into my own hands.

"No. That seems too premature. I'll get to know her first, then decide."

Will rolled his eyes. He could see right through my act. Sometimes I wish he had moved to Vegas and became a professional gambler instead, or maybe a ballerina dancer in a night club.

Half an hour later, I was driving while listening to The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack to calm my nerves, it didn't work. Phantom always calmed my nerves! This was not good.

I arrived at the high school, going to pick up my kid from his afternoon football practice. Jonathan opened the door, throwing his stuff into the back before coming to sit by me in the front. I tried not to wince at the smell of teenage sweat.

"Hi Mom." He greeted in a calm voice.

"Hi," I mumbled in response, not turning to look at him or even acknowledge his presence.

"Are you okay? You seem really distracted. Jonathan continued. She just looked so much like me and-

"MOM!!" I pressed down the brake in a jolt to avoid colliding with another car. What was happening to me? Was I losing it?

"Sorry. I'm fine." I looked over at him. His face told me he didn't believe me. I was fine. I was fine.

"If you say so..." Jonathan reasoned, leaning back against the seat. He turned his head and ignored me for the rest of the drive home.

Once we got home, I threw my keys onto the counter, and didn't even bother to hug my other kid. He looked up at me from his spot on the couch, lounged with his remote in hand while watching the baseball game. As a sophomore, he was getting pretty darn lazy.

"Hi Mom," Jesse said between yawns. I walked right passed him towards the office. I knew what I needed to do. I shoved math papers towards the end of the desk, while opening my laptop. I google searched 'Berry' in the Bay area and was surprised to find absolutely nothing on them. No social networking, no weird jockey websites... weird. Too weird.

I was interrupted from my thoughts when I heard the door open and saw my husband walk in. I throw the laptop down, and picked up my pen. His brown hair looked grayer than usual, and the bags under his eyes looked even worse than usual. As a lawyer, his days never got easier.

"You've been in here for hours. It's only the first day, how could you have papers to grade?" I felt a pang of guilt, but he already had so much on his mind without anything else.

"Well, I wanted to work on planning a surprise party for, uhhhh...." where was I coming from? I couldn't lie to my husband. It just wasn't right.

"Uh, ok. You do that." And he walked away, slowly shutting the door behind him.

Later that night I found him sitting on our back porch swing with his guitar. My husband Tim grew up in Nashville, that's where we met twenty five years ago. I was there for a musical theatre convention and he was playing his guitar and singing in the Bluebird Cafe. That night he bought me a coffee and won me over, just like that.

"I just, don't know what's going on with you Shel. I know you're trying but, you gotta let go." I noticed he had a notebook open, with scribbles of song lyrics. Of course it was a song about me. They always were. He noticed me staring, then wiped off the eraser shavings before handing it to me.

"Try it." He began strumming his guitar.

S: I will hold my head up high  
You will never see me cry  
I'll smile and say I'm good  
But I will fall apart if I could

Both: I'm inside out shot through the centre  
Feel this scar of where you entered  
Took my life and turned it upside down  
I'm burned to ashes split down the middle  
If anyone asks it hurt just a little   
I died inside the day I let you go

But I will never let you know

S: All this time the sky was a liar  
They say that the moon don't shine  
It's just the light from a star   
Well maybe that's the way we are

Both: I'm inside out shot through the centre  
Feel this scar of where you entered   
Took my life and turned it upside down  
I'm burned to ashes split down the middle  
If anyone asks it hurt just a little   
I died inside the day I let you go

But I will never let you know

I'm burned to ashes split down the middle  
And if anyone asks it hurt just a little   
I died inside the day I let you go

But I don't want to let you

I cannot forget you

I will never let you know

"I met this student, and she's 11 years old, and she looks just like me." I mumbled in slurs, while looking down at the ground and picking the lint on my pants.

"Shelby.... that's not possible." He looked at me and furrowed his brows. Of course he thought I was nuts. I thought I was nuts.

"I know. I just can't get it out of my head." That was the truth, and I just couldn't shake the feeling.

"She's gone. You know that." His expression turned flat. The thoughts flowing through my head made me want to burst into tears. Something inside me just made me feel like exploding into an angry fit and punching something or someone. Like it would change what happened.

Not that it could.

Nothing could.

Song: (for my fellow Nashies) I Will Never Let You Know by Clare Bowen and Sam Palladio.


	4. Somewhere Over the Rainbow

The next day, I made sure to pick on Rachel as many times as I could. By this point, all the other children hated me for sure. Not that I cared. I wanted Rachel to trust me. Because I certainly knew that something was fishy.

"Mrs. Corcoran, I don't understand this, can you please explain?" she huffed at me in frustration after I asked her about twenty questions about improper fractions. The worst part is, I knew she was lying. Besides the fact she was blushing, I looked at her homework. Everything was right. Either I had a math genius on my hands or she was paying someone.

"Rachel, you will never learn how to do it if you don't struggle through it yourself. Now first tell me what you do."

Then she huffed again and explained how to do the whole problem in one breath. All the other kids were looking at each other and mouthing 'woah'. I just smirked at her, "you don't understand?"

She frowned at me. I smiled back at her, raising my eyebrows. I assigned homework and flopped back into my chair behind the desk, pretending to be typing an email to some random person.

After the bell for fifth period rang, Rachel walked past me with a look as soft as thunder (well aren't I punny?) I tried so hard not to laugh at her seriousness. I hoped that this was going to help her trust me (somewhat).

And then it hit me.

The next day during Rachel's math class I hovered over her for the whole class period. The students were taking their first math test of the year. I could clearly see Rachel racing right through it, she was such a natural at math. I felt a pang of guilt for what I was about to do, but I knew I had to.

I pretended to look down at my laptop, clicking random keys. A couple of minutes later I walked around the class, watching all the kids pretend to know what they were doing.

"Rachel!" I shouted. "Hallway! Now."

Surprisingly Rachel did not argue at all. She got up from her desk, flipped the test over, and followed me out. She even managed to ignore all the other kids snickering at her.

Once outside, I put on a mad face. "How could you cheat on the test? Your first test, mind you." I crossed my arms and gave her the classic math teacher glare.

To my surprise, Rachel did not even react. She almost looked happy that I was yelling at her. Did I miss something?

"As punishment you will be receiving a zero on this test." Rachel jumped at this.

"Ms. Corcoran.... I..." she almost seemed to be hyperventilating. I felt really guilty for doing this, but I would help her fix her grade later.

"You know, I'm giving extra credit to anyone who tries out for showchoir. It's not too late, they are always looking for new people." I smiled. "Plus, I'm one of the coaches. You can hang out with me!"

Rachel seemed to double take, looking down at her thin little legs. Being in show choir helps you to find your voice, I knew that much from personal experience. Plus I needed the extra time to get to know her.

"How does that work?" She mumbled hesitantly.

"Well, you go to practice after school everyday until 4 except on dance days, which go until 6ish but you also take it as a class during the day. Competitions are either home or at another school nearby." I whipped around to take a packet out of the folders that hung outside both Will's and my classroom doors. Rachel slowly took the papers out of my hand and studied them. After scanning the page, she looked back up.

"And doesn't this cost money?" She said it with an ache in her voice. Maybe I was being too hard on her, clearly she had financial problems at home too.

"We can waive the fee..." I mumbled. I could lie and say that she gave me the money or I guess I could just pay the money for her myself.

"Don't you need certain information to do that?" Man, this girl was way too smart for me. Was there something she didn't already know about?

"I think I can make an exception."

"And you're sure that this is going to help my grade?" She looked hopeful.

I smiled at her. "Positive."

"And, if I don't make the team, I still get the extra credit right? I'm the not the greatest at singing or dancing."

"They don't cut too many people, unless you are tone deaf. It's only happened twice in all of my years." An image of Motta popped in my head and I couldn't help but snicker. Rachel glared at me and I bit my lip.

"Okay then. See you at tryouts!!" I said way too happily. Rachel rolled her eyes.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So today we will be hearing you guys sing and watching you dance!" Will said in a cheery voice. No one else seemed overly enthusiastic to start cutting people.There were a lot of people trying out for the middle school show choir, which is surprising because all of our teaching friends at McKinley aren't too keen on the idea of a glee club. Apparently it has something to do with the cheer coach over there. I have never met her and personally hope I never will.

Usually I was the one who was eager to correct bad dance form or bad singing, but today I was really not feeling it. The kids could break the glass from being so off pitch and I wouldn't move my glance from Rachel. I still felt really bad about tricking her into doing this. But if I was right, I knew that she had a good voice and I could get her to expose it, proving she was like me. Not that that proved anything.

One of our senior dancers warmed up the kids for dancing. I noticed Rachel hiding in the background. Her long brown hair was tied back into a high ponytail and she looked incredibly nervous. She was standing next to a Latina wearing a poms sweatshirt and another heavy set black girl, both of whom I didn't recognize from any of my classes. Grant, the senior dancer, began teaching the kids the tryout routine. It wasn't too hard from what I saw. Most of the kids got it in a matter of minutes. Rachel, however, sat down at some point, and was leaning against the wall reading a book.

"RACHEL!!" I screamed. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Uhh.." she stammered before turning a bright reddish color. "Working on my dancing? You know-"

"Uh huh," I quipped. I stepped in front of her and leaned back against the wall, crossing my arms.

"What are you doing?"

"Watching you show me the dance," I glared.

"I'm not good enough to be here." she mumbled.

"Hey." I grumbled. "You just started. If you stick with it, you'll get better. That's how I did it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Started when I was in sixth grade. I went to Trails you know."

"Really? You don't seem like the type."

"Well it was nothing like it is now. I was in the choir, chamber choir, show choir, and I was in the school play all three years and then all four years in high school. My senior year I was Maria in West Side Story."

"You must have been really good."

"Well I was the youngest of four sisters. The rest of them were on all the teams and Emily, the sister closest to me in age wanted me to do what the others had. The coaches knew my older sisters and offered me spots regardless of the fact that I was bad at the dancing, and I got better. I know you don't like this showchoir thing, but I want you to enjoy it like I did. It was how I decided I wanted to become a teacher."

I looked down at Rachel, and for some reason the moment just felt completely right. I knew that no matter what I did, whatever I was trying to do was not going to work out, she was a student, I was a teacher. While what I wanted was not a sexual or at all romantic relationship, because 1) the age difference is gross, and 2) I am not lesbian and I am in a healthy marriage. (and did I mention how gross that would be?)

"I want to hear that story," she mumbled quietly while still looking forward, the sweat still pouring down her face. She looked up. "But isn't this a little awkward to tell a student you just met?" She actually made eye contact with me at this point, her eyebrows dropping. "I think I'm ready to dance now," She stood up and began practicing the routine. I could tell she was embarrassed at me standing there, her turns got messy. I guess she was desperate to get out of the conversation.

I walk back to the desk where I take a seat next to Will and sniffle so quietly that he could not hear me. Nobody could fix what happened, trying was pointless.

"Are you okay?"

"Uhhh, yeah."

"No you're not." He followed my gaze towards Rachel, awkwardly sitting with the other sixth graders that had decided to ditch the workout.

"Shelby, you know you shouldn't...."

I sighed. "I know, I know.... It's just so sad thinking I could have had a daughter's hair to brush, to take shopping, to watch Disney movies. We were gonna do all that and more... but we can't." I looked up at Will, tears slowly falling down my face.

"What...?" He slowly let out. It was then I realized what I had just said. I never told anyone about my baby girl, it was my secret that I didn't need countless people to know.

"I..." Lying was pointless. He was going to figure it out on his own. I knew he would. "I had a baby girl eleven years ago. She was born December 23, and she died after birth from unknown complications."

Will's eyebrows raised. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I sniffled, putting my head down on his shoulder. We sat there in silence for a while, watching the dancers practice the routine.

"She's probably following you around in spirit. She's probably a Phantom of the Opera fan too. The idea of jamming out to Phantom with a baby made me laugh out loud. I laughed so hard Will had to stabilize me.

After laughing, I noticed that someone was next to us, probably going to ask for the keys to the building. I turned red when I saw it was Rachel.

"I was hoping you would tell me the story of why you wanted to become a teacher now.." Will looked from me to Rachel.

"Yes Shelby, do tell us." Will put his head into his hands as if to symbolize being super curious.

"Well I-" I was about to begin my story only to be cut off by the alarm going off. Time for auditions!!

"Rachel, see you at your turn." Rachel glanced at me before running out of the dance room, along with all the other children trying out.

Usually we try to keep the limit at about 40 kids for sixth,seventh, and eighth grade. We try not to cut anybody unless they really are tone deaf. Base on the list, we have 60 kids trying out total. 10 eighth graders, 15 seventh graders and 35 6th graders. Naturally the people in seventh and eighth are people that were on the team last year with a few exceptions. Sixth graders tend to try out because they don't know how time consuming showchoir is, or what you actually do in it. Point is, they want to be involved in something so that they can brag to their friends.

We had the eighth graders go first, then the seventh graders. We didn't see anything that was cut worthy. Looking down at the list, I saw that Rachel's name was scribbled at the very bottom of the list. I leaned back on my chair. We had a very long way to go.

The sixth graders we ended up keeping were Lucy Fabray, Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, Mercedes Jones, Tina Cohen Chang, Mike Chang, and Kurt Hummel. Now all we had left was Rachel.

After singing Defying Gravity, Kurt bowed before walking out the door, signaling Rachel. Rachel walked in with her head shot downward, avoiding eye contact. She was clearly nervous. When she got to the taped line on the ground, she started shaking. Part of me wanted to run up and give her a hug, but I knew I couldn't. Plus, that would probably creep her out.

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow, WAY UP HIGH!!!" she shrieked and both Will and I jumped back in surprise. Was she actually trying to hit the high note? Her voice cracked at the attempt. "THERE'S A LAND THAT I HEARD OF-" She was serious! She had absolutely no sense of pitch! (or volume for that matter)

"STOP!!"

Rachel smiled at us before running out of the room.


	5. A Mother's Dream

Will looked at me, shocked. I raised my eyebrows.

"So... can I scratch her off?"

"NO WAY!!!!" I shouted rather loudly. I was determined to use showchoir as an excuse to get to know Rachel. I didn't care if her singing shattered the mirrors for all I care! Plus, she had run out of the room before we could evaluate her dancing. Clearly she was trying to get out of this without actually making the team just so I would give her the extra credit to fix her grade. I had other ideas.

"Shelby this obsession you have with Rache-"

"I know. It's unhealthy. But we have a rule that we don't cut people unless they can't sing at all. I mean the beginning was pretty strong." I smirked at him.

"This is a really bad idea."

"We're co-coaches, you can't exactly stop me. And if it does get out of hand, I'll make the proper adjustments."

Will glared at me. "We haven't even see her dance, she could be like Fanny Brice at the, uh, part with the rollerskating girls.."

"Well, as much as I appreciate your attempt to reference Funny Girl in hopes of me agreeing with you, but you must remember that right after that she got a solo and nailed it."

Will continued glaring at me.

"I'll take care of it." I giggled.

I just chuckled at his mad face before opening up my laptop and finishing the final list. I stood up to go retrieve it from the printer in the team room, which was next to my room so I could go get my stuff. It was good that Tim was cooking, because I was definitely not in the mood.

Once I got home, I was expecting the loud sounds of the xbox and all the ranted shouting that went with it, along with Jonathan's electric guitar blaring from upstairs. Instead all I heard was the sound of laptop keys clattering and someone scribbling. I dropped my purse in the front room and saw Jonathan and Jesse actually being quiet and doing homework. Did I walk into the wrong house or what?

"Hi beautiful." I was greeted with my husband wrapping his arms around me before kissing me on the cheek. I let him sway me.

"So what's going on?" I proceeded. The boys hadn't even looked up from their respective computer and notebook. I noticed the empty pizza box on the counter and the plates left on the table.

"We're going out." I rolled my eyes and sighed. Tim loved going to Wednesday karaoke night at Rose Garden, this homey little restaurant nearby our house. The restaurant was actually owned by LeAnn, the teacher and her husband Phil. They loved it when Tim and I went to sing. They created karaoke night just for us. Plus the food was incredible, it never got old after 25 years of eating there. I knew singing was good therapy for stress, hence Tim wanting to go, but I was not in the mood.

"Just a couple of songs." I grunted. A couple meant we were going to be there all night.

"Alright. Be good." I motioned to Jesse and Jonathan, who still hadn't looked up. Were they actually doing homework? Okay, Jonathan was, because what else would he be writing down? Jesse I wasn't so sure.

"SHELBY!!" LeAnn screamed happily when we had arrived at RG. I faked a smile as she ran towards us. She was the one who got me the job teaching at Trails. Like I said earlier, she had taught there for 35 years. We moved to Lima 20 years ago when James (our oldest son that was away at college) was born. We married a year before that.

"Yes LeAnn, we never miss a week." I grunted as I took a seat at the bar. LeAnn got me my usual ice water for before I sang while James was talking to his friends, all the guys that were here every week because they didn't have a life or something like that.

"Hi guys!!" Tim's voice was immediately met with applause from everybody. The stage was the front of the restaurant while the bar was in the back against the wall. Everything in between was full of elderly people and all of the couples with older or no children that just came to hear us sing.

"I wrote a new song that I wanted to play tonight but Shelby isn't in too good of a mood." He motioned to me and people started cheering for me to get up there. When I was 18 and wanted to run to New York to pursue a career on Broadway, this would have made my year. Now I just rolled my eyes at Tim and grunted on my way up to the stage.

I walked up to the stage and took a seat next to TIm. He started playing I Will Never Let You Know and I joined in with him. The whole time his soft eyes were meeting mine and I knew he was trying to tell me that I needed to let go, again. What is with these people?

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning I hung up the final list outside of my door and Will's five minutes before the bell rang and the entrance to my door would be mobbed by like fifty middle schoolers. This would be why I locked my door and went to hide in the teacher's lounge where I could get myself a cup of coffee.

Will was clearly thinking the same thing, sitting alone at the table. I sat across from him, stirring my coffee, hoping he would notice me, but he was absent-mindedly twirling his fingers while staring at Emma Pillsbury cleaning her grapes one by one. I rolled my eyes. Clearly Terri was a thing of the past. They had been divorced what, a month? At least now I knew why.

"So, Shelby, about this Rachel thing..."

"What now?"

"I've decided for your sake and hers, I'm going to report you."

"Report me for what? Will I haven't even talked to her."

He smiled. "I just wanted to make sure you were listening. I trust you Shelby, you know what you're doing. But if this gets out of hand, I'm going to go to Figgins."

I glared at him before getting up to go find LeAnn. Maybe she wouldn't be so... willy.

"So Shelby, when can I expect some new voices at karaoke night? Especially young dancing voices..."

"Maybe at some point. We have to actually teach the kids before showing them off you know."

"I know, but I'm so excited!! I think this is the year!" For once, I honestly agreed with her.

The bell rang and I slumped back. It would be another ten minutes before the crowd disappeared and I could actually get into my room. From down the hall, leaning against a set of lockers next to LeAnn, I could see two poms jackets that read Lopez and Pierce, a sparkly sequin top that stood out from across the hall next to a guy with a hat, a redhead with pigtails, a girl with a cap, and a tall guy that was at least a head taller than everybody else. Sequins and Lopez seemed to be bickering, something about Lima Heights. I continued spinning the stirrer in my coffee cup around until the group dispersed.

My homeroom was clumped around my door, wanting to go in, until the teacher across the hall opened it for them. LeAnn went to take attendance in her class, and I figured I should do the same. There was one person that I was particularly curious about their reaction. Soon enough, the brunette wearing a skirt and knee socks walked up to the door. She looked happy until she read the list, then she frowned. She growled and turned around to see me standing above her, single eyebrow raised.

"Is something wrong?" I snapped into teacher mode, my voice official with no feeling. I felt like a robot.

"No, it's just uh- I'm really surprised. I didn't think I would make it. I didn't even dance. I just remembered that I forgot that my parents were coming ho-, I didn't tell them I was coming." she quipped, looking down.

"They signed the contract Rachel. That you are required to attend every rehearsal, audition, workshop. You turned in that form to me." I drop my eyebrows that were always tensed up when I was in teacher mode. "Your parents must've known. What is the real reason?" I crossed my arms.

"They forgot." She gritted her teeth. "That's the real reason."

I sighed, realizing she wasn't going to tell me the truth. "Rachel, you know that if you need someone to talk to..." I paused, because the face she was giving me made me want to cry, "you could talk to the social worker, or any of the teachers."

The door swung open, and Santana was questioning whether or not the class should start checking their homework, and I realized I shouldn't have left the class alone, I was a teacher over obsessing myself with a student. I was indeed on rough waters, but being concerned with a child's well being was completely different. Slipping into my room, I motioned for Rachel to follow me so we could continue our conversation. She shook her head and walked the other way. She probably was supposed to be in her homeroom but didn't bother to check in.

"Ms. Corcoran, can you show us how to solve number three?" Lucy asked. From what I could tell, Lucy was a shy kid. She seemed like the type to be quiet all the time and never talk, but secretly be really smart. Her hair was down up in pigtails, and she was wearing big sweatpants to support her heavier set body. Not that that means anything. She's just as talented as everybody else.

"Wow Lucy Caboosey actually talked!!" Santana quipped sarcastically. Santana on the other hand, was a complete sassy diva. Her voice was powerful and she did indeed have the potential to become a leader at some point. But her attitude and anger issues, those needed some work.

"Santana, attitude!!" I grunted. It was going to be a long day.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Welcome to showchoir!" Will shouted. This was met with cheering. I stood next to him with my arms crossed. Most of the kids had changed into more comfortable clothes, we were going to be working on some basic dance technique. Some kids looked excited, others looked bored. Rachel looked absolutely pissed off that she had no way to get out of this, if she didn't do it, I wouldn't give her the extra credit.

"Get into lines based on your height." I ordered.

All the girls and boys scurried at the sound of my voice. I was surprised they were already afraid of me. Is it bad that I was kind of happy about that?

One kid, Mike Chang, came up to Will and I during the warmups and asked if he could lead the dance session. We were both very surprised that a sixth grader of all people would volunteer on the first day to lead. We told him we would watch him give it a try.

From what we saw, the kid was a natural. He stood in the front middle, demonstrating different steps and turns. Everyone mimicked him, and from what I saw Santana and Brittany, who were always together, and Lucy, awkwardly in a corner without anybody else. However, the ironic thing was that Rachel was doing the exact same thing, hiding in the back.

LIGHTBULB

I leaned over to Will and whispered something. He nodded excitedly. I don't think he got my motive for the suggestion, but he still looked very excited for my plan.

"Okay guys! We know it's the first day, and you guys don't know each other yet, so we figured we should do an icebreaker activity. Yay!!" Everybody groaned.

"I wasn't done yet. It's a competition you guys. We'll assign you partners, and you guys have to do duets and your own dance! And in the meantime you can get to know your fellow show choir members." Some of the kids perked up at the idea of a competition, while others still remained with a grunt on their face.

"Santana and Mercedes. Brittany and Kurt. Mike and Tina. Rachel and Lucy. You guys are all partners. I continued reading off all the other kids names, yada yada.

Santana and Mercedes looked incredibly pissed off and I was very amused that I got to piss someone off and they couldn't do anything about it. Rachel looked the same way she always did and walked over to Lucy who looked surprised, if anything.

"The competition is next Thursday. Good luck!!" And with that, everybody started chatting, dancing and singing, all together in a jumbled mess. I sat back and continued listening to Will, who was sputtering out ideas for our first competition.

I was still lounged on that same chair sometime later, when I saw Rachel walking towards me with her head shoved downward. Will noticed this and glared at me. I just shrugged my shoulders. She was probably going to ask to go to the bathroom or something. Rachel was about to open her mouth to ask me something when-

"Weren't you supposed to run the photocopies for the meet sheets?" Will said, louder than intended. He was trying to hint, and I got it, trust me.

"Yeah!" I jumped up, remembering what we had discussed earlier this morning in the lounge. I shot a look at Rachel as I made my way towards the double doors.

Once in the copy room, I started pressing buttons on the xerox to make copies of the schedules and invitational forms. I leaned against the machine and crossed my arms as I wait for the 200 pages to print.

"So now can you tell me the story?" I jumped to see Rachel also leaning against the machine in an attempt to imitate me.

"You following me around?" Rachel blushed. "No, I, uh, well, I had to go to the bathroom and I forgot how to get back to the dance room." I rolled my eyes, laughing at her attempt to be bluff, then smiled at her.

"When I went to Trails, my best friend Jenny had problems at home. She knew, and I knew, but we didn't know what to do." I paused to leave the part about her being physically abused out. I took a breath. "She told one of the teachers, our sixth grade math teacher Mrs. Walsh ,which is good since she didn't have any other trusted adults, and she helped her out of the nasty situation. She eventually adopted her and they became a family. That's why I became a teacher, they help people."

"Where are they now? Jenny and Mrs. Walsh?" She tilted her head at me, and in that second she looked like I did when I was little and- STOP SHELBY.

"Jenny died in a car accident on the day of our high school graduation. Her and Elizabeth, Mrs. Walsh, were hit on the passenger side of their car on the way there. Jenny passed away." I stopped to take a deep breath. When I really thought about that day, I got angry. Why did she get hit? It could have been any person in the whole world, but it was my best friend. Why was I the one to lose her child? Her baby girl? I didn't even realize I was crying until I realized Rachel had her arms wrapped around my waist.

"Hey. Everything's gonna be okay."

And yes, I let her hug me.

Screw Will.

For once since that day in December of 2000, the big lump in my stomach disappeared. I didn't know why, but I was okay with that..

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I love Barbra Streisand and my dream is to become a Broadway star.

There, now you know the two most important things about me. Oh yeah, and my name is Rachel Berry but that won't be important until my name's in lights, which it will be pretty soon.

 

I am eleven years old, my birthday is December 23, and I think that I am the most important person to walk the face of the Earth.

Okay, so I sound really self centered, and that's what all the kids at Trails think. But the truth is, I pretend to be self centered so no one will try to talk to me. I just can't risk it. But they haven't heard me sing. No one was heard me sing since I was four years old. And don't get me wrong, I love to sing, but ever since the last time someone else was home, I make sure to do it when my parents are out.

"Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow, you're always a day awaaayyyyyy." Four year old Rachel sang at the top of her lungs. She just saw the Annie movie for the first time and fell in love with it. Her parents owned a big collection of movies, they loved getting them off of thrift store racks, and whenever she could, Rachel watched them. Her parents said she was too young for the piece of the rack closest to the TV, but that was were all the good movies were, the movies with the singing. It wasn't hard to sneak past her parents, they were always hiding in the home office, doing things little Rachel "just didn't understand."

Rachel was sitting on the living room floor, with her bear she called Broadway putting together a puzzle she had found in her closet. Her parents never wanted to play with her, so she simply kept herself entertained with random things she found around the house. She kept singing tunes from Annie because Annie had no parents and sometimes Rachel felt like she didn't have parents. She had a mommy and a daddy, but they would never hug her or tell her they loved her. They just left her so they could do their grown up things in the office.

"maybe far away, or maybe real nearby..." Rachel sang at the top of her lungs. She was pretending to be Annie when she sang at the orphanage. She thought Ms. Hannigan was very scary, she wishes she could step on her foot and show her who is boss.

"HEY!! WHAT IS THE KID DOING?" Daddy sneered.

"OH SHUT UP LEROY, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!!!" Mommy hissed back.

She heard heavy footsteps on the ground, but Rachel continued to play with her puzzle, while grasping Broadway. Her mother, the tall blonde, emerged from the office in her robe. She growled at this interruption. Rachel sang and sang until she felt a sharp snap to her cheek.

"BE QUIET!!" her mother yelled.

Rachel began to cry. Maybe she was little orphan Annie. But little orphan Annie found Daddy Warbucks, and Daddy Warbucks loved Annie. Rachel didn't have a Daddy Warbucks. Or a daddy. Or a mommy.

"But mommy..." Rachel cried. "I wanna sing like Annie does." She kept rubbing her hand across her cheek where Mommy hit her. It hurt.

"Not in this house you won't." Mommy ran over to the shelf and grabbed all the singing movies off the shelf. Rachel cried at the sight of her favorite things being ripped away from her, not that she had a lot of other toys to choose from. Singing made her happy, but it was bad to sing? If she sing she got hit? After mommy went back into the office, Rachel ran up to the shelf and looked to see what was left. Mommy had forgot one! Rachel grabbed the movie with the purple binding and hid it upstairs in her bedroom, she didn't know what it was but it read:

FUNNY GIRL

I slowly turned the doorknob. Hopefully the parents hadn't figured out I was two and a half hours late. I tried to reason with Ms. Corcoran, but she was all 'they signed the contract'. Yeah right, they signed the contract, maybe they would if they talked to me every once in a while.

Honestly, I didn't know why Ms. Corcoran thought I was so great. She kept me even though I purposely ditched the dancing and completely threw off the singing. I was raised to believe singing in front of people was a bad thing. Pardon me for being afraid if I actually tried. I knew for a fact that Ms. Corcoran did that whole cheating thing on purpose just to get me to do showchoir, and I let her play me. That way my parents couldn't ground me for doing it because it was technically a school thing. They didn't want me to make friends, or to involve myself, because we could move anytime. Or at least that was their excuse. We have lived in this house since I was born.

"RACHEL!!!" My mother screamed. I instantly scrunched up. Did they know I was late? Play it cool Rach, play it cool.

I ran into the office where my father was sitting in his office chair with his feet up on the desk, his mouth open wide, snoring loudly. "Yes mother?" I whispered and crossed my arms.

"Did you start dinner yet? I'm starving." I took a deep breath. "No. Chicken right?"

"Actually, you always burn the chicken and it tastes too dry. Make pasta."

"Yes Mother."

"And Rachel?"

"Yes?"

"Did you finish your homework? You have to wash the dishes, set the dishwasher, wash the clothes, put away the clothes, and then put away the dishes. Oh yeah, and vacuum."

"Okay."

"Bring us dinner when you're done."

"Okay."

"Try not to make too much noise. The vacuum gives me a headache. Actually wait until he wakes up to vaccum, he won't be too happy to be woken up by that."

"Yes ma'am."

I went and started on the pasta. Usually, I did all the chores besides dinner right when I got home so I could hide in my room until it was time to sleep. We didn't eat as a family unless the relatives were over and we needed to pretend we were a family. I usually ate upstairs in the peace and solitude of my room, with Broadway the bear of course.

For some reason, ever since I had started school, I couldn't get Ms. Corcoran out of my head. Something about her just felt right. I overheard Noah Puckerman and Finn Hudson talking about how his older brother was on the football team with Ms. Corcoran's kid over at McKinley. I admit to looking up Ms. Corcoran on google, and I found some pretty interesting stuff. Turns out she and I are more alike than I thought. For one, she was in an off Broadway production of Grease twenty two years ago in New York, which means she probably had the same dreams as I did, to be a Broadway star. But it obviously didn't work out. She was in a lot of local productions around here after that, including being Maria in West Side Story, which was one of my dream roles, next to Fanny Brice of course.

Honestly, Ms. Corcoran could probably give me a ton of tips on my singing if she actually heard me try. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I know that they won't hit me for singing or anything like that, but I just have a bad feeling. I think it will heal with time.

I wouldn't admit this to anyone, but it felt really good getting a hug. I couldn't remember the last time I got a hug. Okay, maybe I did remember. But it was from a smelly relative who from the looks of it didn't even like me. Or when my parents hugged me for show, it made me want to barf, mainly because they always smelled like heavy wine.

She had something I wanted.

A mother's touch.

Growing up I was ignored. I never got hugs, kisses, "good jobs", pats on the back. You couldn't blame me for wishing I had a different set of parents. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, they are my parents. They did bring me into this world regardless of their parenting skills. Ms. Corcoran had kids, she raised them. I'm guessing she was at all of their football games, helped them get over a loss, patted them on the back...

She's a teacher, I'm a student. The two don't mix. Besides, she's probably all creeped out that I hugged her and is probably going to kick me off the team and make me switch my math teacher to the other academic team. She probably thinks I'm a psycho. I don't blame her. I would feel the exact same way if she had came onto me like that.

"RACHEL!!!" My mother screamed.

Back to my reality.


	6. You Shall Be My Squishy...

Breathe in

Breathe out

Tim was standing right there, holding my hand. He was screaming something to me, but I of course couldn't hear him. It hurt so bad. It was my fourth time in labor and I expected that I wouldn't have been so worked up.

Breathe in

Breathe out

We were sitting, watching tv with the kids when it happened. Tim and I called my sister to come watch the kids, and drove to the hospital as fast as we could. That was four hours ago. I was just about ready to go home, thanks.

Breathe in

Breathe out

Tim and I both weren't very happy with the J pattern, our kids' were named James (after my father), Jonathan (after Tim's father) and Jesse (after Tim's brother). I had planned to name her Elizabeth, after Mrs. Walsh because she didn't want me to name the baby Jennifer as much as I wanted to. So I asked her what she wanted me to name her and she said Juliette Elizabeth. Juliette was Elizabeth's sister that died of cancer. Naturally we agreed to this- but we knew we would always call her Leezl.

"Shelby push!!"

Then I heard the cry. It made me smile, while I loved my boys, I always wanted a little girl to call my own. She was totally going to be a mommy's girl, if I could help it.

The nurses rushed to clean her, and I was so anxious to see my baby girl for the first time. I assumed she looked more like me, James and Jesse both looked like Tim, while Jonathan looked more like me.

I blinked and was out of my trance. Tim was screaming at a nurse, the one who held Juliette in her arms limply.

"We need to take her to the ICU!!"

"Why?!? She's fine!!"

"Sir... calm down right now!"

"What's going on?" My mouth was dry and watery. I couldn't see what was going on from the angle I was laid back. I tried to sit up, but one of the nurses held me down.

"Your baby... she's..."

This was bad, really bad. If Will had seen what happened in the copy room, I would have been sitting in Figgins' office, pretending to listen to his ridiculous attempt to be a good boss. After hugging me, Rachel turned a bright reddish color before running out of the library. I was left in my own thoughts, still waiting for the last of the sheets to print out.

When I got back to the dance room, the partners were all huddled off in different spots in the room, and Will was leaned back talking to Mike. Mike looked really excited and ran off back to Tina.

"What was that about?" I asked while maneuvering the sheets so that I could pass them out.

"I asked Mike to choreograph one of our numbers. He looked really excited." Mike skipped across the floor, sliding and ending up next to Tina, who was observing his moves.

"That's great! How are all the partners doing?" I shot a glance at Lucy and Rachel, who were leaning against a wall scribbling notes down into a notebook. Santana and Mercedes looked like they were still arguing, and Kurt and Brittany were looking through our costume catalogs.

"Good from what I can see. Did you get them all?" Will asked and I handed him the stack of invite forms while I held onto the schedules.

"Yeah."

"Okay guys! It's a wrap for today, come get your papers..." Everyone scrambled over and took their papers before disappearing from the dance room to the locker room to avoid the traffic jam that would occur several minutes later. Will and I were getting ready to leave when my cell phone rang. Will gave me an 'aren't you going to answer it' look and I glared back in response.

"Ms. Corcoran, we're calling to inform you that the McKinley sophomore football team was caught pulling a prank on an enemy team." I grunted and squeezed my knuckles, "Your son was not involved." I dropped my knuckles and leaned against the wall.

"Okay, so why are you calling?" I gritted my teeth.

"We know you work at Trails, and two young boys, one of them has an older brother on the team, were involved. I was hoping you could give them a good punishment, seeing as Figgins isn't very.."

"Ah. I see. Who are they?"

"Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman." The names rang a bell- they must have been in one of my classes at some point. I still did not know all the names since it was only the third day of school.

"I'll take care of it."

"Okay. Well you have a great day!"

"Goodbye," I hung up, putting my phone done to continue cleaning up.

"We need more male voices, yeah?" Will gave me an inconspicuous look and crossed his arms.

I rolled my eyes. "They need to be punished!"

"By making them join show choir?"

"Look, I know you're a wimp and all that stuff, but I got this." I grunted and walked out of the dance room with my purse in hand. I was heading to the parking lot when I literally ran into Rachel. She blushed and speed walked away.

Once I got home I took the time to dramatically walk into the kitchen loudly and glare at Jesse from across the room. He could sense my eyes burning into the back of his head and paused his game to look at me.

"Did you get a call about the prank?" He didn't even look phased.

"Yeah. How did you know?" I said, crossing my arms.

"Because the guys have been talking about this for weeks, making a huge fuss, trying to get attention from everybody at school. I'm not that stupid, Mom. Besides, it wasn't even a good prank. Everyone knows that getting in trouble has to actually be worth it..." He droned on, and I was spacing out until I snapped out of it.

"Good to know. Because had you been involved, I would have ripped the TV off the wall."

"But I wasn't..."

"I know. I love you too darling," I slowly backed away to go into the kitchen, which was combined with the dining room and living room, so you could see everything from the kitchen table. Jesse put his game on mute and continued to play.

"So, you have to chase out Puckerman's little brother huh? Puckerman called me on a rant because he was there when the principal called you."

"Yeah. What do you know about him?" I slumped into a chair by the kitchen table and didn't hesitate in putting my feet up on the other chair before taking my hair out of my bun.

"He tries to be all tough guy but I know he's just trying to deal with hard family stuff. Don't be too hard on him. And Hudson is totally clueless. He just wants to hang out with Puckerman and try to keep him out of trouble."

The next day during the period where all of the kids headed to lunch in a stampede I caught both Finn and Noah and told them that for their punishment, they would have to attend a month of show choir rehearsals and all the performances during that time.

"Uh, Ms. Corcoran, I can't, uh, sing..." Finn slowly mumbled.

"Don't worry. You guys still get a proper audition for placement and stuff. We're still in need of a strong male leader for the group. I'm sure with confidence you'll be great." I snipped my rant short when I noticed my short brunette heading towards the bathroom, covered in all different colors of... slushie?

"You guys can go. I'll see you both at rehearsal." I quickly shuffled on my heels to the bathroom, where I indeed found Rachel hiding in one of the stalls trying to act as if she wasn't there. I knew because I heard sniffles.

"Rachel...?" I slowly called out.

"Are you here to yell at me for yesterday? Kick me out of the show choir?" She snapped before hiccuping in a sniffle.

"I saw what happened. Okay, so I didn't actually see what happened but I know about the slushie. I want to help you. If you tell me..."

"Look, you're all nice and stuff, but I know you don't want to have anything to do with me, it's okay." I heard her feet against the tile floor and then heard her slump to the ground.

"As your teacher it's kind of my job to have something to do with you, not in a weird creepy way, but I'm here to help you with the bullying situation." I came closer to the stall, awkwardly leaning against the wall.

"The slushies...." She took a pause before continuing, probably debating whether or not it was a good idea, "They happened all the time in elementary school. This is the first time it's happened at Trails." She mumbled the last part probably hoping that I wouldn't hear it. Of course I did.

"How many times has this happened? Haven't you told a teacher?" I shifted from one foot to the other.

"Honestly, I've lost count. It's okay, I'm used to it. I did try to tell a teacher once, they didn't do anything about it. They probably weren't listening, wouldn't be the first time." She coughed and gulped.

Hearing Rachel talk like this made me sick to my stomach. The fact that any kid was getting slushied all the time and no one did anything about it was crazy. Was the staff in this district really that bad? Besides maybe Figgins... and what about her parents? Didn't they care that their daughter was being bullied? Did they see the stained clothes...?

There was indeed something wrong there.

"I'll talk to Figgins about it... if you want me to."

"Please don't! It'll only make it worse." I could hear her sniffling loudly now. I slumped down against the wall of the stall, hearing Rachel scooch over on the other side, leaning back against me.

"I don't know what makes you think that... but telling people about your problems doesn't make them worse. At least not when you have me on your side... I'm kind of a big deal around here."

This got Rachel to laugh. "It's nice knowing I have the Ice Queen on my side."

"Don't call me that." I snapped and felt Rachel jump at my tone.

"Sorry." Rachel's voice dropped down into a mumble.

"It's okay. I told everyone to stop calling me that years ago. I just- do you need me to get you a change of clothes or something?"

"I keep them in my locker."

"I'll go get them for you, if you don't mind me going in your locker."

Rachel took a deep breath. "It's fine. Go ahead. I can't really leave, there's slushie on my shoes too."

I could not tell Rachel why I had earned the nickname of the Ice Queen. That after my baby girl died, I turned into a cold person? I couldn't look people in the eyes knowing that they didn't have to feel the pain I did. When I began teaching at Trails I never talked to anybody, I still don't talk unless I have to. It kind of comes with being a teacher, but it doesn't mean I have to feel. I like being a listener, not a conversationalist.

I opened the locker with the lock key I got from the janitor, opening it I saw that it was bare apart from her math books and notebooks. Her backpack looked like it was a hand-me-down that was found in the back of the closet. I stuck my hand into the bag and found another skirt and shirt. Her taste was... very unique to say the least. I grabbed the sneakers on the top shelf, that looked like they had older dried slushie stains and shut the locker.

Once I got back to the bathroom I found Rachel trying to get the slushie out of her hair. By this point her face wasn't red from crying anymore, although her eyes were red from slushie irritation. I handed the clothes to her before getting a paper towel and lightly dabbing it with water.

"Hold still." I commanded and started dabbing at the red sticky gunk in her hair.

"I think your nickname should be Squishy." She said.

"What?"

"Well, you're all hard on the outside, but really tingly and warm on the inside,kind of like a hard boiled egg. Squishy." Even though it was incredibly cheesy, hearing her say this made butterflies appear up in my stomach. The last time I had felt that so intensely was when Juliette was born, eager to hold my baby for the first time.

"That's from a Disney movie isn't it?" I questioned, my throat thick.

"Yeah. Finding Nemo."

"I remember it now. You shall be my squishy and I shall call you mine and you shall be my squishy." We said the last part together, and it felt like our voices just... mixed.

"I'd rather be Squishy than the Ice Queen." I chuckled.

"Don't worry, you'll always be Squishy to me." This made tears come to my eyes. I turned away from Rachel.

"You should know, hugging a teacher doesn't automatically get you kicked out of the show choir." I walked out before I could feel any MORE emotion. It was... honestly, I couldn't take it anymore.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later, I showed up at show choir with a grunt on my face. I was not in the mood for it. By the time I got there, everyone was already working on their duet projects. I saw Rachel turn and look at me but I turned away and completely avoided making eye contact with her.

During our pseudo auditions with Noah and Finn I noticed that Finn kept turning around to look at Rachel and Lucy. While I didn't know which one he was looking at, I thought it was kind of cute. Noah looked extremely mad at us, because being in show choir could totally ruin his football tough guy rep. (I thought this and rolled my eyes in my head)

"Did Mike teach you the tryout dance?" It was only thirty seconds long and I had walked in twenty minutes late.

"Yes." Mike then came over and did the dance with them because they didn't have time to practice. Noah was okay, and Finn was just... bad.

They both sang and I thought that Finn had the potential to be the male lead vocal. I thought it was also convenient that each played either the drum or the guitar, that would be useful. Now all we needed was to find a female lead, and I was hoping that after this duets thing we would be able to take a vote.

The next day we started performing our duets. Santana and Mercedes did a duet of When You Believe which was incredibly impressive as Mercedes did the Whitney Houston part. Kurt and Brittany did My Favorite Things and Mike and Tina did Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better.

While all of the groups did well, so far I felt the serious competition between Santana and Mercedes. I could tell they were getting along much better since working on the duet, but there would still be a war depending on the outcome.

All that was left was Lucy and Rachel. I was pretty curious seeing as Rachel blew off her singing audition. That was fake as far as I could tell, because all people can sing unless they are tone deaf.

"Ms. Corcoran. I don't think I should-" Rachel started coughing hysterically, and dramatically fell to the floor in attempts to fool me. Good acting... but no.

"Rachel, you're doing it either today, tomorrow, or whenever you aren't pretending to be sick. You might as well get it over with."

Rachel growled. Lucy walked over to the chair settled in the middle with her head down. They sang I Could Have Danced All Night and split it, while Lucy was being awkward, Rachel was blushed a reddish color and wasn't singing at all. She looked at me with her eyes desperate and I just knew.

"Rachel, a moment outside." I ushered.

"I can't sing in front of them, not without being in the background swaying, don't make me!" For some reason, she reminded me of myself in that moment, in the days when I was too afraid to be a soloist. Before I thought that I could kick anyone's butt, I was the same let-me-sway character as Rachel.

"Rachel, I know you can do it. You can do this. I believe in you." Rachel glared at me, mentally probably deciding to never have a rational conversation with me again, and stomped away.

"Why are you so freaking nice to me all the time? I don't need people doing all that mushy stuff. I wasn't brought up like that. I appreciate it, but why?"

I smiled. "Because people who need people are the luckiest people in the world."

Rachel looked up at me and smiled. "Barbra Streisand."

"I knew you would get it. Now don't let them rain on your parade!" I stomped my foot and giggled at Rachel.

"You know, Mr. Schue always reminded me of Mr. Zigfeld."

"Um... no."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rachel went back in, and despite everyone staring and whispering, she sang. Sure, she was flat on some notes and looked like she was going to pass out, but as she went along her voice got stronger.

Will clapped his hands together. "Okay, now we're going to vote for our female vocal lead."

"Mr. Schue, who is our male lead?" Santana declared.

Will and I both turned to look at Finn, who was hiding in the corner next to the costume closet.

"Finn is.."

Something has changed with me

Something is not the same.

I walked out into the dance room, ready for my duet with Lucy, expecting to sing it like I was tone deaf and had no sense of pitch. That was exactly what I felt when we started. I felt like I couldn't actually make music, to express myself in a way that made me feel better. Something Ms. Corcoran said, people needing people, made me realize that here, at school, I was somewhat wanted, at least by Ms. Corcoran.

After my duet, which was not that good but better than what I expected, I ran down to the sixth grade hallway to Mrs. Johnson's room, hoping she would still be there. This was a crazy move in every which way possible, but it needed to be done. I knew I could do it. I had it in me. Mrs. Johnson said that the coaches wouldn't be there, which was good cause this would be completely embarrassing if they were.

Mrs. Johnson was still sitting by her desk despite it being way after school ended. I often wondered what teachers' lives were like outside the classroom. It was hard to imagine and hard to picture, even though teachers are human too.

"Mrs. Johnson." I panted. "Do you still have space on that list?"

Mrs. Johnson smiled at me before pushing a clipboard with a piece of paper on it towards me.


	7. ...and I Shall Call You Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just realized that the italics didn't transfer over, so this may seem confusing as it goes from the present to flashback and vice versa

"Will.." I mumbled, after we had finished counting votes. All the kids had gone home and it was just him and I now. It was Wednesday which meant my night would involve singing in front of old people eating cheeseburgers, but that didn't mean I had to do it alone. "Want to go out for dinner with me and Tim tonight? You can bring Ms. Pillsbury if you want...."

Will smiled at me. "Things with Emma and I have been complicated. I don't know if she feels the same way." I rolled my eyes. Clearly all the eye sex going on in the teacher's lounge wasn't enough.

"Just ask her. If she says no at least you have me and Tim," I smiled before picking up my bag and walking out of the dance room back towards my classroom to get the papers I needed to grade.

After going home and getting changed, Tim, Jesse, Jonathan and I were all about to get into my car when my cell rang again. I glared at Jesse, ready to attack if it was another call from the school. I was surprised when the caller ID said that it was LeAnn.

Will said he was going to meet us there, Emma or no Emma. I was glad he wasn't too carried away in this Emma nonsense. He even agreed to sing with me, should it be needed.

"Hey, uh, Shelby?" LeAnn murmured nervously on the other side of the line. She muffled the phone and talked to someone near her. I couldn't make out what she was saying at all so I tapped my foot impatiently. "You and Tim don't have to sing tonight. We're closing up early and... yeah." Then she hung up.

"She says she's closing early." I mumbled to Tim, who got into the car on the driver's side and I got into the passenger seat. We had this singing at the restaurant tradition forever. In all the years, she's never ever closed up early on a Wednesday. Weird.

"Let's still go out to eat. I'm not cooking." He grumbled. I nodded and he pulled out of the driveway. We drove around for a while until we passed Rose Garden. To my annoyance, the parking lot was packed. I looked at Tim and he pulled in. I didn't think he wanted to kill the tradition after all these years.

When we walked in, I saw LeAnn leaning against the counter, holding a clipboard in her hand. She was talking to her husband who was standing on the other side of the bar. He smiled and walked away. LeAnn turned around, the smile on her face evident until she saw Will and I. Seeing both of us, she pretended to not have noticed us and walked away.

"That's weird." I murmured to whoever was listening.

My kids went over to get us a table, and Will and I tried to track down LeAnn. We eventually gave up and sat down at a table shoved in the corner, next to the doors to the kitchens. After ordering our drinks LeAnn showed up on the stage, with that same clipboard in her hand.

"I apologize, but Shelby and Tim won't be singing tonight. I felt a need for a little change in vocal power tonight. Shelby is coach to one of Ohio's most recognized middle school show choirs, Stages. So I invited some of the singers from this show choir to sing here tonight. The people in the restaurant started to cheer extremely loudly, some of them even standing up. Will and I were both surprised, honestly. We told her we weren't ready for any community performances. Knowing this, the restaurant DID look more full than usual, probably all parents of all of our kids.

"First off, we will have Santana and Mercedes singing The Edge of Glory." LeAnn walked off and I was tempted to go scream at her. I could have yanked them off the stage, but what would that have done? Made us look like bad coaches dealing with angry parents? Will nodded at me and I slumped back in my chair. Jesse and Jonathan both looked really excited for some apparent reason. There wasn't a show-choir at McKinley and honestly if there was I doubted it would be good enough for these kids to feed into.

The girls' performance was pretty good considering the amount of time they had to put into it. To the naked eye, it was perfect. To a coach who knew what it took to make it big, I could point out the flaws in their singing and presentation technique. But they were kids, it didn't matter.

The next song was the whole group singing Don't Stop Believin'. It was clear to me that LeAnn had made them promise to work on this in secret and not tell either me nor Will what she was planning. Mike had put choreography into this dance. It was nothing fancy but it was better than them standing in a line swaying. Looking at the group, I saw that Rachel was not there. I was a little disappointed, I was hoping to introduce her to Tim or at least point her out for some apparent reason. Maybe to show him what our little girl would have turned out like, had she lived.

Once they finished Don't Stop Believin', LeAnn walked back out onto the stage, hobbling on her high heels. She took the microphone from Finn, who had done surprisingly well for being thrown into this only eight hours ago. How did they manage to do this so fast? Finn blushed and went back to sit by the drum and Noah walked over to the guitar leaned against the wall. While all of this was going on, I was ignoring the conversation at our table.

"Those kids are really good!!" Jonathan was saying while sipping his chocolate shake.

"Little Puckerman!! Woo!!" Jesse screamed, and Noah looked over and blushed.

"You really should make them perform in town more often." Tim declared to Will.

"Well I mean, clearly they are ready for it. What do you think? Shelby? SHELBY!!"

I whipped my head away from the stage and slammed my hand that was resting under my chin onto the table. "Yeah!! What??"

Will was explaining his idea to me when I noticed that Santana and Lucy were standing on the stage arguing. LeAnn had taken the mike so whatever they were saying could not be heard from here. Annoyed, I turned back to Will. who was still excitedly telling me about our plan for our first competition and how to scare away the competition.

"Santana!! She deserves it!!" Lucy was screaming at Santana, who had her arms crossed and her head tilted like she owned the place.

"Says you!! You sang with her, you should know this better than anyone. She couldn't even sing in school in front of us. She sang flat!! And that was after a pep talk from the Ice Queen!!" They both moved closer, as if to prepare for a full fight. In front of all these people.

Aye yi yi.

Mike ran onto the stage and helped to push them apart before LeAnn could turn on the mike. "So, we have a last minute add in. She is from Stages, but this is her first time singing, so give her a chance. Give a nice big welcome to Ms. Rachel Berry!!"

I spit out the water I was drinking and coughed. Will turned to glare at me and Tim shot me a look of 'is she the one you were talking about'. I nodded at him and took a sip of water to clear the lump in my throat. Not that it helped.

"Hi everyone! My name is Rachel Berry, and to those of you who don't know me, I dream of being on Broadway. Musicals are something that I grew up with, and they let you escape to another world. A world where lashing into song can solve any problem. Okay, so maybe that doesn't happen in West Side Story, but you know what I mean. The thing is, that I grew up in a place where music wasn't allowed. Singing would get you punished. I recently was forced into singing in public and I admit I wasn't really open to the idea until I felt what it was like to express myself in song. My idol is Barbra Streisand, I think she is the most amazing person to walk on the face of the Earth, and so to honor that, I chose to sing one of her songs tonight. A wise woman once told me that people who need people are the luckiest people in the world."

I tried not to grin at the fact that she called me a wise woman. This also scared me, I was afraid. I didn't want Rachel to make a fool of herself in front of all these people. I knew from experience that that could be... brutal. People was a very difficult song to sing...

"Mom! She looks just like you!"

"Daddy, when are we going to see the baby?" A four year old Jesse asked his father. They were seated in the waiting room, while Tim was holding a one year old Jonathan in his hands. James was with Shelby's sister Emily getting food. His head ached.

"The baby is... she went to go be with the angels instead of us.." Tim mumbled before stuttering into tears. He needed to be strong. His wife was a nervous wreck and he needed to be there to comfort her and support her, despite his own feelings.

"Why?" Jesse questioned. He was in that age where everything had a 'why'.

Jesse shot a look at Jonathan and then at Tim and I. Tim looked at Will hesitantly and I mumbled 'he knows' under my breath.

"Shh!!! I want to hear her sing!" Jonathan declared and turned to look at Rachel.

"We travel single-oh. Maybe we're lucky, but I don't know-- With them, Just let one kid fall down  
And seven mothers faint. I guess we're both happy, but maybe-- We ain't."

Eventually Jesse broke away from his father's grasp, running towards the maternity ward. A tired Tim sighed and looked down at the other baby in his hands. He should probably chase after the four year old, but what good would that do?

I wasn't expecting to hear what I heard. Rachel's voice, it was nothing like what it had sounded like during both the duet and the audition. Her voice, it was powerful. It filled the room with a such a strong emotion. What that emotion was, I couldn't tell. She looked as if she was in another world while she sang. I smirked at Will, with an I-told-you-so look on my face. His mouth dropped open in shock. The other three of my family members were solely focused on staring at Rachel.

A group of nurses behind the counter ran after the little four year old boy. Tim noticed but didn't bother moving. Jesse was a little speed demon, he wanted to go somewhere, he would get there. There was no point in trying to stop him. Besides, he probably wouldn't even find his mother's room.

The little four year old toddled through the hallway, door after door. Where was his mommy? And where was the baby? The angels had to let him see her at some point, right? She was his baby after all. His mommy and daddy had said so. Just like Jonny was his baby. He was their older brother and he was going to play with them and make sure that they were always okay. They would always be okay.

Eventually, after what seemed like forever, Jesse saw his mother. She looked like a ghost. Jesse ran into the room, trying to be quiet but running into the bed from not being able to stop. A ghostly colored Shelby looked up from where her head was rested in between her knees. She didn't want to see anyone. EVER.

Her face softened when she saw her little guy rubbing his arm from running into the bed. Instead of throwing a fit, he ran over to Shelby and attempted to hug her from his position on the ground. Shelby in turn, picked up Jesse and sat him next to her on the bed.

"Mommy, why are you crying?"

Shelby sniffled and wondered what Tim had told the little guy. How did one explain death to a four year old? Lucky for her Jesse continued talking.

"Daddy told me my baby went to be with the angels. When is she coming back, I want to play with her." The little boy furrowed his eyebrows. He wanted his baby NOW.

Shelby resisted the urge to cry and squeezed her baby close to her. "She's not coming back. But always remember that she-" Shelby gulped. "-is always in your heart." All she needed to do was believe that herself and maybe she would get through this.

Jesse was shocked by this girl standing in front of him. She looked like his mom and dad- and him. He didn't remember much about his baby sister, only that she was four years younger than him. Aye...

"Hey mom," Jesse questioned. "How old is Rachel?"

His mom seemed shocked by the question. "She's a sixth grader...."

Sixth grader... that would make her eleven.. and he was fifteen, so...

"Jesse, whatever you're thinking is wrong. No it's not her." Jonathan shot a look at Jesse, who tilted his head and peered his eyes.

Jonathan was six years old, Jesse was ten, and James was fifteen. It was Christmas of 2005. Rachel would have been five years old two days ago, if she was alive. Christmas was probably the worst time of year, even though it was supposedly supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. So what, we had a ton of family over and a big dinner and hot chocolate and snowy nights? What fun was that if Shelby didn't have her little girl to share it with? Shelby loved her boys, no doubt about it, but she wanted her girl.

Her girl.

The whole family was over. Shelby's parents, her sisters (and their guys), Tim's parents and his brothers and their wives. And all the little kids...

Dinner was filled with conversation although Shelby held the awkwardness in the air high. She didn't mean to, she just was distracted after all.

The best part was always watching the little kids open their presents. Their faces lit up. Jesse was handed a wrapped box, which he beamed at and tugged at impatiently. He dropped the box and looked up at his family, watching him from the couch.

"Mommy, how come we don't have any sisters?"

James looked at Jonathan and then Tim and Shelby hesitantly. Jesse opened his mouth to say something but then closed it. He knew he had a sister once but apparently she died when she was a baby. He was four when it had happened. He told Jonathan but he didn't think he understood. After all, he was ten. He was grown up. Jonathan was six and a baby. He knew it made Mommy and Daddy sad whenever they talked about the baby. He never wanted to bring it up. Ever.

"You do have a younger sister, she's just with the angels instead of us." Tim said for the second time. He hated saying it. How did he know there was such a thing as angels? Heaven? What was death anyways?

All three boys seemed less happy about opening their presents after that. Shelby's sister tried to pep them up, but to no avail. Shelby went to go hide in the kitchen and Tim awkwardly followed her.

Christmas was never the same after that.

Jesse and Jonathan kept close after that. They were close and James hovered around as the mature one, who would sometimes join in in their bonding. They were a trio, but there was always the thought: What if they had a little sister? Would she hang out with them?

The song was over like that. Rachel sang the song beautifully and didn't even mess up once. The audience stood up and clapped. Shelby couldn't stop smiling. Rachel's first standing ovation, the first of many. She looked over at Will, who nodded with a grin on his face. They could make her a lead too. God knows she could be the ONE and ONLY lead. She was that good.

Rachel bowed and grinned. She walked off the stage and I jumped up in attempts to follow her. The Corcoran family (and Will) was left to wonder about Rachel. Jesse couldn't handle it. Sister or not, that girl needed some guitar lessons. Why not, right?

"Rachel!" I panted. I caught her outside, walking out of the restaurant. She turned to look at me and froze. "Rachel, it's okay. I just wanted to tell you how good you did. Mr. Schue and I, we want you to be a lead with Santana and Mercedes. If you want to, that is. It's okay if you don't want to."

Rachel's shoulders dropped a tad. She was still tense, I could tell. "By the way, I loved the song choice. I always considered myself a wise woman," I grinned and flipped my hair in a humble way. This got Rachel to smile.

"Okay... I guess..." Rachel mumbled.

"Alright, well I'll see you tomorrow at rehearsal then..." I turned to walk back inside the restaurant. Little did Shelby know that as soon as she was inside walking back towards their table Jesse was hiding around the doorway and would sneak out to meet Rachel. She was sitting on a bench... waiting for someone?

"Hi. I'm Jesse Corcoran, Ms. Corcoran's son." Rachel stared at him in confusion and crossed her arms. "You were really good tonight... I just- do you know how to play guitar?"

Rachel shook her head.

Jesse grinned, "Wanna learn?"


	8. Tell Them How I am Defying Gravity

It had been three months since the day I sang in that restaurant. Okay, not THAT much has changed. Well, I don't mean to brag, but... the kids in glee are actually treating me (somewhat) like a human being, I'm not afraid to sing anymore, and most of all, I don't let my parents get to me. Well, most of the time at least. And I learned to play guitar! I thought it would be super awkward the first day, but it wasn't! Jesse is a really nice guy. I can't imagine what it would be like having the Ice Queen as your Mom...

"Hey... uh... Jesse?" Rachel walked into the choir room at McKinley High. It was her first time ever there, despite the fact that she would be going to school there in about three years, there was never any reason to. Jesse had said he would meet her here after school. She had rushed- there was no show choir rehearsal today- and found an empty room.. great.

"Hey Rachel!" Jesse's head popped out from behind one of the doors. "Glad you wanted to do this. I really think playing guitar will help you with your singing. Well I mean, your singing is already good and..."

I laughed nervously. "It's okay... I get it. I- Are you sure we won't get in trouble for being in here?"

He nodded. "I'm sure. Nobody uses this room for anything."

"Can I ask you something?" He nodded. "How are you a football player... that likes music? No offense but I thought all football players were kinda..."

"Dull? Yeah. The parents love music, so I picked it up too. Football is just kinda... there. In the family. My older brother James played football for McKinley and got a college scholarship. I'm pretty sure that they're hoping I'll do the same. James loved music just as much as the rest of us but he knew that he couldn't make it big or whatever. But that's what I want to do. I want to be on Broadway or write music or... something."

Rachel nodded. She knew what it was like to be obligated into doing something that she didn't want to do. "You know, I think you should do whatever you want to do. I'm pretty sure your parents would understand."

"Yeah... something like that." He mumbled and picked up his guitar, motioning to the one next to her with her free hand.

I pulled the brush through my hair in the mirror. We were supposed to do these fancy updos to go with our costumes, but I couldn't do it myself. This is one of those times I wish I had a mother.

"Rachel!!!" my mother screamed. That was not what I meant.

I ran up the stairs with the hot coffee I quickly made her. I quietly opened the door and tiptoed in. "Yes mother?" I put the coffee down on the bedside table in the room that I was only allowed in if I was called and put my hands behind my back, ready for my orders.

"Did you make the break- what is that on your face?" I panicked, knowing that the makeup I had stolen from her bathroom for the competition was obvious. She was going to kill me...

"It's uh, some makeup..." I gulped.

"Well, you can't go out like that." She growled, reaching to pick up the coffee from the table. She took a sip, coughed, then threw the coffee all over me. "And the coffee's burnt, dear."

I resisted the urge not to break into tears and looked at the alarm clock on the table. I was going to be late. "I uh, have to go." I managed.

"What did you say?" My mother raised her eyebrow.

"Can't be late. The school might think something's up." I raised my eyebrow. There was my one advantage. They couldn't take a risk and get called in. I quickly ran out, despite dripping hot coffee that was burning my skin, and ran to school. I was not late. I went to the choir room where I found the whole team getting ready for the comp. It was far enough we got to miss the whole day of school.... that was nice.

"Rachel!" Ms. Corcoran looked at me, shocked. "What happened?"

"The coffee machine and I had a- misunderstanding."

"You drink coffee?" She questioned in a more gentle, kind of confused voice.

"No, I drink tea." I quipped, hoping she couldn't read my lie. I must have looked like I was hit by a bus or something.

"Your hair's a tad messy."

"I know. My mom didn't have time to help me with it." I shrugged as if to say it was no big deal. No big deal that she was the reason I was dripping wet with coffee.

"Do you- want me to help you with your hair?" She hesitated, as if afraid to ask me.

"Yeah." I whispered. We walked to the bathroom where she again took a piece of towel and dabbed it on my face. This was too familiar.

"Do you have your hairbrush?" She questioned quietly. I reached down into my bag and pulled it out. Ms. Corcoran made a disgusted face as if there was something wrong with it and I pretended not to notice. My hair was probably super knotty and this was really going to hurt.

Instead, she gently pulled the brush through my hair and I felt my eyes flutter. So this was what a mother's touch felt like. She didn't talk as she was focused on the hair and I didn't mind a bit. Maybe we could stay like this forever.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back as Ms. Corcoran started pulling my hair into a french braid. She started humming a tune and I was trying to figure out what it was. It sounded really familiar.

"What are you singing?" I jumped up, forgetting that Ms. Corcoran was working on my hair. She stopped humming, surprised at my sudden movement, letting go of my hair.

"It's a Streisand song. It came out right when I was-" Ms. Corcoran stopped. "It's called Tell Him. She sings with Celine Dion."

"I've never actually listened to Celine Dion. I wanted to, but..."

"I have her music on my phone. You can listen to it on the bus ride if you want." She started doing my hair again and she continued humming.

"Did you get it? Did you get it? Did you get it?" A very eagerly pregnant Shelby jumped as soon as she heard the door slam. Tim grinned as Jesse and James ran past him to go into the house. A one year old Jonathan slept in his mobile crib, against the living room wall.

Shelby hobbled over to Tim and tried to wrestle him for the Target bag he was holding behind his bag. He held it high above his head and he grinned as she tried to jump for it, which didn't work in the slightest.

"Please?" She begged, and he finally gave her the bag. She ripped it open and eagerly pulled out the Higher Ground CD.

"Oh my god! Oh my godohmygodohmygod!Tim!!!" Shelby turned around to see Tim happily making himself a sandwich. "There's a Barbra/Celine duet on here!"

Tim dropped his sandwich and his mouth at the same time. He ran over, yanked the cd away and ran over to the CD player. He fumbled until he got it to play. He went back to Shelby and they stood together listening to it. You could say he had a thing for Celine Dion.

"I like it." Tim declared.

Shelby laid a hand on her stomach. "Me too."

Rachel and Shelby were the last two to get on the bus. Shelby plopped down in the front seat next to Will, who was giggling as he texted Emma. Rachel looked around the bus, hoping there was an empty seat so she wouldn't have to deal with any idiots, but every single seat had two people in it. Which meant Rachel would have to stand. She turned her head to the seat opposite her coaches to see Santana playing on her phone, without Brittany in sight. Weird.

"Rachel sit down!" Shelby quipped and Rachel flopped obediently. The bus started moving and Shelby pulled out her phone and earbuds and handed it to Rachel, who obediently listened to Higher Ground.

Soon enough, the bus arrived at the Show Choir Invitational. There were ten middle schools performing here today, and everyone had a good feeling that they would place in the top three. They had a secret weapon after all, and that was Rachel.

The group disassembled to get dressed and stretch before our group meeting and I noticed Tim leaning in the doorway.

"What're you doing here? You should be working!"

"C'mon Shelby you expected me not to come see your first competition of the year? You're not some show choir coach with no husband or family that solely lives for your job..."

"What about the boys?"

"Driving up as soon as school ends. You guys don't perform until later right?"

"Uh huh."

Rachel skipped up to me, perfectly decked in her green dress. Our theme for this comp was Wicked. A Wicked medley would certainly win the judges over. Half of the girls were wearing green, the other half pink and the guys were wearing all black.

"Shelby, who is this? Is she the one that sang at the restaurant?" Tim's mouth dropped open in shock, his hand stretched out, pointing to Rachel, who scrunched her eyebrows at her mention.  
"Tim, that is Rachel, the girl I was telling you about... and yes, it is." I mumbled, hoping he would get my jist.  
"Shelby... is that..." he coughed almost too obviously.  
"No. I don't know. You told me to let it go, so I did. You shouldn't stick your head into this." Rachel skipped down the stage steps, all dressed in her green costume. She smiled at me happily and I smiled back.  
"Did you want us to run through the set list one more time before group?"  
"You guys don't have to... I already told you I thought it was perfect. Did you really come over here to ask me that?"  
"Okay, well actually everyone wanted to know who that was.." she motioned to Tim, still awkwardly staring at Rachel with his mouth hanging open. Rachel pretended not to notice and continued picking at her nails.  
"That's my husband. He's really excited to see the show. My boys might show up later too."  
Rachel turned and smiled at Tim. "Hi Mr..... Corcoran?"  
"Actually she is the Corcoran. I'm a Barnes but she didn't want to take the name."  
I rolled my eyes. "I did that so people could see that I was an off Broadway star. There are people that recognize me from my days on Rent! Seriously! I was on the original cast!!" Tim made a mock face before walking away to find a coffee machine.  
I looked down at Rachel, still standing next to me. "Nervous?"   
"Yeah..." Rachel mumbled. "I'm going to screw up."  
"No you're not. Come on, you proved yourself the day you stood up in front of random strangers and sang a Streisand classic... Perfectly."  
Rachel didn't look convinced. I sighed. "Is there anything that I can say to help you feel better?"  
"Not really. But thanks for trying." And she walked away. I frowned, wishing that there was something I could do to help her feel better. How would I have been able to do this with my daughter if I can't do it with a student? Teenage girls were the worst...  
"I'm a math teacher, I don't do pep talks!" I called after her. She turned back and smiled before continuing. At least I could make her smile.   
Some hours later of watching the other teams on the closed circuit, I heard Will calling the group to meet and I walked over to him and stood next to him with my arms crossed while the group formed a circle and wrapped their arms around each other in a big group huddle.  
"Okay guys, this is it! Everything you've worked for is in this moment! All of our soloists, we believe in you. You guys have worked so hard for this and we know you are going to do great!" Will smiled at them and the group cheered. I felt the urge to add something, so I cleared my throat loudly and everyone looked at me almost harshly.  
"I just wanted to say I'm proud of every single one of you here tonight. You are all such unique people and I-" I took the time to give Rachel eye contact- "want you to know no matter what happens, you are all stars."  
"On three."  
"One,"  
"Two-"  
"Thr-"  
ACHOO!!!  
"Finn get a kleenex!"  
"Three!!"  
We were the seventh team to go out of ten. The other groups were all so very different, but none of them seemed like any competition to us. We were just so good after all. Will and I stood offstage in the wings where we could see everything. My heart was pounding inside my chest and I wasn't even performing.  
"And now, From Lima, Ohio, Stages Show Choir!!" The announcer that oddly enough looked like Omar Sharif announced. He even had the weird accent.  
'What is this feeling, so sudden and new?' Santana started.

'I felt the moment I laid eyes on you.' Mercedes returned.

"My head is reeling."

"My face is flushing."

"What is this feeling?"

"...As long as you're mine,"

"Popular, you're gonna be popular,"

"I'm limited. Just look at me, I'm limited. And just look at you you can do all I couldn't do. Glinda..."

The group just lit up when they performed. It was something I had never seen before. They loved what they were doing and they were having a good time doing it! The other teams didn't stand a chance. Rachel poofed into the front from her hiding spot in the back in the very end.

"So if you care to find me, look to the Western Sky, as someone told me lately, everyone deserves the chance to fly, and if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free, to those who ground me, take a message back from me. Tell them how I am defying gravity. I'm flying high, defying gravity, and soon I'll watch them in renown. And nobody in all of Oz, no wizard that there is or was, is ever gonna bring-"

It was as if time stopped. Rachel turned at me, giving me a look of desperation. She started to run towards me but I pushed her back knowing that she could do it. She would never get past her fear if she kept running away all the time. She fell back onto the stage, stomach towards the floor, tears falling down her face. That was a bad move.

"ME DOWN!!!" She cried. Her mascara smeared all over her face. She looked like a mess.

"Look at her, she's wicked, get her!" The group circled around her. This was not planned.

"Bring me down, AHHHHH!" and everything went black. The crowd went wild. Had they thought it was planned? Okay, so I take back saying that that was a bad idea. The group filed out towards Will and I and we gave them a round of applause. I gave Rachel a pat on the shoulder and she nodded in understanding. Tim and my kids poofed out of nowhere and Tim gave me a peck on the cheek.

"Rachel! That was killer!" Jesse high fived Rachel.

"You two know each other?" Shelby's mouth dropped open.

"Wait, so does your mom know that you're giving me guitar lessons?"

"No. I think that would make it awkward for you and her. I mean, you can tell her if you want to, but I don't think that it's a good idea."

"No." Jesse quipped. "I just remember her from the restaurant that one time. She was really good and stuff."

"Thanks." Rachel responded. "And you are?"

"Jesse Corcoran, Ms. Corcoran's son."

"Cool. You look just like her."

Jesse shook my hand almost too enthusiastically that I couldn't help my lips forming a smile. I looked at Ms. Corcoran and she raised her eyebrows at me. I skipped away to join the rest of the group.

The whole group was in a sort of screaming match. There was clapping and laughing, and for once no one was bullying me or excluding me. Lucy and I hugged, and even Santana seemed a little more friendly.

After nervously watching the last two groups perform, all ten teams were called to sit in the theatre for awards. Ms. Corcoran and her whole family were sitting together, and for some reason that made me incredibly happy. Jesse and Jonathan were laughing at something, and Ms. Corcoran had her head on Mr. Barnes' shoulder. It gave me a pit in my stomach knowing that I could never have a family like that.

"In third place..." I couldn't even hear what the announcer was saying. Everything was a buzz. I couldn't hear or feel anything around me. I saw Ms. Corcoran in the distance, Mr. Schuester on the other side of our group, looking hopeful. A group sitting across from us cheered and got up hugging. They all ran up to the stage like it was the best day of their life.

"In second place..." Another group stood up, again looking like it was the best day of their life. A big part of me was hoping that I would get to feel the pride and joy that they did tonight.

"And the moment you've all been waiting for..." I turned to see Lucy tightly gripping my hand. She smiled at me, and I weakly attempted to smile back. Everything felt numb.

I heard another mumble. I expected our group to stand up and cheer because we won, but that didn't happen. Mr. Schue frowned disappointedly at the ground and Ms. Corcoran had her cold stare shooting at the announcer. Lucy pouted and I pouted back at her.

Our group placed in fifth. Out of eight groups. We weren't that bad. It was all my fault. I knew I should have never played Ms. Corcoran's game in the first place, and stayed in the choir.

Ms. Corcoran took our pity trophy and we all headed back to our bus. I however stopped to look at the school's trophy case. There were so many different awards for show choir competitions. Why did I have to suck so much?"

"Hey." Ms. Corcoran's stern voice broke me from my thoughts. "I know it sucks, but we have to go home sometime, right?"

"It's my fault we lost." I mumbled.

"Rachel... It is not your fault. It's my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you. Both to go back out there and do show choir in the first place."

We started walking towards the exit, Ms. Corcoran's hand on my shoulder. It made me feel better about the whole thing.

"And guess what? You get to sit with me in the front again! Yaaayyy!" I snickered and took the window seat. I always admired being dramatic and gazing out the windows sadly like in the movies.

What I didn't know was that I would fall asleep and subconsciously lean on a Ms. Corcoran that was playing Candy Crush on her phone. This made her smile and throw her loose jacket on Rachel.

When Rachel got home, she closed the door as quietly as she could. She was six hours late, but it wasn't like her parents would notice anyway. I crept up the stairs.

"RACHEL BERRY WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" My mother ran out from the office. She sneered at my hair and street clothes that I threw on when I got back to school.

"Competition. I told you this morning remember?"

"YOU WERE NOT ALLOWED TO GO!!"

"It was mandatory. And since you signed the form, I could go." I smiled knowing that she indeed signed the form without bothering to read it.

"YOU LITTLE BITCH. YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS."

My father came out of the office too. He looked furious. Even more furious than usual. He sneered at me and I tried to figure out to get out, but they had me cornered right at the top of the staircase.

And that is how I went tumbling down the stairs.


	9. Always By Your Side

Mr. Leroy Berry and his wife Sue Sylvester were happy as could be. After many years of trying to have children, Sue had finally gotten pregnant. Once they were farther along in the pregnancy, they found out that the child would have down syndrome. The soon to be parents were perfectly fine with having a child with down syndrome, Sue adored her sister and knew she would adore her child the exact same way. Leroy was a bit more hesitant but he saw how happy Sue was, so he went along with it.

Sue and Leroy were at their ultrasound appointment, when IT happened.

"I'm sorry, why can't we hear a heartbeat?"

"I'm afraid you've had a miscarriage."

Sue had always been a cold person. She was only warm to the people she loved. Her sister, her husband (somewhat) and her child. She had already lost her sister and now she was losing her child.

Leroy did not know what to do. He was a doctor, he fixed people. But, he couldn't fix the person that mattered the most to him, which was indeed his wife. She wanted a baby... but...

Some time later, Dr. Berry was walking the halls when he saw a rather pregnant women being wheeled up to the maternity ward. The woman herself, who was being pushed by what seemed to be the husband, was gorgeous. Long brown hair, green eyes... certainly her child would be the same.

Leroy made sure to talk to the nurses on duty with a little bit of persuasion, and sure enough that baby made its way to him soon after being born. Dark hair, dark eyes. The baby seemed quite calm in his arms. Leroy seemed to like holding a child.

Once he arrived home, he found a pretending-to-be-grumpy-actually depressed Sue, who sneered at the child in front of her.

"That thing will never replace the one we lost. It's not our child."

Leroy's thoughts turned to hate in that exact moment. He took the bundle, threw it in the closet, and realized his wife was right. But he couldn' t take the child back now, so he was stuck with it.

rachel's pov- three weeks prior  
Once I arrived at the Lopez household, I was suddenly nervous for this sleepover. My first sleepover. After all this time of not having any friends, it felt weird going to a sleepover with five other girls and Kurt, even if we had been in show choir for the past five months together.

Santana opened the door before I could ring the doorbell. She grinned at me, and I hoped the others weren't hiding behind the door with slushies. The thought of the ice drink made my eyes stink.

"Hey midget. Glad you were able to make it. Don't worry, no slushies. I promise." I was still very reluctant to the idea of this sleepover. My parents thought I was at a overnight field trip to the science museum with the school, and for some reason I was actually scared that they would know the difference.

Mercedes came over to give me a hug before guiding me to the Lopez basement. The Lopez basement looked very homey from what I could see, with lounge chairs and one of those long couches meant for eight or nine people. Combine that with the flat screen on the wall and Foosball machine, and you have a cool teenager hangout.

For the rest of the night, we sang karaoke, and much to the girls' protest, we watched Funny Girl. None of the others had seen it before and were honestly curious to actually see the Queen at work. By the end of the first half, all the others besides Kurt and I had their mouths hanging open. I just smirked and pulled out Yentl from my bag. I was torn between that and the Way We Were, but TWWW is not a musical so I don't think they would have been AS interested.

After we changed into our pajamas and set up our sleeping bags, Tina and Brittany went upstairs to find the popcorn that was apparently hidden in Santana's closet. Mrs. Lopez brought us a pepperoni pizza and we continued to eat that while talking about all the teachers, because venting about bad assignments makes everything better. We dimmed the lights a lot so we could chill in our sleeping bags. I'm guessing that this was the time when all the girls said who their crushes were.

"So Mrs. Johnson..."

"Mr. Schue totally.."

"Mrs. Alexander...."

I wasn't really listening. I tuned them out because thinking about teachers made me think about her. I tried to shove the thought out of my mind, but it wouldn't go away. How amazing her hugs were, how she always made me feel better about myself...

how she made me feel loved

"Be careful or Ms. Corcoran will come after you!!!" I came back to the conversation when I heard the mention of said teacher. The truth of the matter was that most kids hated her because she was strict and all that stuff, but I knew that she was a total softy (at least when it came to me)

"Hey!! Don't hate on Ms. Corcoran!" My face turned to the color of a tomato when all the other girls turned to stare at me. I had done it.

"Why does it matter? We're only teasing. Ms. Corcoran may be strict, but she's a good teacher." The others agreed. I still couldn't drop the grunted look from my face. I took a deep breath.

"Ms. Corcoran and I, we sort of have this thing..." I started.

Lucy, Mercedes and Santana's eyes widened. Mercedes's mouth dropped open in shock. Was it really that big of a shocker? After all this time... oh.

"No, not that kind of thing. Ew. It's just, we look out for each other and she's there when I need her." The three of them exchanged glances while Santana took a deep breath.

"Rachel, I don't mean to sound like a bitch... but... that's kind of.."

"Psycho. Crazy. Weird. I know. Believe me I know. I can't explain it, it's just, for the first time in my life it feels like somebody wants me, that somebody needs me. Maybe it's all in my mind. I know, she's a teacher, they're not supposed to have favorites, they're not supposed to get close to you. But what difference does it make? She'll forget about me the minute I graduate."

The three of them seemed to be having a serious conversation with their eyes. I couldn't tell whether it was good or bad, but they all looked so serious... Lucy finally broke the silence and looked me in the eye.

"I shouldn't be saying this, but I was in the library last week getting something from the printer and I saw you guys working on the thing for Mr. Schue. The way you guys looked at each other, it wasn't like a student and teacher." She took another deep breath. "Honestly, it was a mother and a daughter."

I shouldn't have told them this, now they're going to have it in their minds that I'm some sort of freak. It's true, I'm not denying it, but now I'll feel more alone than I did before I told them.

"Rachel, I see it between you guys. I'm happy that you're happy. But remember that she is a teacher. Getting attached to her won't do you or her any good in the end," Mercedes spoke her wise words of wisdom.

"Maybe she wanted a daughter." Lucy mumbled under her breath. I wonder if the others heard it too. They do, but choose not to address it. They know Ms. Corcoran, but they don't know her like I do. Maybe Lucy's right, but if that's true then I am far from what she would want.

For some reason, after that I felt so much better. It felt like this weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. The best part was that the girls didn't seem to really think I was crazy or obsessed. Lucy really defended me with this one.  
it was a mother and a daughter....  
Maybe she wanted a daughter....   
it was a mother and a daughter..  
Maybe she wanted a daughter   
Maybe she wanted a daughter   
Maybe she wanted a daughter

Those words kept buzzing in my head long after we decided to stop talking and go to sleep. I sat awake, listening to the soft breathing of Lucy in the distance. I couldn't tell who else was asleep, either way I wasn't really in the mood for anymore talking for tonight. They already knew the one thing that I didn't want anyone else to know.

present day

All of the girls in glee club had become closer. They started to treat Rachel as a person despite the rather sticky past. They would sit together at lunch and often hung out after school. The girls were working on a group performance for the school showcase that would happen later in the month. It was two days after the show choir competition and the girls wanted to have lunch on the stage where they could stand around the piano and practice their dance.

"Has anybody seen Rachel lately?" Mercedes questioned.

"Rachel, yeah Rachel. No..." Brittany reasoned.

The girls continued discussing when they had seen Rachel last when Santana looked up. "I think I know who we should ask."

Santana turned from their spot in the hallway and darted down to Ms. Corcoran's room. Ms. Corcoran was sitting at her desk, grading math papers. I cleared my voice and she looked up with a judging look.

I ignored her look. "Ms. Corcoran, have you seen Rachel lately?"

"No. Is everything okay?" Her glare seemed to drop. Rachel was right, she was totally soft sided when it came to her.

"We can't find her. She never showed up for our lunch rehearsal or any classes after that. She wasn't signed out... which means..."

"I can check the attendance." She said, clicking keys on her keyboard.

"Rachel was absent and there was no call. I'm going to go check with the office and take care of it. Don't worry about the choir stuff, we'll worry about it later."

Shelby couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. There were only a couple times when her mother's intuition really kicked in, once when Jonathan broke his arm and the other when James almost fell down the stairs when he was a baby. Luckily I was there to catch him.

When I got to the attendance office, the secretary was talking on the phone. I impatiently tapped my hands on the counter, leaning back and forth.

"Are there any relatives...? None of them can get here within the hour. Okay. If Ms. Berry wakes up, we can send someone there." The lady was saying. I jumped up. Wakes up? What happened???

I tried some weird facial expression at her to get her to mouth something to me. I got something along the lines of 'stairs and abandoned'. My stomach twisted into a knot and I ran out of the office into the parking lot.

In the twenty minute drive to the hospital I was trying to figure what I was going to say to the nurses when they asked me if I was family. Would they believe me if I said I thought that I was Rachel's mother and that she was stolen from me at birth?

Once I got there I got out and slammed my car door before running as fast as I could in heels into the hospital. While riding the elevator to the pediatric ward, my phone rang and I picked up to hear the annoying voice that is Will Schuester.

"Shelby where are you? You took off without telling anybody!"

"I know, I just..."

"Santana told me you were looking for Rachel. I guess you forgot what I said I would do."

"Will she fell down the stairs because her parents abused her. She has no other family and needs someone she knows." I hung up and ran to the nurse's station.

"I'm looking for a Rachel Berry."

"Relation?"

"Aunt." I spat out without even thinking about it. Surprisingly it worked and she clicked a button before mumbling "Room 1210,"

I wandered quite quickly looking for the 1210, and once I found it I was shocked to see Jesse sitting in a chair playing his guitar to a comatose Rachel.

"Somewhere over the rainbow...  
Way up high  
There's a land that I heard of  
Once in a lullaby..."

He sang the whole song, strumming his guitar. He didn't even realize that I walked into the room and sat down halfway through his song.

"You lied when you said you didn't know Rachel."

"I didn't want you to freak out. You're afraid to get your hopes up that she's Juliette and be disappointed when she's not."

"How did you know she was here?"

"I was the one that found her. She didn't show up for her guitar lesson and I got worried. She told me that if she didn't show up something bad happened. So I went to her house and found her laying unconscious at the bottom of the stairs. I called 911."

"Where are her parents?"

"No one knows. Her mom is the cheer coach at the high school. I didn't know that until today. Mom, she's a monster, she's never once been nice to anyone. There's no way she could love a child. And there's no way she's Rachel's real mother."

"Jesse..."

"Mom I get it. But I just know."

"How did they let you in here if you're not related to her?"

"They believed me when I said I was her cousin that was not listed on the records. I told them I showed up to drive her to school and saw her through the windows. That's when I called."

A nurse walked into the room and the both of us backed up when she inspected Rachel while continuously glancing down at her clipboard.

"From what we can tell, she hit her head on something on her way down and landed on her back. Hitting her head immediately made her black out. The landing on her back is what seems to be the problem in addition to possible brain damage. We need to get her to testing now." And she unhooked the bed and wheeled away Rachel.

Jesse and I both walked down to the cafeteria and I called Tim.

"Shelby, where's Jesse, the school called-"

"He's fine, he's with me at the hospital."

"Hospital?!"

"Rachel."

One word. One word and he knew.

"How do we apply for custody?" I spit out.

"I don't know if we can Shelbs. Where are her parents?"

"MIA."

" Wait til I get there. I'm on my way."

When Tim walked in with Jonathan twenty minutes later, Jesse got up and walked out of the cafeteria with his brother. I turned to Tim, now sitting directly across from me. I was so thankful for my lawyer husband.

"What did you find out?"

"Her father is a doctor here. Her mother works at McKinley. Both of them missed work today."

"How hard would it be?"

"As of right now, not bad. For now we can apply for temporary custody. If they choose to fight it..." His eyebrows dropped. "How is she?"

"In a coma. Landed hardly on her back, hit her head... Juliette..."

"Shelby...We could test her. That would make our case better if she really was.. " he stopped and turned around to look out the window.

"I-" I paused. "I don't care as long as she's okay. We can worry about that later. Maybe."

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Jesse texted me that Rachel was back in her room. I shot a look at Tim, who nodded and we both stood up. We walked up to her room where both of our sons sat, humming a tune to Jesse's slow strums.

"Mom we have to take her home with us." Jonathan announced the minute we walked in the room. Jonathan was only one year old when Juliette was born, so all he had were memories that his brothers had shared with him earlier on.

"Mom-" Jesse started to only be cut off by the nurse coming back in.

"As of right now you are the emergency contacts. Rachel fell down the stairs, and hit her head. The blunt trauma caused a severe internal hemorrhage. We need to do a blood transfusion because she is losing too much blood. Rachel's blood type is AB negative, which is the most rare blood type in the world. Since you are "family" you may have the same blood type."

"I volunteer." Jesse declared without a thought.

"No, you're not the correct one. I put you on file when you brought her in."

"Oh." Jesse sank down in his chair miserably.

"What about you Mom?"

Shelby was surprised by this. Did the nurse know? Juliette was born here after all. Shelby shrugged, mumbling something along the lines of, "I can try."

After being stabbed tragically with a needle, the nurse confirmed that Shelby was a match. This could mean two things, that Rachel really was her daughter or that fate was just a really big thing.

They wheeled Rachel off again to perform the surgery. All went well and they wheeled her back to the room four hours later.

Shelby remained with Rachel for two weeks straight. They did not want to take her out of the medically induced coma until they were sure the swelling had gone down. The other Corcorans came and left, but not Shelby. She sat there every minute she wasn't working. She also held Rachel's hand and sang to her.

Tim sat strumming his guitar on the porch swing, thinking about a thousand different things at once. Mostly the excitement that was his new baby girl coming oh so soon. Strumming his guitar, he picked up his pencil and wrote down some words to describe how he felt, soon enough there was a song. He sang it a couple times playing around with the words.

He was soon joined by a smiling Shelby.

"That's beautiful honey... Just beautiful."

Tim hummed something then mumbled, "let's make it a duet."

Shelby hadn't sang that sing in almost twelve years. It was a song she sang of happiness the first time, and now she had mixed emotions. She was happy because she would probably get to take Rachel home with her, and sad because, well, she was in a coma.

She was ripped out of her thoughts when she felt her hand squeeze and looked down.

Rachel was awake.


	10. People Who Need People

"Nurse!" I shouted. "She's awake!" I jumped up off the bed and slowly moved back, not wanting to scare Rachel with my sudden 'attachment' to her. As far as she knew, I was still just her teacher and show choir coach. And for now I intended to keep it that way.

Rachel was now looking around the room, confused at her surroundings, trying to speak but not able to because of the tube that was shoved down her throat. The nurse ran in, telling her to stop trying to talk and explaining to her what had happened. I leaned against the glass window that showed the hallway and crossed my arms.

"Don't try to talk. You've been in a coma for two weeks. You suffered severe head trauma. Can you squeeze my hand? Good. Can you follow my hand with your eyes? Good. I'll go get the doctor."

The nurse walked out and I texted Tim, telling him she was awake but not to run over here with the boys, telling him I would update him on the situation. I heard shifting on the bed and looked to see Rachel trying to switch positions when she saw me. And when she saw me, her facial expression went from confused... to sad?

Once they got the tube out of her throat and gave her water, I sat down on one of the chairs next to her. She was now propped up and I could see her staring at me while I pretended to be looking at my phone. I gave up and looked back at her.

"What do you remember?" She shrugged back at me. I couldn't tell if she was lying to cover or she was actually suffering from memory loss.

"Rachel you can tell me anything, you know. I've been sitting at your bedside for the past two weeks because I care. Your parents haven't even called and I- applied for custody of you, if that's okay."

She nodded slowly. I couldn't tell if she was actually registering what I was saying or if she was still in shock or whatever medical term described how she was feeling.

I grabbed her hand, and she jumped at the contact. "Your parents can't hurt you anymore."

We sat in silence for a bit until Rachel mumbled, "They didn't do it."

"Rachel you don't have to protect them-" I was cut off by my phone vibrating. Tim needed me to come home... And leave Rachel.

"My kids need me." I mumbled before getting up. "Are you okay?"

Rachel fixed her gaze in the opposite direction and I saw the slightest nod. I wanted to stay but she looked like she wanted to be as far as she could be from me. Tim said that I needed to rush home, that it was important. I took one last look at Rachel before walking out.

After my drive home, I walked up the garage steps into the house and opened the door. Nothing was out of place, then why...

"SURPRISE!" Jesse and Jonathan popped up from behind the counter. I jumped and smiled at them.

"You need a stress free night. Now. You haven't spent one night here in two weeks."

"But Rachel is all alone and-"

"No she's not. I'm going over there." Jesse offered before yanking the car keys out of my hand. Just because he got his license he really likes to rub in the fact that he can go places without my driving him.

Jonathan smiled blandly at me. "Are you okay?"

"Ye-yeah." I stuttered taking a step toward the kitchen table. I let my body fall into the chair and threw my feet up. The last time I did this was five months ago on the first day of school. Things had changed quite a bit since then.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Did your mom send you here? Because she didn't want to bother to stay?" Rachel spat at me when she saw me walk into her hospital room.

"That's not true. We wanted her to go home. Rachel, she hasn't left this hospital since you got here. She only leaves to go to school, coach showchoir, and then she comes back here. She slept on this chair for two weeks Rachel. I'm pretty sure she wants to be here."

"Well what am I supposed to do? I hurt myself and my parents seem to not care and I wake up to find my teacher- a teacher I barely know- has been sitting with me. What am I supposed to think Jesse?"

I paused. "I don't know about your parents Rachel. But I do know my parents would do anything for you. They probably should be the ones to tell you... they're fighting to get custody of you."

Rachel bit her lip. "I don't what to think..."

I smiled and pulled out my guitar. "When you don't know what you feel, you can write a song."

Rachel smiled. "Only if we make it a duet."  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------

Jesse left Rachel to go grab some yearbooks to show her. Rachel was humming her newly made tune when THEY walked in.

"Hi baby." Rachel shrunk back at the sound of Sue's snarled voice. Following her was Leroy.

"We heard you woke up. Just remember that if you say anything you won't live to see the light of day."

Rachel nodded slowly, holding back tears. Why was she the one forced into a life like this one? What would her life be like if she was raised by different people? If she were a Corcoran, she'd probably be an athletic guitar playing popular kid. She could've even been a cheerleader. Who knows...?

"We'll be in the cafeteria discussing your punishment. You're not getting off easy about this."  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was almost slightly relaxed on the couch when my phone rang. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that it was Jesse. Had something bad happened?

"What's wrong Jesse?" I almost cried into the phone.

"Rachel's gone! I went to go get her yearbooks to look at and when I came back she was gone!"

I jumped up, grabbed my keys and coat and dashed to the car, leaving Jonathan sitting in his room without a clue.

"Where is she???" I almost ran into Jesse in the pediatric hallway. "Was she taken or what???" I was practically screaming at the top of my lungs. This was the Ice Queen about to explode.

"Mom.. Calm down!"

"How do you expect me to calm down? My daughter-"

It came out. Just like that. I had never out loud addressed her like that. It felt good. But then it felt bad. Rachel is not mine. She had never mine. She would probably never be mine.

Jesse gave me a sad look. I felt hot tears coming down my cheeks and turned in the other direction, and I ran. I ran and turned and ran and turned until I found a storage closet with the door slightly opened. I needed to vent, like right now.

I opened the door and was shocked.

"Rachel! Give me that!" All those emotions of anger disappeared and turned to sadness. I wrestled the blade out of her hand, struggling to throw it across the room. I heard the satisfying clack against the floor, and just hugged the girl. She struggled to get out, but eventually realized it was worthless and dug her head into my chest. I rubbed her back as her sobbing somewhat subsided. She pulled back to look up at me, I pushed the bangs out of her face, and she winced.

"Why? Why are you so afraid of losing me? I'm just a student... and as far as I'm concerned nobody cares about me. I'm worthless. Especially you. I thought you wanted me, but apparently you don't."

I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. "I had a daughter. Her name was Juliette Elizabeth. We were going to call her Leezl like from the Sound of Music. I only got to see her for a moment. Dark eyes, brown hair. She was beautiful. And then, they rushed her out of the hospital room. That was the last time I saw her. She stopped breathing... and.... I can't afford to lose you too, you're my Rachel... And whatever's bothering you, just tell me!"

"My dad he he he hee..." Rachel muttered between sobs.

"Rachel, what did your dad do?"

Rachel wasn't going to lie.

She couldn't.

Not here.

And not with her.

"He hit me, really hard. Told me I was a fat useless bitch that needed to die. That's when I..." She swallowed. "Fell down the stairs." My stomach twisted into a knot. That asshole was gonna pay for what he did, even if it meant losing my job.

"Rach..." I inched closer to her.

"You can't tell anyone! He's going to hurt me worse! He already hates you as it is! You can't risk your job... your life... for me!" Rachel started hyperventilating and going into a panic attack. I didn't know what to do but I wanted her to trust me.

"Breath in breath out," Her breathing slowed and Rachel stretched before shoving her face into her knees, crawling tightly into the corner. "Why does your dad hate me? He's never met me..."

"You're my show choir coach and the fact that I made contact with you bothers him." She shifted awkwardly in position, and I felt a pang of guilt for forcing the information out of her.

"Look... it's illegal to abuse your kids like that... I can't not report it!" I tried not to explode into a speech about how she deserved more and kept my cool.

" I'll quit show choir and transfer out of your class! After that I will be out of your hair! You'll forget I existed! Please don't report it..."

"You're not quitting show choir and you are certainly not dropping out of my class. But I would just like to clarify that I won't forget you existed. Ever."

"Ms. Corcoran?"

"Yes?"

"What happened to Juliette?"

"She died five minutes after she was born. She would be twelve next Monday."

"Monday's my birthday..."

"Rachel..."

"Where was Juliette born?"

"Lima Community hospital."

"Ms. Corcoran?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm your daughter."

"That's not possible Rachel. She died right after she was born."

"That's where I was born.... here..."

"Rachel... you are your parents' daughter. There is no denying that." I bit my lip. Should I lie to her? I had thought the exact same thing as she did since the day I met her four months ago. But getting her hopes up? False hope was worse than not having hope at all.

But Juliette is dead. She has lived on with me since I saw her being rushed out of the hospital room. I used to pretend that Rachel was her, but that was only hurting myself as well as her.

"No... I'm not. I found papers when I was looking for... something." She hesitated, as if deciding whether or not she wanted to tell me something. I guess not.

"They never told me, and I don't think they were ever planning on it. It wasn't a legal adoption, they paid people so they could take me home."

"How do you know this?" Rachel sat up, and pulled out a crumpled piece of notebook paper which she handed me folded up. I slowly opened it, not really wanting to know what it said.

Dear Mr and Mrs Berry,

The deed is done. Its all yours.

"Their baby died and they couldn't even try to adopt, so they faked my, errr, Elizabeth's death so they could take me home. My father Leroy is a doctor. He could have easily done that without you knowing.."

"Rachel...?"

"Yeah?"

"You can't tell anyone about this. Plus, it might not be true!"

"Then let's do a DNA test! What do we have to lose? Please? You want Elizabeth back, I want my mom back! I need you and you need me! We need each other! Please tell me you actually care about me and this hasn't just been one big fat lie! Has it?"

"Your- her name was Juliette Elizabeth. I wanted to call you by your middle name though, I wasn't really a fan of the whole J pattern thing." I smiled. "Now that I think about it, I think she would have not wanted to be excluded from her brothers,"

"Juliette Elizabeth..." I heard Rachel mutter under her breath. Here goes nothing.

"Rachel, I've cared about you since the day I saw you in my class. I knew you were special. But this, getting a DNA test, what if the others find out? And what if it's not true? Do you really want to put yourself into that position?"

She glared at me, and I could see that I had made her mad. She sniffled before turning her back to me. I walked over to her, nudging her.

"You have to go back, you know."

Rachel took a deep breath. "I know."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Several hours later, I sat down on the edge of the bed, double checking to see if anyone was watching, then stroked the hair out of my daughter's eyes. I felt her stir and continued stroking her hair.

"What happened?" Rachel coughed, and eventually her eyes fluttered open.

"Your parents are here..." I mumbled

"Don't do that." Rachel mumbled back.

"Do what?"

"Pretend like you're not my parent." Rachel looked up at me with a certain amount of annoyance in her eyes. She clearly was sick of bullshit.

"Rachel I-" I started only to be cut off.

"Save it. I don't want to hear it. Go find my parents. Please." I shut my mouth, lingering out of the hospital room.

I left Rachel to go into the waiting room and see if her parents were there. Not that I was looking to that conversation or anything like that. The Berrys sat in the corner. Her father looked down at his cell phone, appearing to be playing candy crush. His hair looked as if it hadn't been brushed in weeks, and his shirt looked like it was from the 80s. I took a deep breath.

"Hi. I'm Rachel's... show choir coach; I was the one they called when she was rushed to the hospital, unlike you." They both looked up at me. He seemed to glare, but I completely ignored it. I had done my part. I turned to walk away, but her father grabbed my wrist, tightly. He spun me back around.

"What did you say your name was?" I turned red. Did they know who I was? What would they do to me? More importantly, what would they do to Rachel?

"Shelby. Shelby Corcoran. We've never met." I tried to sound pleasant and smile as I reached my hand out to shake his.

"We were out of town on a small getaway. The neighbors were watching Rachel." This statement made my jaw tighten. They must have known something. Rachel never mentioned these people, apart from the fact that they threw her down the stairs. They knew she would talk.

"So are you and Rachel close?" He smirked at me, and again my jaw tightened.

"She is a student in my math class and also a member of my show choir." That was not a lie.

"Are you sure that's it? You're her mother aren't you?" It came out like a slur. It sounded like an accusation. One I was not ready for.

"What?" I said in a huffy voice.

"You look just like her."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't act like you don't know."

"I'm sorry?"

"Does she know?"

"Know WHAT?"

"That you're her mother!" They had known this whole damn time. My stomach collapsed. What would they do to me? Were they going to hurt me or what?

"Yes."

"You stay away from her! I'll sue!" I put my hands up in protest, beginning to take slow steps backwards. "I think I should leave now. Just telling you that I will put up a fight." I slowly declared.

"You should leave. And don't even think about taking this to court, I'll ruin you if you do." Her parents both crossed their arms at me, glaring. I felt like I had gone something wrong. But I hadn't. Even if she wasn't my daughter, I still would have probably bonded with her. I was getting that DNA test. I hadn't told Rachel that we were going to do it, but got the nurses to get the sample.

I walked out of the hospital just like that. It didn't feel like I was abandoning my daughter, but in a way I was. I was leaving her to the devils. Maybe they couldn't hurt her now, but that doesn't mean they were good! I knew they made her miserable. Rachel had never said a word about them, but I knew.

Once I was in my car, I threw myself back against the seat and cried. I had my baby yanked from me for a second time. I wanted to just throw myself off of a cliff. What was the point?

I cried in my car, staring out the window facing the hospital. What was I going to do? I had just lost the one person I needed. And the worst part was that I knew she didn't need me. She had her own parents, even if they weren't very supportive. She had her friends. I only had one daughter, sure I had sons but sons don't need their mom like daughters do.

An alarm started going off. I looked up to see Rachel walking through the field in her hospital gown. I slowly got out of my truck and watched through the windows of my car.  
Rachel's 'mom' followed after her, screaming her name. Rachel was paler than when she was in the coma. There was no way she was going to do that to my daughter!

I started running towards her, calling her name. I shot a glare towards Mrs. Berry. A group of bystanders had begun to form. Doctors were running towards both Mrs. Berry and Rachel with sedatives at the ready. I was not going to watch this.

"Hey!" I shouted toward the doctors. "Give me two minutes!" The doctors nodded, restraining Mrs. Berry back, who was screaming at me to leave her daughter alone. Her daughter. Snicker.

I turned towards Rachel, who was still speed walking towards the busy street. "Hey! Rachel!" She glanced back at me and continued walking. "Hey, talk to me!" I grabbed her wrist and slowly pulled her back.

"Let go, let go, I need to get out of here!" She screamed, trying to get out of my grip.

"What are you doing?"

"She's going to hurt me!!" I tried not to wince at the fact she was so scared.

"Rachel.... Is this because you want attention from me? Your parent-"

"They're not my parents! Don't you dare call them my parents!" She snapped and tried to release my grip on her wrist. I suddenly realized it.

"You did this because you wanted me to confront them..." I mumbled, dropping her wrist. I expected her to run, but she stood right by me.

"And admit to you that you were my mother. Which they did, did they not?" She said, crossing her arms.

"Rachel- I..."

"Mom. It's not worth it."

oh my god

"Look, I'm fine I promise. Okay?"

"Okay. You want a hug?" I opened my arms.

She took a deep breath. "Yeah." She mumbled before throwing herself into my chest. It was the whole I'm her protector and she needs me thing all over again. But once I released her, who knew what that woman who dared to call herself the mother of my child would do to her.

"Mom. Relax. There are nurses here, she can't pull any stunts or try to hurt me. I'm okay. I'll come visit you as soon as I'm back in school."

"There's no way I'm letting you spend another day with them!"

"What are you going to do?"

"Mr. Corcoran put in a report of abuse. Even if you don't come back with me you're not going back there. Don't try and stop me!! You'll never stop me!!" And we both laughed.

"Ready to go back in there?"

"Yeah." I put my arm around her shoulders and walked her towards the crowd of doctors, who didn't look like they were too happy about Mrs. Berry, at all. Rachel glared at her before walking into the crowd. Mrs. Berry sneered at me before turning around and following them.


	11. Maybe Far Away or Maybe Real Nearby

It was two days later when someone from child protective services showed up to interview Rachel. Tim and I stood in the hallway of the hospital and watched through the window as the lady talked to Rachel, who seemed overly confident for some reason. I know where she got that from. Overly confident was basically a cover up defense mechanism. We had told her it would be fine, that she needed to tell the truth and then her parents would never see her again.

The cps worker stood up, said goodbye to Rachel and then came out to us.

"Ms. Berry over there is a very charismatic girl. Very confident. Doesn't go along with the qualities of an abused child. But what she told me convinced me. You seem like good people. That's why you are granted temporary custody for the time being, until the case is seen in family court."

"... and if the DNA test comes out positive?" I cleared my throat.

"Your chances at regaining custody will be much higher. And the punishment for her "parents" will be worse. Have a good day."

Tim and I walked into Rachel's room and sat down on the chairs. Rachel gave me a hopeful look and I nodded.

"You get to come home with us..."

Rachel almost jumped out of the bed with excitement. She smiled so widely her face could break. She looked much better than when she was admitted. Apart from headaches, she was good to go. Not that we were going to let her do anything besides sit on the couch. She also had three months of physical therapy for her back.

As I wheeled her towards the exit, I told her how my oldest son James was coming home from college for Thanksgiving break. James was probably hit the hardest when Juliette 'died' since he was the oldest and remembered it the most.

"What if he doesn't like me?" she muttered under her breath.

"Rachel, he's going to love you. Honestly. You're like a little sister to Jesse and Jonathan already. It's not like he has any reason to not like you."

She sighed. "Is there any way we could stop at my house? Both my parents should be-"

Just then, out of nowhere, Leroy jumped right in front of the wheelchair, scaring Rachel into curling into a ball. I glared at him. If only looks could kill.

"You're currently breaking a restriction order... you might want to think about that one." I almost smiled. He couldn't do anything to hurt my baby. Not anymore. Not while I was in charge.

"Just letting you know that I will see you in court. And you, brat, just remember Mommy here can't always protect you." And with that he stomped away.

I looked down at Rachel, still in a ball. I could hear her muffled cries and watched as she shook. I put a hand on her back and rubbed it.

"He's gone. You're safe. I won't let him touch you ever again." She didn't move. I sighed and continued pushing the wheelchair through the automatic doors until I made it to Tim, double parked in front with the truck.

"Rachel. Come on."

Nothing.

"Rachel it's time to go."

I sighed and maneuvered her arms, picking her up in my arms. She was so light, unhealthily light. She moaned and tightly wrapped herself around me. Someone was very clingy today.

Not that I had a problem with that.

I opened the back door and put Rachel on the seat, who curled up into a ball. After debating whether or not to sit in the back with her, I decided to give her some space.

The drive home was awkward. Very awkward. Tim and I tried to create conversation to no avail. Eventually I grabbed my Phantom CD from the center console and pushed it in. Not even Michael Crawford's Music of the Night helped. 

 

After a while, Rachel spoke up. "Can we stop at my old place? I need to grab something. We're really close to it. " Tim and I shared a look and eventually agreed. Once we pulled up in the driveway, I felt sick to my stomach. The old house, big and brown, look dreary, almost like something out of a murder mystery.

This was where my daughter grew up. She thought this was her home. A home she went to to get hurt and shot down. To not be happy, but to wish she was somewhere else, with someone else.

Some home.

Rachel popped off her seat belt and slipped out of the car. I debated whether or not to follow her but then realized she needed this. Closure. Saying goodbye was never easy.

"Shelby, do you think we should follow her? And by we I mean you because she clearly doesn't like me."

"I will, and Tim, she will love you too, just give it time." I unbuckled and walked through the door Rachel opened. The house inside was very neat, it looked more like a display then a home. No pictures of the family, no signs that there was a child in this house. Walking to the kitchen I see that, like the rest of the house, it is also spotless. The fridge is bare of school calendars, magnets, pictures, or report cards. The stuff that covered my fridge was nowhere to be found.

A single folded sheet of paper was stuck to the fridge. I yanked it off to open it. I didn't care about these people's privacy anymore, not after what they did to my child. My heart skipped a beat as I scanned the page.

Rules:

1\. Clean all bedrooms. Make beds.

2\. Make dinner.

3\. Clean rest of house.

4\. Do all homework.

Failure to complete these will result in a severe punishment

Approved:   
Sue Sylvester   
Leroy Berry

Signed by:   
Rachel Berry ⭐️ (<\- that's a gold star for those of you who can't see it)

I heard footsteps and saw Rachel glaring at me with her arms crossed, grasping a dirty hello kitty bag scrunched in her hand.

"Rachel.. What are the severe punishments?"

"They'd hit me, burn me... The usual. Do you like my signature? Gold stars are kind of my thing. You know how you have that wall of stars in your room? I saw that... And that's when I started adding the gold star to my signature."

In my classroom on my back wall there was a collection of gold stars. Each gold star represented a student that was in any of the school musicals that I directed over the years. I stopped putting them up when I stopped directing them a couple years ago.

"Gold stars are a symbol for you being a star. Maybe someday you'll be up on that wall. I haven't added anybody in years though," I looked at the bag in Rachel's hand. "What's in the bag?"

"My childhood." She answered. She sat on a kitchen stool, putting her bag up on the counter. Dumping it, I saw several movie cases and a bunch of papers clipped together.

She stacked the movies alongside so I could read the labels. Annie, Sound of Music, Hairspray, Carousel, Hello Dolly and Funny Girl.

"I stole them from my parents. I used to watch them all the time when I was little until they took them away. I found them all eventually, watching them one by one in the middle of the night when my parents couldn't catch me."

"Which one is your favorite?" I questioned, motioning to the stack.

"Funny Girl." Rachel answered without a hesitation. "It was the one movie they left when they took them all away. After that I just knew. When I was scared I would plug my ears and sing Don't Rain On My Parade. Barbra kept me going."

"Do you want to hear the story of the first time I saw Funny Girl? I was seventeen, a senior in high school. I was debating my life choices. It was my last year in high school. I could either go out for the varsity basketball team or the fall musical, West Side Story. I hadn't been in any other shows in high school besides showchoir. I walked in the house really late from basketball practice and everyone else was asleep. My sister had brought home Funny Girl on tape because she borrowed it from a friend and left it in the VCR. I pressed play and was amazed. I was up until four in the morning after that because I had to do all my homework while trying to watch the movie again. I was a zombie the next day, despite that I went to the musical audition."

"And..."

"And I got Maria."

"I... read online you played Maria in an off Broadway production too."

This made me smile. "You looked me up? Are you a professional stalker in disguise?"

Rachel blushed. "Yeah. When I first met you, and I... felt a connection to you. It was so stupid. I promise I'm not a secret agent.." I chuckled at her blush and put my head in my hands leaning against the counter.

I looked at the stack of papers. "It was not stupid... What're those?"

"Lucy is in yearbook. She took a ton of candid pics in show choir and printed some for me. I absolutely love them."

She handed me the pictures. There was a pic of her and Lucy singing the duet, a picture of Rachel during her Wicked solo, on the floor singing her heart out, a picture of her singing in Rose Garden....

And a picture of me and her.

"When was this?"

"It was that first invite! Remember that one time when you practically had to drag me to the bus because I screwed up and didn't want to come home?" She laughed.

"You were so embarrassed!" I giggled. "When did Lucy take this?"

"Lucy is really good at taking these without the people knowing."

"Maybe she is the secret agent then! Taking secret pictures!!" I sighed and looked at Rachel seriously. "Are you ready to say goodbye, to this life?"

Rachel put the bag on her shoulder. "I already have."

When we pulled up into our driveway twenty minutes later, Rachel couldn't escape the mouth drop that happened when she saw the house.

"This is where you live?!?" Rachel screamed, getting out the car. "It's so huge!!"

Jesse and Jonathan ran down the garage steps and attacked Rachel in the middle of a deadly squish hug. "Guys I can't breathe!! Guys!" I heard muffled through the two boys. Tim and I laughed and watched as the two boys carried Rachel inside. She kept screaming at them to put her down but was laughing at the same time, so we knew she was absolutely fine. She would be just fine.

"Oh yeah Mom, Aunt Emily called, she's not coming for Thanksgiving this year. Uncle Aidan has to work Thursday night for Black Friday."

"Well that's what you get for managing an electronics store! There's probably a line outside that place already and it's only Tuesday!" Trails had the whole Thanksgiving week off, hence Shelby was off from work and Rachel was out of school, apart from the two weeks she would have to make up.

Shelby still had a whole lot of Thanksgiving shopping to do because they hosted Thanksgiving each year. And for the first time, Shelby was actually excited. She had her baby girl --the baby girl that her son was currently tickling to death smiling and laughing --back with her. She didn't need a DNA test to prove that.

The phone rang and Shelby picked up the receiver, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Hello Shelly." An eager voice squealed through the phone, calling me the nickname I had been stuck with since I was a kid.

"MOM??"

Katherine Corcoran was a toughie. She raised her daughters to be strong and self sufficient. That didn't go to say that she didn't love her daughters, she would go to the end of the Earth to protect any of the four of them. She lived two hours away, closer to Shelby's sister Amy because she helped her babysit the kids when Amy was on business trips.

"I just wanted to call and see how you are doing with your Thanksgiving planning. You know I'm always willing to do Thanksgiving here at my house. I don't know how you do it."

"Mom, you know I love doing Thanksgiving here. It's a Corcoran family tradition. Besides, we have ... company..."

Her mom seemed to cough on the other line. "Who, honey?"

Shelby debated her wording for a split second before answering, "my daughter."

"Wait, your daughter, as in, Juliette, your child that died at birth?"

"That's the one." Shelby was certain. A DNA test would only prove what Shelby already knew.

"... I don't know what to say... I'm heading out right now." And then she hung up.

"Your mother?" Tim questioned.

"Coming over right now." I answered with a smile. My mother was very... compassionate and determined to say the least. When Jesse came down with the flu when he was ten, my mother dropped everything and came to stay here for two weeks and didn't even tell my father where she was going.

"Grandma's coming!" I announced to the kids, both of the boys had sandwiched Rachel on the sofa, still trying to tickle her to death.

"Your mother?" Rachel questioned hesitantly. "And... you called me your daughter..." Rachel looked down, almost ashamed.

"Well yeah, you're our mother's daughter as much as you're our little sister. Besides, Grandma Katherine's a soft toughie. She'll love you Rach." Jesse gave her a pat before getting up and going upstairs, presumably to play guitar. Jonathan walked over to get a drink from the refrigerator and (then started) walking down to the basement, to do whatever he wanted.

I walked over to the couch and sat down next to Rachel. "You okay, chica?"

Rachel went back to picking the lint on her pants. "You called me your daughter... And you didn't even want to get the stupid DNA test."

I took a deep breath. "We don't need the DNA test to prove that you're our daughter. It's just a piece of paper. Besides, I already put in the order for the DNA test while we were at the hospital. I didn't want to tell you because you were already very tense as it was. Do you forgive me?"

"I guess so...." Rachel mumbled.

"You guess so? You guess so, huh?" And I pounced on Rachel in a full out tickle attack.

"Stop, stop, stop, stop!!" She squealed out of breath from all the giggling.

"Come shopping with me? Just you and me? Pleeeeaaaasssseeeeee?" I held out that last word in an opera like way and made my voice crack on purpose.

"What about your mother?" Rachel questioned with a tilted head.

"We'll worry about that problem when it happens in a couple of hours. Let's go!" I helped Rachel up off the couch. I waved to Tim, still standing in the kitchen making food and Rachel waved at him nervously. I nodded at Tim, who nodded back. Give it time.

"So what do you want to eat for Thanksgiving? Some people love turkey, hate turkey.... We could do ham..." I said as we pulled out of the driveway, Rachel in the passenger's seat.

"Well Thanksgiving... We always celebrated that with the smelly relatives. They literally smelled like heavy wine and cigarettes all the time. We went to my aunt's house and she would cook turkey. I always felt sick eating turkey or any kind of meat basically and would throw up. But my mom told me I had to eat it to be polite or whatever otherwise she would punish me. I didn't want to know what that meant so I forced the turkey down my throat, and would always get sick later. One year I think I was so sick that I should've been taken to the ER but everyone said it was my imagination. So I'd rather not eat turkey if you don't mind. Honestly, I want to be vegetarian." 

"Rachel, listen to me. Don't ever let anyone force you to do anything again. Especially if it makes you sick. So, what do you want to eat for Thanksgiving?"

Rachel thought long and hard about what to say, making the motion of stroking her imaginary beard.

"Mac and cheese would be nice."


	12. A Mac and Cheese Thanksgiving

Shelby is, as usual, pretending to be having a good time but she's really not. Watching her niece two year old Marley play with four year old Artie just really made her wish her daughter could be with them. Sitting between her sister Amy and Tim at the dining room table, tuning out whatever they're talking about. She sighs and watches as her boys play with baby Marley. Juliette would be about three years old- already talking and laughing and playing. She smiles cheekily as her two front teeth are growing in.

Shelby's sister Millie hovers above the kids as a mother should.

The boys have a new goal - getting Marley to take her first steps. James and Jesse are trying to pull her up from the ground, her little wobbling legs making it hard. Millie watches them, tempted to tell them to be gentle, but she trusts them.

Twenty minutes later, Marley is walking all the way from the living room to the dining room, with only a couple falls to record for. Millie is practically on the verge of tears, her baby just took her first steps. Taking as many pictures as she can, she tells Marley to go to her Aunt Shelly. Shelby, rubbing her temples, looks at the child smiling at her. She smiles back and awkwardly lifts the child on her lap. The child seems really happy in Shelby's hold.

Shelby on the other hand, can't seem to shake the weird feeling that comes with holding a baby girl that isn't hers- she loved Marley, no doubt about that, but she wasn't Juliette.

"Hi Marley," she sing-songed. Marley giggled.

Shelby sighed. She needed fresh hair. She gave Marley a kiss on the cheek before putting her down and proceeding to get up and leave. Tim watched his wife leave and sighed.

On the other side of town, Rachel was mushed. Her older cousins had thrown themselves on her and she couldn't move. They'd already destroyed her house that she would have to clean up later, and she felt sick from all the food she had shoved down her throat.

All the adults were sitting outside smoking cigarettes and drinking beers. They didn't care what went on with the children as long as it wasn't their own children getting in trouble or getting hurt.

Maybe she could just slip out of there for a while, they wouldn't notice that she was gone...

Once she was out from underneath five other kids, she ran all the way to the park. There were no lights near the park, and it was pitch black, but Rachel didn't care. As long as she could swing in peace and talk to the stars for a bit, she would be fine.

Shelby sat on a swing three swings down. She didn't dare question the girl, she would get scared and run away. It was too dark for her to see the girl's face, she was really small.

As long as she got to talk to Juliette and the stars, she would be fine.

Walking around Costco, Rachel was shyly grasping Shelby's arm as she pushed the cart around the store. She didn't say much, just looking around amused at how big the store was. The last she had gone shopping was... well... she couldn't remember it.

"Want to try some?" Shelby said pointing to the lady giving out free samples of chips and guacamole. Rachel shook her head. Shelby sighed. "So, is there anything you're dying to eat? Something you haven't eaten in forever, always wanted to try?" Shelby said, turning around to dump stuff in the cart for dinner.

"No. I don't want anything. I'm already a burden." Rachel mumbled, hoping Shelby wouldn't hear. She did, turning down to look at Rachel.

"You are not a burden. If that's what those people told you then you should know that it's obviously not true. If you don't know, I'll tell you, it's not true. You're my daughter. It's kind of like a law that you're supposed to spoil your children and buy them everything they want. Especially if you missed the first eleven years of their life. Again I say, is there anything you want to try? Don't make me pout." She said, smiling almost too widely.

"Okay, this is going to sound dumb, but I've never had guacamole." Rachel said, motioning to the lady giving away the samples.

"Let's go try it then!" Shelby said, giving the cart a heavy push.

"Oh my gosh! This is so good!" Rachel said, shoving the whole chip in her mouth before proceeding to take another one. Shelby laughed, grabbing two rather large counters and dumping them in the cart.

Once they passed the clothing section, Shelby looked up and saw the cutest shirt ever. It was totally Rachel, or at least she thought. Rachel rolled her eyes at her squealing mother and sighed.

An hour and a half later, Shelby and Rachel appeared back at the house and found the whole family sitting around the kitchen table, in addition to Shelby's mother and her son James.

"James!!" I dropped the bags on the counter and ran over to my not so baby boy squeezing him. Only seeing him during holidays was not doing so much for my motherly ways. Rachel on the other hand dumped the other bags on the counter and stood there crossing her arms.

"Well come over here my dear!" My mother motioned to Rachel, who slowly made her way to my mother. Tim and Jesse were picking at their nails and Jonathan was literally staring out the window.

"You look just like Shelly! Shelly where did you find this lovely?" I couldn't see, but from what I gathered my mom was giving Rachel a full examination, and yes, pinching her cheeks. I let go of James and went back to leaning on the counter, stirring what was left of the coffee I bought at the store.

"She was a student at the school where I teach."

"Can you sing darling? Oh of course you can sing you're Shelly's daughter." I saw Rachel mouth 'Shelly?' at me and I nodded back. Rachel stayed quite quiet throughout this ordeal and kept a straight face. I couldn't tell if this was another sort of defense mechanism or if she was mad about something.

"So Rachel, Jesse was telling me you like playing the guitar. Please tell me you're going to play for me!" Rachel's face went a bright red.

"I..." Rachel mumbled. "I can't."

"Why not?" My mother asked. "Go on Jesse, go get one of your guitars." Jesse got up and went to get it, not really wanting to fight with my mother. Rachel gave me a look that said if I didn't help to get her out of this she was never going to talk to me again. I know she would never do that, but I didn't want to see her try.

"Mom!" I spoke up. "I just remembered that Rachel and I have a nail appointment in like twenty minutes! C'mon Rach!" Let's just say I was really glad my mother was facing the other way.

"Oh. I want to come! Let's go!" My mother jumped up, startling Rachel and everyone else, and grabbed my keys off the table and went into the garage. Tim gave me a look and I shrugged back at him. Rachel walked over to me and gave me a pout.

"We don't have a nail appointment..." Rachel pointed out.

"Well, make one." I said handing her my phone. "She's not that bad once you get to know her..." Rachel ignored me and started clicking at my phone.

"Well, are you guys coming?" She screamed from inside the garage inside my car. I gave Rachel a gentle push and she continued walking while staring at my phone in her hands.

My mother sat herself in the passenger seat of my car and handed me my keys. I rolled my eyes and put the car into drive. My mother looked out the window, pointing out things like the knocked over stop sign at the end of the street or the blinking stoplights.

Rachel continued clicking items on my phone and I wondered if she was actually doing the nail appointment or looking up Broadway shows.

"All your daughter knows how to do is play on that phone of hers..."

Why are old people so hypocritical of technology? Rachel didn't even have her own phone. I was going to have to add her to our plan. That reminded me that I also had new sleeping arrangements to plan. We were going to give Rachel the guestroom but now that my mother was here we were going to have to rearrange for a couple more days.

Rachel didn't say a word throughout the whole nail appointment or the shopping afterward. I could tell she was nervous because she kept glancing up at me hopefully, like I could do something about it.

Once we got back home, Rachel stomped away upstairs. I didn't pay any attention to her and started making dinner. Tim was sitting at the counter doing something on his laptop and my mother was shaming me, like usual.

"How dare you let her stomp off like that Shelby. You let her act like she owns the place! What kind of parent does that? Why would you bring her here? She was probably raised as a spoiled, selfish-"

"SHE WAS ABUSED MOM!!" I spat, irritated by her insults.

"Abused how? Not having enough cellular data?"

"Her parents burned her, hit her, treated her like their slave and threw her down a f****** flight of stairs and she was in a coma for two weeks!! The doctors weren't even sure if she was going to survive because of all the swelling in her brain! And if she had landed even slightly different then she did, she would have been paralyzed! She wouldn't have survived if I hadn't given her my blood, MY blood. I didn't even know my daughter that well because they stole her from me! Does that count as abuse to you?"

My mother was taken back. I had pushed her to the limit. She would probably scold me for my behavior like I was five and then guilt trip me for the rest of the time she was here. She had done it before.

What Shelby didn't know was that Rachel and the boys were sitting on the stairs listening to their mother screaming. Rachel was silently crying, shaking massively and Jesse was the one with his arm wrapped around her. Jonathan and James were sitting at the top of the stairs, Jonathan telling James about Rachel's 'parents'. The four children had grown into a group of sorts, with Rachel being the baby and James seeming to be the mature adult.

Katherine Corcoran was not usually easy to get rid of. She didn't like being told what to do, especially by one of her offsprings. She grabbed her purse off the table and huffed away. Tim got up from the couch and came over to Shelby.

"Did I honestly say something wrong?" Tim wrapped his arm around Shelby and she sighed.

"No, you just defended your child." Tim declared.

"My child!" Shelby's neck snapped up, and she ran over to the stairs where Jesse was still rubbing Rachel's back as she cried silently.

"Are you okay?" I looked from Jesse to Rachel to Jonathan and James up at the top of the stairs.

"Yeah. I just- don't like her. And I really don't like yelling either." I shot a look at Jesse and he nodded, giving Rachel another pat on the shoulder before heading up the stairs and clearing as the three boys went into one bedroom. I sat down next to Rachel and took her hand into mine.

"Are you really okay?"

"I'm such a freak. I can't even listen to people pick on me without crying. I was slushied and bullied for years, yet when she comes here and insults me I cry like a baby. Why?"

"Maybe you never cared what the people at school thought yet you care what my mother thinks?"

"Yeah." Rachel mumbled glumly. "She's your mother, and I want her to like me."

"She loves you Rachel, she's just- difficult. You and her have a lot more in common than you think."

"Like what?"

"Where do you think you got those brown eyes from? It certainly wasn't from green eyed me. "

"Is she coming back for Thanksgiving?"

"I don't know chica. I don't know."

Two days later when Thanksgiving came, Rachel was blissfully settling to life at the Corcoran household. When she woke up and ran down the stairs, she expected her mother and brother to be sitting at the table but found Tim. And only Tim.

Rachel had nothing against Tim, he was presumably her father after all, but she just couldn't shake the fact that all fathers were... evil. And yes, she knew that wasn't true. She just didn't trust him yet.

"Hello," Tim greeted.

"Hi..." Rachel started nervously.

"Your mother and brothers went to get Marley from the airport. Your mom wanted to take you but you were still sleeping and we didn't want to wake you. Want some pancakes?" Tim turned around to get a plate from the cupboard.

"Who's Marley?"

"Your cousin. Your mother's sister Millie had to work and her husband... they're having problems. I won't lie. Marley and your mother are very close and all so she's still coming for Thanksgiving. You guys are about the same age and probably have similar interests." Tim spun around and handed her a plate with pancakes and a glass of orange juice. "Be easy on her though, she hasn't lived the life of luxury either."

"How?" Rachel snorted. To find anyone in the same age range as her that would want to be her friend was like the impossible dream. The glee club accepted her and that was great, but they wouldn't go out of their way for her. She was still the Man Hands midget.

"They lived in poverty. We offered to help but they didn't want our help. They got out of it though and are doing much better now that Millie has a more stable job."

\------------------------------------------------------

Shelby was always excited when her sisters came around for holidays. Especially when the daughter that she always wished for during these holidays was going to be there.

Amy, the oldest of the four, was determined to say the least. Her husband left her, and her son Artie was paralyzed in a car accident when he was eight. Despite that, he was a happy kid that loved music and dreamed of being a dancer. Him and Jonathan were really close and you could generally find them hiding out in the basement, and we never knew how they got Artie down there in the wheelchair. I knew he loved music because sometimes when they stayed here I could hear him playing Jesse's guitar at night and singing. That's true passion for a 12 year old.

April, the second oldest, has no general idea of what she wants to do with her life. Like me she spent some time in New York, although she dropped out of high school, trying to find herself but like me failed to find a place to call home. I never really know what that girl is up to but she always shows up at Thanksgiving. Last thing I heard she was having alcohol problems. No matter what she will always be my sister and I love her for embracing me into music.

My sister Millie and I have always been closest. It was probably because of our closeness in age and how the older two always left us out. She, like me, was athletic and did sports in high school. She was not as musically inclined as April and myself, but she also got into trouble after high school, even though she graduated, she had some money problems. My parents and siblings always offered to help her, but she would never take it. Her daughter Marley and I were tight as could be. She was the only little girl I had for eleven years and I was proud to be her favorite aunt.

Jesse and I wandered the airport lobby, looking for Marley. The boys drove off to get coffee from the drive thru across the street while we collected Marley.

"Aunt Shelly!" I turned to see my second favorite brunette little girl running towards my outstretched arms and I lifted her up, holding her. Jesse walked away to go get luggage and I squeezed Marley. She had gotten thinner since the last time I had seen her, her hair had gotten longer and she had gotten taller. Why was she thinner? I'd have to ask later.

"I missed you baby girl," I mumbled, remembering how I used to call Marley that while I secretly wished I had MY baby girl.

Marley was younger than Rachel by nine months, so technically she was my second baby girl. She was just the only baby girl I got to see grow up. Jesse came back with the luggage, high-fiving Marley and we found my Suburban parked near the front of the parking lot. On the way back, Marley babbled about being in middle school and how she was in choir and I smiled.

At home, Rachel eagerly waited for the return of her mother and her brothers and HER. She was probably way too attached to her mother, yet she didn't care. When the front door opened Rachel literally ran so fast she almost ran into the screen door. She was met by a girl the same age as her, five inches taller.

"Hello." Marley peeped. Rachel tilted her head, examining her. Marley took a step back nervously. The door behind her opened and Shelby walked in, a smile apparent on her face.

"Hi Rachel! I see you met Marley." Shelby was so happy that she had both of her little girls with her at last. They could totally be close, they had singing in common.

"Uh huh." The girls both smiled nervously.

"Rachel, show her your room. You guys are going to share while she's here." Rachel's mouth dropped open and Shelby chose to ignore it, walking past them both into the kitchen.

"Let's go." Rachel grumbled, grabbing Marley's arm and dragging her up the stairs. She shoved Marley into the room, then ran back down the stairs to her mother.

"This isn't fair!" She shouted. Shelby turned around from the stove where she was helping Tim with the turkey and raised an eyebrow. Her first temper tantrum. Shelby crossed her arms as if to tell her to go on.

"I shouldn't have to share my room with her!" Rachel screamed. "Why can't she sleep on the couch? If she's poverty level she should be used to worse!"

"RACHEL!!" That had done it. She crossed the line. "You're going to go to your room, say sorry to Marley for being rude and then stay in your room alone for a while to think about how lucky you are. You clearly aren't thankful for everything you have. You think you have a right to everything you have, look at where you came from!"

Rachel gave her mother a dead glare before performing the perfect Rachel Berry stomp out. Shelby rolled her eyes and turned back to Tim, still handling the turkey. She heard the door fling open, Marley's minimal scream as she was pushed out of the room, and a door slam. Marley came into the kitchen soon after and sat at the counter, clearly bummed by Rachel's insults.

"She didn't mean that... I just- honestly, I think she's kind of jealous of you," Shelby leaned on the counter.

"Why would she be jealous of me? I'm little miss poverty level remember? I should be used to worse because I had to sleep in a homeless shelter for a year of my life."

"You had me around your whole life. Rachel didn't. Doesn't matter if she was in a mansion or in a homeless shelter. You always had your mother or me around and when things got tough for your mom she sent you here to stay with us."

"I hate it when they call me that. Poverty. It's such a bland word. It automatically makes you sound like a homeless sleeping on a rag person. That's not true. And I hate it when people aren't appreciative of this," She made a motion to the big house around them.

"I know." Shelby mumbled dryly.

A couple hours later the other Corcorans started filing through the front door. Amy got Artie up to the house with the help of Jonathan, and April slyly came in and got a beer from the garage. They both kept asking Shelby if what their mother said was true, that her daughter had come back from the dead. Shelby kept deterring the question, looking up at the slammed door, wondering what Rachel was doing up there.

When it was time for dinner, Shelby was the one to go upstairs into Rachel's room. At first glance she saw the troubled tween laying stomach up staring at the ceiling.

"Shouldn't you be with Marley right now?" Rachel sassed.

"Rachel I don't need this right now. There is a table full of people down there ready to eat a dinner because they are thankful you are here tonight among other things. You're going to go down there and greet everyone with a sweet face and eat your dinner while making casual conversation. Understand?"

Rachel glared but still got up from the bed and stomped down the stairs.

Shelby took her seat next to Tim at the head of the table. Rachel nervously took a step into the dining room. The table was full of people she didn't know staring up at her.

"She's gorgeous." she heard someone whisper.

"A mini Shelby," she heard someone else whisper.

She awkwardly took a seat next to Marley who was sat next to Jesse. She mumbled a bland "I'm sorry" to Marley and turned away.

"Hey Mom," Jesse spoke. "I think before we cut the turkey we should go around the table and everyone should say what they're thankful for."

"Great idea!" Shelby winked. She took her wine glass and cleared her throat. Everyone turned to look at her. "I'm so blessed this year. I have all of you around me and I have my daughter Juliette, aka Rachel back after all this time."

Tim spoke up. "I'm thankful for all of that too."

Jonathan shrugged. "I'm thankful for my sister and my brothers and my mom and dad. They're all so strong and can handle anything thrown at them."

Rachel's stomach went into a knot. They were thankful for her? After the bratty way she acted? She turned to look at her mother, smiling at Rachel's Aunt April.

"I'm thankful for all of you, especially that gorgeous Rachel over there. And, surprise, I got a part in the new Broadway show, as an understudy, but still!! It's Broadway baby!"

Rachel zoned out as they laughed and finished going around the table, tears forming in her eyes. This was her family. She just met them, yet she knew. They were the ones that were going to make her sides hurt from laughter and come see all of her plays and concerts. It was these people. She didn't know them, but she loved them.

"I'm thankful that I get to spend Thanksgiving with you guys. Things with my parents haven't been too great, but I can take a plane and be here with my family. I love you guys so much, and Rachel, I know we just met but I really think we can be great friends." She smiled at Rachel, and again Rachel felt the knot in her stomach grow larger, guilty for what she had done.

Oh. It was her turn.

Staring down nervously at her mac and cheese that hopefully would not make her sick. She looked up, tears now flowing freely down her cheeks. She looked at everyone sitting at the table, waiting for her to talk.

"I'm thankful-" she gulped, her sobs hiccuping as she tried to speak, "for all of you. I just met you and I just know. You're my family. I'm thankful for the fact that for once I don't have to spend Thanksgiving sick, or thrown under my cousins as their pillow, I get to sit at a table with people that I love and I get to get to know you because I didn't get a chance to for the first eleven years of my life. Tim and Jesse and Jonathan and James, you're more than I expected when I used to sit in the park and wish for a family. And my mom," She paused to look at Shelby, also shedding a couple tears that she was clearly trying to hide. "You're my hero. I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for you. At this table or in this world. I love you." Everyone awwed and Rachel ran over to give her mother a hug.

Jesse picked up his wine glass, filled with sparkling wine. "I'm thankful for family, food, and a good time. And of course, I'm thankful for Rachel." He held up his glass, "to Rachel."

Everyone else lifted up their glasses, too. "To Rachel," they said.


	13. Something Was Missing

After a very successful Thanksgiving dinner, the whole crew filed into the living room next to the TV, where all of the guys were on one couch babbling about the football game on TV and on the other side all of the girls were fawning over Shelby's video of their show choir performance, specifically Rachel's solo. Artie and Jonathan were hiding out downstairs doing the usual. Rachel was blushing, probably embarrassed at all of the attention.

"So do you want to be on Broadway when you're older just like me and your mom?" April asked her, still holding a glass of wine in her hand (Rachel didn't know what to make of that. She had been around drinkers for most of her life, but she was her mother's sister, and her mother would protect her if something happened.)

"My mom wasn't on Broadway.." Rachel tilted her head in confusion.

"Yes she was..." April said, looking at Shelby, showing the performance to Marley on her phone on the other side of the couch, not hearing their conversation. "She was in Rent, which was originally off Broadway, and then it went onto Broadway. She rehearsed for the opening for five months until she went to Nashville for a convention, met your father."

Rachel didn't know anything about how her parents met. She never found herself thinking about it, even though it was the reason she was alive. Apart from that, she remembered looking Shelby up before, and nowhere had it said she was on Broadway.

"After that I think she decided she didn't want to be on Broadway anymore. She got married, had your brothers. I suppose she always figured she would go back someday when you guys grew up. Then you happened. You were everything to Shelby, but then all that drama happened. Shelby could never stand on a stage again, I think she was too depressed." Rachel nodded, absorbing this new found information she had never known about her mother. Her mom had given up her dream for her brothers, more specifically her. She could have gone back on at anytime, but after her birth, she had killed her mother's dream. It was her fault.

April went back to drinking her wine. Maybe she was too loopy to realize everything she said. Then again, Rachel didn't know her well enough to make a judgement.

A couple hours later, Amy and Artie had left, April had passed out on the couch, and the boys had relocated to the basement for some hardcore Call of Duty, Marley and Rachel found themselves going back upstairs to their shared bedroom. Walking with Marley, who was happily chatting about how good of a singer Rachel was, Rachel's guilt came back up, making her stomach turn into a knot.

The girls walked into the room, Rachel closing the door behind them. "I am so sorry for the way I acted. I just- I'm jealous. You've had my mom and my dad and my brothers your whole entire life. I'm never going to get to do little kids things with them. My mother loved you instead of me!" Rachel kept back from saying her new found information, that her mother had given up Broadway for her.

Marley sat down on the bed. "That is so not true. She only used me to replace you. She couldn't care less about me. I was just your replacement. Now you're here, and the only reason I'm still here is because they feel bad for me,"

"I expected her to come running up here when I threw a temper tantrum and smack me or whip me or at least scold me. Nothing. She just ignored me."

Marley chose her next words carefully, choosing to ignore that whole smack whip scold thing, she didn't want to set Rachel off in any way. "I think she just wanted today to be perfect. For as long as you have been alive, your mother has sulked at every family gathering and holiday because she never had you there with her, and I'm guessing she wanted today to be perfect, for you as well as her. It was the first time you met your family and had a dinner with them. You're going to remember getting mad and then crying at the table about how thankful you were, which ended up fine, but your mother is going to remember your 'fight'."

Shelby took this as the time to burst in. She had heard most of the conversation, not really expecting what she heard from either Marley or Rachel. She would have to talk to Marley later but first, her baby.

"Hey Rach, Marls. Can I talk to Rach alone?" Marley gave Rachel an I-told-you-so look as she walked by Shelby on the way out. Rachel sighed, flopping on the bed. Shelby sat next to the flattened out figure with her arms crossed.

"So.... Wanna talk about your little temper tantrum?"

"Aren't you going to send me away or smack me or something?" Rachel cried.

Shelby was taken aback. "What?"

"Waiting is the worst part. Knowing what is coming, all the pain, I think its worse than the actual pain itself. Just do it."

"Rachel. I'm not going to hit you. I just want to talk to you."

"You're not? But I was bad... I... insulted Marley... and I... yelled at you... I was bad."

"Rachel... those punishments you got before ? Those are illegal. Hitting your children is a sick sick thing to do. I love you more than life itself. I will never never hit you."

"Really?" Rachel still had thoughts of her mother's Broadway dreams floating around in her head, but she was not going to bring that up right now.

"Really. But that does not justify what you did." Rachel rolled her eyes, she could feel a lecture coming. The weird part was knowing there would be nothing severe to follow.

"I understand you've been through a lot honey, and I get that. But you need to be respectful to me and to Tim. And you cannot say things like what you said to Marley. She may not have had the same situation as you, but she certainly isn't walking on water."

The guilt in Rachel exploded and she started sobbing. Shelby took a deep breath, she hated that her baby had gone through so much pain and she couldn't do anything about it except be there. And to Shelby that was not enough.

"I am so sorry Shelby! For everything! I was horrible! For what I said about Marley and my storm out! I understand if you want to get rid of me. I'm not worth it."

Shelby took a deep breath, how many times would she have to tell her that she was in it for the long run."You are so worth it, baby girl."

Rachel scooted close to me and threw her head on top of my chest and one hand under my shirt resting on my stomach. I didn't dare question it, or want to. She needed this contact that she lacked when she was born and throughout her life.

Pretty soon, her breathing evened out and I could tell she was asleep on top of me. I wondered how much sleep she had been getting. It never occurred to me that Rachel would have trouble sleeping. I was so stupid, assuming that she would just feel at home here. 

Marley opened the door twenty minutes later, eyeing us before proceeding to turn back around to go somewhere else. "Marley!" I called after her, and when she turned around I could see that she had let out a couple tears too. "I heard what you said to Rachel. That you were her replacement? That is not true. I knew you way before I got to know Rachel, and that was not because you were left as the default because Rachel was gone. You are my first baby girl and nothing is going to change that..." Marley closed the door behind her, before sliding to the ground and letting out a heart wrenching sob. This couldn't still be about us...

"Marls... what's really wrong?"

"The reason my parents- parent, sent me here was because my dad left! My mom can't take care of me anymore. All of the money she had was put into this flight. She sent me to live with you because she's going off the radar."

"That can't be... Your mom loves you... she wouldn't dump you here if she didn't have a good reason. I'll call her right now." I twisted around, careful to not wake up Rachel and grabbed the phone off of the bedside table before dialing out my sister Millie. Marley was still clumped up in a ball against the door. I motioned for her to come over and she clumped into the side of me that Rachel had not occupied.

"Millie? Hey it's Shelby. I was wondering when Marley is coming home? She told me you didn't buy her a return ticket. I'll buy it for her, I just need to know what day you want her to come back."

"Uhh.." she stuttered and I could hear her readjusting in her chair. "She needs to stay with you for a while. I just can't do it anymore Shelby."

"But Marl-"

"Belongs with you." Millie cut in. "I know this looks really bad Shelby but it hurts me way more than it hurts you. I'm the one losing my daughter."

That made me snap. I took a deep inhale. "I happen to know what its like to lose a daughter. I didn't give mine away like you are." I hung up and threw the phone across the room. This made Marley jump.

"I'm so sorry Marley..."

"It's okay Aunt Shelby." She stood up and opened the door to walk out. I had no idea what to say to her. She probably just needed some time to process the information. I would support her no matter what.

The rest of the Thanksgiving Break blurred. Shelby took Marley and Rachel Black Friday shopping, on Saturday, claiming that whatever was left after the freak shopping would be enough, since they didn't need anything anyways. Shelby just wanted to create new memories; specifically the one of the snow ball fight that had broke out in the front yard with the whole family that Saturday.

"Rachel, I told you if you don't want to come outside you don't have to." Jesse said, throwing a shovel full of snow onto the lawn. Jonathan, James, and Tim were all shoveling, and Shelby and Marley were in the kitchen, making lunch. Rachel just felt weird, she couldn't put her finger on it. She planned on going to join her mother, but she couldn't take her eyes off of the group in the driveway. They were laughing, smiling at each other, like a family. She had always had to shovel the driveway alone, wearing only a sweater because the only jacket she had ever owned was way too small on her. She used to watch the kids across the street attack in a sort of snow throwing war. It was probably very cold, but it seemed nice, more nice than she could ever say.

"Hey Rachel, can you help Marley carry out these cups of hot chocolate and put them in the garage?" Her mother's voice broke her from her thoughts. She got up and turned around to walk into the kitchen. Marley had one cup in each hand, leaving two on the counter.

"Put a jacket on," Her mother chastised. She wondered why her mother wanted her to put on a jacket when she was just going to the garage to put the hot chocolate on the table, but obeyed without question. It was what she grew up doing.

Throwing on one of the jackets she found in the closet (she still felt weird wearing the one her mother had bought her at Costco) she grabbed the two cups and wandered out to the garage. Placing the cups on the table, I turned around to face Marley when I felt someone put their arms on my shoulders. I jumped a little but relaxed when I realized it was Jesse.

"This is war Rachel, I need your help. The guys won't be mad at you if you throw snow at them...." Jesse gave her a nod before walking back to shovel with his shovel in his hand, whistling as he went. He made a motion to Tim, who was shoveling hard, not paying attention to anything going on around them.

Rachel shrugged, wondering where Marley had went. Jesse had asked her a favor, she couldn't not help him. Slowly, she made her way out onto the driveway. She grabbed a piece of snow, rounding into a ball before throwing at Tim's back. She took a deep breath. He didn't move, he just flexed his muscles at the cold contact. Part of Rachel was scared that he was going to hit her, or worse...

Tim turned around, a devilish grin on his face. Rachel's stomach dropped. She was going to be in so much trouble. Tim tilted his head. "I don't know what you're thinking, but that was rude. So rude... it deserves payback." He smiled, lifting the shovel. Rachel froze, watching him as he put snow on the shovel, and whipped the snow in her direction, getting it all over her.

"This is war!!!" Tim declared, and Jesse ran to get Rachel, hiding behind the Suburban. "What are we going to do now?" Rachel whispered quietly. She felt the cold sting of snow, not one but two impacts on her back and turned around to see her mother and Marley standing there.

"Can we join your team?" Her mother grinned. 

Rachel did not want this vacation to end. It was the best week of her life. Marley was staying longer than expected, so she had another girl to hang out with, and she had her family. She had almost forgotten the situation she was in at school, that everybody hated her and wanted to throw cold drinks at her, not like in a snow ball fight, but because they were superior to her.

Walking down the hallway for the first time in four weeks (she had been in the coma for two weeks, hospitalized for one, then it was a couple days before break and there was no point in sending her to school, seeing as she was in no condition to), she felt somewhat okay for once.

Her mother had gotten her assignments from all of her different teachers, including private math lessons (having the math teacher as your mom did have its perks), and Rachel had caught up. She was not worried about her school work as much as she was for what people would say.

Maybe things could be different now. I had a new family, so why couldn't I have a new-

SPLASH.

Never mind. It's a good thing I still left some of my clothes in my locker. Looking around to see that there wasn't anyone still left in the hallway, I walked over to my locker to get the clothes, closed the locker, and turned around to be staring directly at Shelby's chest. 

"Yes?" I questioned, tilting my head. 

"Why didn't you come to me as soon as the kid slushied you?" Woah, flashback to that time when she creeped out on me in the bathroom. No wonder she had such an obsession with me... she thought I was her daughter. Not that I blame her. It was a good call.

"We already had this discussion. I'm used to this. It's not going to stop just because you want it to."

"You seem to forget one tiny detail, they don't call me the ice queen for nothing."

"You shouldn't be the Ice Queen now that you have your daughter back. Maybe now you change how everyone looks at you." I pointed out, shuffling things around in my locker.

"But then no one would fear me and I can't lose my 'mean loud heartless' reputation!" She said in a dramatically exasperated voice. Rachel rolled her eyes and walked to the bathroom with the spare clothes. Her mother would take care of this, whether Rachel liked it or not. 

That is how Shelby ended up in Figgins' office during her planning period.

"I need to speak to you!" Shelby demanded, standing in front of him with her arms crossed. She still didn't understand how he of all people was the principal of this school. "You need to enforce the discipline here. Kids are getting bullied." She said flatly.

"Shelby that is a normal part of childhood. We should not tinker with it. The children need to express themselves." Mr. Figgins declared. Shelby rolled her eyes. If the stupid principal wasn't going to do about it, he would just have to take care of this herself.

Shelby paced down to the lunch room, passing a confused looking Will on the way, who in turn decided to follow her because pissed off Shelby was always a good show.

"So what happened to you Midget?" Santana asked Rachel after her, Lucy, and Brittany had sat down at their lunch table with the rest of the cheerleaders and show choir that could fit at the one table. At first they had been iffy about Rachel, but Santana shrugged them off and told them to leave her alone.

"I went to the hospital, and they removed me from my parents." Rachel wasn't sure what she was supposed to say. Her mother and her hadn't talked about it because they had been busy with worrying about catching up Rachel on her school work.

"Where are you living now?" Lucy said, with a hint of concern in her voice.

"With... Ms. Corcoran." She admitted, feeling defeated. "You can't tell anyone." She mumbled flatly.

"Speaking of she." Santana declared as Ms. Corcoran walked into the lunch room and to the front. Grabbing the microphone, she cleared her throat and waited for heads to turn. Some did, but some didn't. Shelby cleared her throat again, she was not in the mood for this.

"You will all turn and listen to me or you can kiss your passing grades goodbye." That did it, everyone's heads flipped around almost too quickly. Shelby smirked. "Now, it had taken to my attention that students seem to think its funny to throw slushies at other students." Most of the kids were glancing around in a panic, Rachel just stared at her mother with blank eyes, as if to say 'oh my goodness what are you doing right now?' Most of the kids were now sending glares at Rachel. Shelby took a deep breath.

"If I see any slushies, correction, any bullying at all in my hallways, or any hallway for that matter, you will spend the rest of your year in after school detention, with me as your supervisor." Shelby smiled, almost mockingly, before walking away out of the lunchroom.

"I can't believe Ms. Corcoran did that." Lucy was saying after Ms. Corcoran had left and the silence went back to its normal chatter. "It must be strange having her as your mom."

"Nah. She's cool." Rachel shook them off.

Later in glee club, the news had spread, Rachel was living with Ms. Corcoran. They didn't know that she was probably her biological mother, waiting on DNA test results to prove it. Rachel nervously walked up to her mother, who had been chattering with Will. She immediately smiled when she saw her baby, who got a little red.

"I told them." She said flatly. "I think everyone knows now."

"Are you okay with that?" Shelby asked.

"Yeah. I just wanted to tell you." Rachel said. Shelby ran her hand up and down Rachel's arm, not noticing the weird look they were getting from Will. The rest of the group was not giving them a weird look, but just staring at them like they were the ones that felt awkward.

"Yes guys. Rachel is my daughter. Get over it." She said flatly.

"Does that mean Rachel's gonna get all the solos?" Mercedes asked.

"No. No. No. Listen, everything is the same. You still have to work for what you want. There is no special treatment here. For anyone." Shelby would have kept up the blabber if her cell phone hadn't gone off. She was tempted to just ignore the call but then she saw that it was Tim. He wouldn't be calling if it wasn't something important, he would have just left a text.

"Hey. Is everything okay?"

"Shelby! I just got a call from Jonathan's school...."


	14. And I Will Try to Fix You

"We have to go now," Shelby hissed at Rachel after she got off the phone.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, sensing her mother getting on edge but not knowing why.

"It's your brother." She said flatly. "Something happened to him at basketball."

It was then Rachel realized she was talking about Jonathan and not Jesse. James had gone back to college and was not doing any sports currently, while Jonathan was the athlete, more so than Jesse, who was more involved with his music. Rachel had not interacted with Jonathan much, he was either at practice or up in his room doing homework. He didn't seem to have any interest in his sister, and she wanted to get to know her brother, but was too shy to make the first move. Still, he was her brother.

"Is he okay?" Rachel questioned. Shelby grabbed her stuff, nodding to Will, who was telling the kids about their new lesson. It was ridiculous that their first day back, the whole glee club had found out that Rachel was her daughter, she had to yell at the entire student body, and her son was in the hospital. Top that with Marley waiting at home because her mother decided to go off the radar.

What a great first day back.

"They rushed him to the hospital because he twisted his leg the wrong way and fell. And he couldn't get up." Shelby rushed down the hall, yanking her keys out of her bag. Rachel threw her backpack over her shoulders and rushed to keep up with her mother. Her mother threw her stuff in the back seat and jumped into the car. Rachel calmly sat down on the passenger side, even though she was technically underweight, she wanted to be close to her mom, who seemed to be on another planet.

"Shelby, are you okay?" She asked, since her mother's hands were shaking on the steering wheel. Her driving was mostly straight, but she was swerving just a little bit.

Shelby didn't respond. She kept her eyes on the road and didn't even blink. Rachel didn't understand why her mom was so panicky. Jonathan was fine. He was fine wasn't he?

"SHELBY!!!" Rachel shrieked when her mom almost didn't stop the car at a red light. She pressed down hard on the brakes, finally looking over at her daughter, as if remembering that she was there.

"Sorry." She mumbled and turning back to the road.

Rachel had no idea how to handle this. Her mom was clearly upset, but she had no idea how to comfort her. Her 'parents' were never emotional. Ever. She didn't have friends to comfort. The only person she knew how to comfort was herself. And how did she do that? Curling up into a ball in the corner of her room in the dark, singing 'Maybe'.

She had to do something, her mother was about to lose it. Hesitantly, she put her hand on Shelby's, that was shaking nervously on the center console. Her mother's hand was warm, but at the same time clammy. Her mother's hand stopped shaking with the contact and she sniffled, removing her hand from underneath to wrap it around Rachel's. Her one handed driving got a lot less bumpy and a lot smoother.

"Mom?" Rachel mumbled quietly. She felt weird using the word, yet she felt like saying the word would help her mother hear her.

On the other side of the car, Shelby was in her own world. Half of her was worried that Jonathan wouldn't be okay. The other half was worried that this was her fault, she had been so preoccupied with Rachel she never thought of how it would affect her boys.

James was an adult and he could take care of himself, he knew that his mother would be there for him if he ever needed it. Jesse was over the moon he had a little sister, their bond was the closest and he was the one who went behind his parents' back to give her guitar lessons. But Jonathan?

He was the youngest of the three, he was only a year older than Rachel. He went to a different middle school, the one respective to where they lived, but he would still go to McKinley, he was already taking basketball and football there.

Shelby hadn't honestly taken a moment this whole time to ask him how he felt, about anything for that matter. He probably felt that his parents didn't care because they were too busy with Rachel.

"Mom?" She heard from across the car. Her heart skipped a beat. She looked over to Rachel, a sad look spread across her face.

"Sorry baby... What is it?"

"Are you okay?" She asked, a little awkwardly.

"Yeah," she sniffled, "I'm fine." They pulled up into the hospital. Shelby again shuffled quickly, clacking her heels, and Rachel was left to chase after her.

"Jonathan Barnes!!" She screamed at the nurse at the station. The nurse didn't flinch and spun her chair in the other direction. Her eyebrow furrowed. That was not a good move. Now was not a good time to blow up, Shelby realized. She took a deep breath before rolling her shoulders back and clearing her throat. The nurse continued fumbling with the paperwork, pretending to not have heard her. Shelby cleared her voice again, even louder this time. The nurse continued with the paperwork. That's it, she had done it.

"I SAID JONATHAN BARNES, ARE YOU DEAF?" Shelby shrieked. Rachel started slowly backing away, afraid of her mother's anger somehow turning on her, (it always happened like that, didn't it?) until she was slowly intercepted by someone. She looked up and sighed in relief when she found out it was Jesse. She accepted the embrace and let him wrap his arms around her shoulders and the two of them watched as their mother went hysterical. Tim swooped in to save the day, walking Shelby away from the nurse even though she was still cursing quickly to herself.

Jesse looked down at Rachel, "Want to go visit Johnny Boy?"

"Is Mom going to be okay?" Rachel asked, the concern edged in her voice.

"Yeah. C'mon," And the two of them walked down the hospital hall, Rachel's hand clung to Jesse's, even though she turned around to look at her mother several times as they walked down the hall.

Tim knew Shelby was going to break down. It just seemed like things kept getting thrown at her. First, the daughter she believed to be dead was brought back from the dead with her own court case, then her sister throws her niece at her and tells her to keep her, then her son lands himself in the hospital because he tore his ACL running suicides in basketball practice.

"Shelby, you need to calm down." He instructed, his wife realistically on the verge of tears.

"This is my fault. I've been ignoring him lately..." She sobbed, clinging to her husband.

"Honey, Jonathan knows that you have a lot on your plate right now. He knows you love him. The torn ACL was an accident. He just messed up his footing and twisted his knee the wrong way. And he couldn't get up. He won't be playing sports for a while, and hopefully won't need surgery. But he's fine. He is fine Shelby."

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"So what exactly happened?" Marley was keeping Jonathan company. They were pretty close in age, and sometimes you could find Marley challenging Jonathan to some video games.

Jonathan took a deep breath, remembering the days earlier events, even though it was only a couple hours ago, the memories were fuzzed up in his mind, mixed with the burning pain in his leg.

"Because some of you think it's funny that we have lost all of our game, I want ten suicides (AN: It's an exercise where you run the entire court touching down in intervals until you've completed the exercise on both sides of the court. I don't play basketball and never will, but i know it hurts lol..) and then you guys can hit the workout room for lifting," Coach demanded. 

Jonathan rolled his eyes. Maybe this team would win more if they weren't always tired because they had five hours of practice the day before the game. Jonathan loved basketball, he did and he always would. He would fall away from the outside world, just throwing a ball around. It was nice not being on a super competitive team and getting to hang with his friends. And he forgot about all the family drama. His sister was his sister, no matter what, but being at home felt different now. So he would be antisocial and go stay in his room all night, because he didn't know what to say.

Jonathan began to run the suicides along Hudson and Puckerman. They were both cool dudes, even though they were a year younger, they were eventually all going to end up playing for the same high school .

"Hey Barnes," Puckerman said. Jonathan was in his own little world, wondering if his sister liked him or thought he was a snob. "BARNES!!" Puckerman said a little louder, scaring Jonathan out of his thoughts. He was on the line, so that meant he had to bend down and touch it. "BARNES!!" He heard again, and he twisted around to look at the source.

His leg felt weird. His knee felt like it had been ripped into two. His other knee buckled and he fell to the ground. It felt like someone was ripping the inside of his knee apart. He wanted to cry, but he had to man up.

"Very funny Barnes, get up!" Coach hissed.

The pain was unbearable, it was like someone shoved his knee all the way around. "I can't move my leg," Jonathan declared, almost on the verge of tears.. 

Jonathan looked up at Marley then back at his leg, propped up. He felt a little scared every time he thought back to himself because it had only been a couple hours before, but hopefully that feeling would go away sometime soon, he hoped.

"Ouch," Marley mumbled.

"Yeah." Jonathan replied.

"How does it feel now?" She asked, motioning to the leg propped on in a particular way to not damage it any further before testing.

"Numb. The painkillers are working, I don't know how long I can sit around in this bed. I'm going to get bored," Jonathan sighed, mainly because there were no TVs where he could play video games, and there was no way he would be playing any actual sports for a long time.

"How often do you ever play your guitar?"

"I do, just when I'm in the mood. I feel like that's kind of my brother's thing, and my dad's thing. I don't want to be just like them, you know. Sports were my way to do that. Jesse's good at sports, I'll give him that, but his passion is with his guitar."

"I wouldn't consider myself an expert on how to play the guitar like a hard core cowgirl, but Uncle Tim taught me enough to write chords for my... songs..." She mumbled off.

"Wait, you write music?" Jonathan questioned. "My brother can't do that for the life of him!"

"I just, I don't know. I feel like John Lennon was right, about imagining a world where there is no prejudice. I get that the whole perfect society thing doesn't work, but I do like the idea of people not hating on poverty level people... It's stupid really."

"I want to hear it.... someday..."

"I am not singing to you in this hospital. The smell is stinging my nose..." Marley declared.

"What is it with this family and singing with guitars in hospitals?" Jesse asked, only hearing the part of their conversation about singing in hospitals. The two of them blushed as if caught doing something wrong, even though they were just cousins. Him and Rachel had strolled around looking for a vending machine, and had come back with enough candy for Jonathan to eat his way off the hospital bed. Jesse had to tell Rachel at least ten times that their mother was going to be okay. Jesse smiled and dumped the candy onto the bed next to him. Jonathan eagerly looked around before picking up a Twix and unwrapping it.

"Hey bro, how is the knee?" Jesse asked. Rachel awkwardly hovered behind him. She still didn't know how to act or what to say around these people. She wanted to do the right thing, because she didn't want to give them any idea that she was not worthy of living with them. Anything is replaceable. And anything you don't like, you can get rid of.

"Okay, I guess. They're going to give me an x-ray to see if I need to have surgery. No more ball of any kind for at least six months, with physical therapy."

"Well, at least now you have time to put in extra effort on Call of Duty."

"Yeah. That's a good thing I guess," He laughed. He looked at his sister, awkwardly hiding behind Jesse. Was he supposed to start a conversation with her? Or was she supposed to? He was the one lying in the bed. Although he'd give her credit, he hadn't said much when the roles were flipped.

Suddenly Rachel spoke up, not sure where this random burst of confidence came from. "Are you okay? I'm sorry about your leg." She said, still nervous, tapping her foot while looking at it.

"Yeah. I'm okay. Thanks for coming to see me." He replied, not sure where to head with this conversation. He had never actually held a conversation one on one with her before, they didn't know anything about each other.

"So... you play video games?" He started.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Tim I don't understand why we are walking around this hospital in circles. I need to see Jonathan!" She growled angrily as her husband pulled her by the hand around the building.

"Shelby you're too stressed right now and it's not even about his condition. It's because you're feeling like you failed him as his mother because you were distracted by other things. You're practically the mother of five and on top of that you're trying to balance glee club, your teaching, the court case, and still debating that phone call. I know you're thinking about it even though you haven't brought it up."

Shelby swallowed. She had been thinking about that recently, even though she hadn't even discussed it with any of her kids yet. Finally Tim pulled Shelby into a dark room and flipped the light on. Just what Shelby needed, a storage room full of old boxes.

"Are we even allowed to be in here?" Shelby asked, looking at shelf upon shelf of boxes. She wasn't exactly sure what she was looking for, or at for that matter.

Tim smiled. "I'm a lawyer, besides, this hospital's archives were relevant to my case." He looked at the different boxes, wandering down the aisle while Shelby stood confused with her arms crossed. She still didn't see how this was relevant to Jonathan, her child, the one sitting in a hospital bed because he tore his ACL.

"Aha!" He said, pulling out a box. "Exhibit A." He handed her a file, and with an eye roll she opened the file to see a birth certificate and a photo. Without looking at the certificate she knew it was her first baby, James. 

Shelby still didn't get it. Where was he going with this?

"Exhibit B," He handed her another file. This time it was Jesse's newborn photo and birth certificate. Okay, Tim might not remember who his kids were, but Shelby certainly remembered each of them causing her backaches and pain for nine months a piece.

"Exhibit C," A picture of Jonathan. Looking at all of these pictures was making her a little teary eyed. All of her babies were grown up. Is that where Tim was going with this? That Shelby needed to toughen up and let her babies go?

"Unfortunately, there is no birth certificate for our fourth baby, I believe her name was Juliette Elizabeth? Well, she died before there was a chance to take a picture of her or make her a birth certificate."

Shelby took a deep breath. Now she was just plain sad.

"However, Ms. Rachel Berry was born on the same day, to a Sue Sylvester and Leroy Berry." Tim handed her the last file and she opened it. There she was, her baby girl. The one she never got to hold because she was rushed away and presumed dead. She had never actually seen her baby when she was born. She had a full head of dark hair and eyes that were the biggest and brownest she had ever seen. And maybe it was just Shelby's imagination, but Rachel seemed sad in the photo. Maybe she already knew she would never get to be with her mother again.

"This is what you're fighting for. Remember that." Tim declared. "And there's another thing. Sue Sylvester was written down as the mother, but she never stayed in this hospital on Rachel's birthday, even though it says she did."

"How do you know that?"

"I am not supposed to be on this case, for emotional and personal reasons, but our lawyer, my co-worker Aaron, he's been showing me everything he has found on the Berrys. And Sue Sylvester was at the National Cheer conference that weekend, in California. She wasn't in any hospital."

"Is that it? Your case?"

"I also know that one of the nurses that was on duty quit later that month and never returned to this hospital again. Leroy Berry works here, he clearly has some influence."

"Wait, he's here now? Rachel!"

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"No wonder you're in your room all the time, this is addicting!" Rachel sat next to Jonathan on the bed, him showing her the game that is Clash of Clans on his iPad, mainly cause he couldn't go hardcore without his Playstation around.

Marley and Jesse were sitting in the chairs, babbling about who they thought was a better country star, Faith Hill or Trisha Yearwood, and didn't notice the man walk in. Rachel was the first one to notice him, and she quickly shrunk into Jonathan. She didn't want her family to see him hurt her like she knew he would.

Jesse noticed the man staring at Rachel, and was quick to jump up and stand right in front of the man, to block him. He didn't need a confirmation, he just knew.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

"I'm here to check the boy's foot," the man declared.

"No you're not." Jesse said, hoping his mother and father would show up soon because he didn't know how long he could keep this up and he didn't know how psycho the guy was.

"I'm sorry, do you question the doctor's authority?"

"Yeah I do. I haven't seen you around. And I won't let you touch my siblings, ANY of them."

Leroy was ready to give Jesse a blow to the face when he suddenly heard the blare of security behind them. He slowly put his arms up and rolled his eyes. The bitch had gotten her in trouble again. They couldn't convict him yet, but they could supposedly take him out of the hospital because he had broken a restraining order.

Rachel remained curled into Jonathan even after the security had left. She had never been this close to her brother before, even though they were so close in age, Jonathan was tall, taller than Jesse, and he was the best protector. She felt safe with him, as if she was close to him as she was with Jesse. She liked the warm feeling a lot.

Shelby and Tim ran in, seconds later after they had talked to security. Shelby was still clutching all of the folders in her hands, for some reason she couldn't find it in her to let them go. She immediately ran to Rachel, hiding in Jonathan, which was new because she was generally attached to Jesse.

"Rachel, baby it's me." Rachel slowly turned around, the area around her eyes red. She held her arms out, and her baby jumped up from her brother to throw herself at her mother.

"Please don't leave me." She whispered into her mother's ear.

"Never." She said, though looking at Jonathan with a tilted head. Was he really okay? Was he mad because she wasn't giving him attention anymore?

Jonathan nodded. He understood.

"While we're all here, I'd like to offer you this envelope. I thought we should open it together. As a family." Tim said, pulling an envelope out of his jacket pocket and handing it to Shelby. With Rachel latched onto her side, she opened the envelope, pulling out a typed letter.

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Barnes, according to the test performed on December 3rd..." Shelby stopped, taking a shaky breath. Rachel couldn't read the letter, her mother was holding above her head on purpose. She started crying again and Rachel began to worry if she was going to have to do the whole comforting thing again. She wasn't good with these things!!

"Rachel..." Shelby smiled. "Rachel is my daughter."


	15. NYC: Too Busy Too Crazy

"Hello?" Shelby Corcoran's voice boomed on her classroom telephone line. She didn't recognize the number and it certainly wasn't local. She was sitting at her desk alone during a planning period, looking at arrangements for glee.

"Hey Shelby!!" The man's voice rang. She knew that voice, she just couldn't put her finger on it. "It's me, Michael Greif!" Shelby sat back on her chair, a bit surprised as to why she had received a call from him. It had been 20 years since....

"This is a surprise." She started, not sure what to say. "How did you get this number?"

"It's not hard Shelby. I know you must be surprised that I called you. Rent is being revived for its 20 year anniversary and I was hoping you would be willing to reprise your role as Maureen."

"But... I wasn't even on the Original Broadway Cast! I resigned before that..."

"You went to Nashville to advertise for the show, in addition to a bunch of other cities across the country. After you left, all we ever heard was, where is the flashy brunette? People remembered you from the Off Broadway days. And they still do."

Shelby grunted under her breath. "I have a job, and five kids..."

"This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you to get back on the stage. I'd only need you to stay in New York for six months."

Six months!!! He said that like it was nothing! Six months of show choir coaching, six months of teaching, and another six months of Rachel's life to be missed.

"No." Shelby said flatly. "I don't want to do it."

"How about I give you two weeks to decide and call you back? You might see something that changes your mind."

Shelby gritted her teeth."I seriously doubt that."

Shelby would not dare complain about all of the family time that went on after Jonathan was in the hospital. Jonathan was forced to spend his days on a couch with the only things to comfort him being his PlayStation controller and a TV remote. No one had any doubt that Jonathan wasn't perfectly content getting to play Call of Duty all day.

Rachel was blissfully happy getting to show Marley every movie-musical that was ever invented, which wasn't a problem because Shelby had most of them sitting on one shelf, the one right on top of the Disney movies. Marley, on the other hand, was absorbing Rachel into the nasty addiction that is binge watching TV shows on Netflix. She started with Once Upon A Time and eventually made her way to Gilmore Girls within a three week time span. Her next binge was going to be Friends, because that who she was named for, and she was honestly a bit curious as to the character her father based her name off of.

"You're such a turd!!" Jonathan growled, angrily flipping his controller around.

"Shut up Johnny Boy!!!" Jesse screamed back from the opposite couch.

Marley and Rachel looked at each other, shrugged, and looked back at the TV. Yes, they were all playing that game. The game that ended so many friendships.... MarioKart. Jesse and James were fighting for first on Rainbow Road, and Marley and Rachel were battling to see who would get last and second to last.

"And that would be the fifth time I fell off the stupid track!!" Marley grunted.

Rachel smiled as she now had an advantage, as long as she didn't... never mind.

"It's a good thing they don't make you play this game to get your driver's license, otherwise I would never pass." Jonathan admitted.

"Even if you could play the level, I wouldn't want you driving in the same state as me!!" Jesse argued, the two of them neck and neck for first place. Marley and Rachel gave up and started driving in the opposite direction.

"Yes!!! I WON!!!" Jesse stood up, doing a little mock dance. Jonathan grunted, throwing the remote at a wall.

"It's a good thing we weren't involved." Rachel whispered to Marley, who nodded.

"Children!! We're home!! We come bearing pizza!" Shelby declared, and the three kids that could move got up and ran over to the adults, hungry from all of their hard work playing Coconut Mall.

After everyone was situated with pizza and drinks on the couch, Shelby cleared her throat. "We have something we want to discuss with you guys."

Rachel's heart skipped a beat. She never liked what happened after those words were said.

"I got offered a job to reprise the role of Maureen in Rent." Rachel's thoughts immediately jumped to her conversation with her Aunt April, who was probably drunk when she told Rachel that her mother was a Broadway star.

"Wait, you were on Broadway?" Jesse asked. They never told any of the kids, Rachel realized.

"I resigned before the opening." Shelby admitted sheepishly. "I met your father and I decided I didn't want to be on Broadway and that I wanted to settle down and have kids... a house.... a dog."

"But they're offering you the role?" Jonathan questioned.

"Yes. I don't know why. But it would be six months away in New York. I don't want to do it, but your father said that I should tell you guys."

"Of course you should do it!!" Jesse squealed.

"I don't care, if that's what makes you happy, then do it." Jonathan said, taking a bite out of his pizza.

"I wouldn't mind. Broadway is a once in a lifetime thing that only some people are lucky enough to get." Marley reasoned. Everyone turned to look at Rachel, slowly picking off pieces of her pizza to eat.

She didn't like being stared at by them. She also didn't like being put on the spot like this. "Uhhh..." she mumbled, not too fond of the look her mother was giving her, like she wanted her to say that she didn't want her to leave. But she couldn't let her mom give up her dream for her again. She ruined her life when she was born and got taken away.

"You..." Rachel had to force her voice because the sound just wouldn't come out. "You should go. I mean, it's Broadway. We both know how important Broadway is."

"Rachel... we would never see each other while I was up there."

Part of Rachel wanted to tell her mother that it wouldn't make a difference, seeing as she had spent the first eleven years of her life without her mother while the other half wanted to latch onto her mother's leg and not let her go. "It's your dream, I can't be the one in the way of your dream."

"You're right, Broadway was my dream. But it took having four amazing kids to realize that that wasn't my dream. My dream was to see my four kids grow up and have a good life."

"You could have gone back anytime after Jonathan was born, but because of me and the pain I caused you, you didn't. It's my fault." Rachel felt like she had said the words 'it's my fault' way too many times. But it was her fault. It was always her fault.

"Rachel, that's not true."

Rachel was practically shouting now, "If I hadn't been kidnapped you wouldn't have lost your muse!! IT'S MY FAULT STOP SAYING THAT IT'S NOT!!!"

Shelby shot a look at Tim. She had the feeling something like this would happen. Rachel was attached to her. Shelby had no problem with that but she knew that a part of her daughter would always be afraid that her family, especially her, were going to leave her. She needed to get her daughter started on that therapy.

"Rachel, come here." Shelby ushered flatly and let her daughter throw herself on top of her lap. She had to keep her emotions in check, otherwise she would start crying. Her daughter blamed herself for everything and always kept it inside. And while Shelby knew it was not her fault that her baby was ripped away from her, sometimes it felt like it was.

"I don't know how many times I'm going to have to tell you this, but believe me, I will tell you as many times as you need it to to sink in. I am not going to leave you. You and your brothers and Marley are my dream. Broadway is just a job. A great job, sure. But that would never be enough to replace the five of you. I'm not going to take the job."

"But you have to!" Rachel cried, "It's Broadway!"

"Can't you just take Rachel with you?" Marley spoke up from her corner, probably feeling really out of place since this was all about her aunt and uncle and their kids. She would never fit into that equation.

Shelby mentally rolled her eyes. She didn't want to leave home! Her family was here! Her job was here!

What she hated was the part of her that wanted to go. She missed being on a stage and singing her heart out. Singing in a little restaurant with her husband playing the guitar was her way to sometimes get her stage time even if it was in front of only two people.

Should she just take Rachel? What about Tim? Rachel and him were never going to get to bond like a father and daughter should. Shelby looked up at Tim, wanting some sort of parenting advice.

Tim just nodded. What help!

"I don't know. I just don't know."

Shelby spent the next few days wondering what she should do about the situation at hand. It was ripping her apart going between her two options and yet she knew she would eventually have to come to a decision.

It was a couple days later when Shelby again found herself getting a call from Mr. Michael Greif, who was eager to know her decision.

"Well, are you in?" He asked.

"I don't know. I just have family stuff going on, and... I don't want to leave my kids..."

"Shelby I won't hang up the phone until you agree..."

"I can block your number!!! And I will block it!!" Shelby growled, getting really tempted to hang up on him.

"Look, all I'm asking is that you come out here for the week to meet the company and catch up with the cast. And if you don't feel the vibes, you can go back home. Or we could work out a schedule so you could see your family more often."

"Fine," Shelby grumbled. If she got him to stop calling then maybe...

"Oh and by the way, I don't think it would be a good idea to hang up and never call me again. I do have authority, you know."

"What kind of authority?"

"I can make sure your little show choir keeps getting funded.."

"Are you really trying to blackmail me?"

"Yep." He said a little too happily. Shelby rolled her eyes.

"Fine."

"Thanks!!! I will send you all of your travel accommodations in the mail later."

"You do that." Shelby said, slamming the classroom phone back on its dock. She rubbed her temples, leaning against the desk. What was she going to do about the show choir? She couldn't leave Will with the kids, they would be wrapping to Ice Ice Baby and singing Journey songs until they were sure that they wouldn't stop believing. And what about Rachel? Shelby knew she couldn't let her miss any more school. She didn't want to leave her daughter behind, she was the most concerning of the five of them. Rachel was still unstable. Her therapist and her were certainly not getting along.

But the part that bothered Shelby the most was that she was overjoyed that she would get a chance to be on the stage again. So much crap had been going on lately that she really missed just being on the stage.

"Hey Shelby, did you finish the arrangements?" Will said walking in.

"No, I, uh, got distracted." Shelby said, spinning her chair around to look at the sheet music she had abandoned earlier.

"Distracted? By what? What's wrong?" He said, the concern clear in his voice.

"I got offered a job in New York." Shelby declared, knowing there was no point in hiding it.

"And..."

"And I took it."

"What about the show choir? And teaching? And Rachel? Is that really a good idea?"

"I only agreed to check it out. That doesn't mean I'll be staying."

"What kind of job is this, exactly?"

"Broadway..." Shelby mumbled under her breath.

"SHELBY!! THAT'S GREAT!!!" He said, reaching over to give her a hug. "Of course I can't blame you for taking the job. That is a once in a lifetime opportunity."

"I know. I just don't know how Rachel will take it. And who will help you run the show choir if I leave? You seem awfully happy about me going away,"

"I think I know the person."

"Who?"

"Holly Holliday."

"Holly Holliday, as in science teacher that I have known for ten years and never heard sing Holly Holiday?"

"She's not bad." Will said defensively.

"How would you know?" Shelby retorted, putting her hands on her hips. Will blushed and looked away. "Oh my god, did the two of you...? I thought you were crushing on Emma..."

"I asked her to marry me... but she said she didn't want that kind of commitment so she turned me down."

"How long ago was this?" Shelby demanded, a little upset that she had never know that her best friend had had a fling with one of her coworkers that she had known for as long as she could remember working there.

"Maybe four or five years ago. We're still friends now and I think she would be perfect for the job."

"I guess. I get to tell everyone though, not you, okay?"

"Yeah." Will shrugged.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So Ms. Corcoran has an announcement for you guys." Will said later that day when everyone made their way to the choir room. Rachel looked extremely confused, Shelby hadn't gotten a chance to tell her before then and she wasn't really sure how Rachel was going to take it. She felt horrible, not having a choice in this matter. 

"I'm going away and Ms. Holliday is going to be covering for me."

"Are you going on a vacation somewhere?" One person asked.

"Are you dying of cancer?" Another person asked.

"Are you pregnant?" Puck asked, smirking from the corner at the thought of sex.

"No. I got offered a job and I have to go meet the people and decide if I want to take it."

"What kind of job?" Lucy asked, sitting against the mirror with Rachel next to her. Rachel didn't look too surprised, she had known about her mother's doubts before any of these people. She just didn't expect it to be soon.

Shelby hesitated. Should she tell everyone about this new job of hers? Maybe they'd say mean things about her. She was the Ice Queen after all, and she expected her whole life to be passed around in rumors around the school, followed by laughs.

"My mom's gonna be on Broadway," Rachel admitted quietly but proudly from her corner. Lucy looked at her, shocked. Everyone looked at Shelby shocked as if they didn't believe it. Their mean old math teacher was a famous star. And above all, it was the teacher that no one liked. 

"It's just me going to see if I like it. I don't know if I'm going to take the job. I don't want to be away from all of you for so long. Believe it or not, I like you guys a lot. You're all my children too, whether you like it or not." Shelby said, not sure when this had gotten so emotional.

"Ms. Corcoran, you have to come back!! We need you!!" Mercedes squealed from the other side of the room. "You're the best coach ever!! There is no way we'll win without you..."

"Yeah, Mr. Schue is going to make us sing to Journey songs and rap all the time, at least you pick good music!" Santana reasoned. Shelby felt honored that for once Santana hadn't made a nasty remark about it and almost complimented her.

And somehow the whole glee club surrounded Shelby in a group hug.

Shelby wouldn't lie.

It was probably one of the best moments of her life.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Have you got everything?" Tim asked, helping Shelby put her suitcase into the trunk of the Suburban.

"Yeah. I'm only going for a week. And I am coming back." Shelby repeated for what seemed like the thousandth time. She only agreed to go because the stupid director was going to give her show choir trouble with funding. It wouldn't be the first time the district had tried to cut them dry. 

Because the group was technically a McKinley junior group, Sue Sylvester thought she could suck all of the money out of it. The fact that she was still standing after what she had done to Rachel made Shelby want to stab her. She needed to make sure the money still flowed in. She couldn't let these kids lose their show choir. 

"Bye mom." Jesse gave his mom a hug before going inside. Jonathan was still forbidden to the couch, but he had made sure to get a hug from his mom too.

"Shelby, stop telling yourself and everyone else that you're going to run back here. This is good for you. You love the stage. Take this time and get it back. Rachel and everything will be fine. You'll fly in for our court date in two weeks and Rachel will officially be ours again. And while you're gone, I will try to get to know her better." Tim reasoned.

"When did you get so smart?" Shelby asked with a smile on her face.

"I think it started when I married you," Tim smirked, giving Shelby a peck on the lips.

"Can we come with to the airport?" Rachel and Marley asked, standing in the garage. Rachel clutched a stuffed animal that Shelby hadn't seen in years between her arms. Shelby didn't even have to stop to think of the bear's name: Rocky. He was Jesse's when Tim decided to show Jesse Sylvester Stallone when he was four. After that it was the eye of the tiger everything. Jesse must have given her the bear. That brought a smile to Shelby's face. On the other side, Marley stood with her arms crossed, trying to look cool.

"Of course. We can even go get lunch after." Tim said happily, jumping into the driver's seat.

During the drive to the airport, Rachel was trying to keep calm. This would be the first time that she would be away from her mother since she found her. Sure she wasn't attached at the hip but her mom was always at school with her and always down the hall during the night. She never got much sleep while she was in the house but she certainly wouldn't be getting any now that her mother would be gone.

Her mother wanted this. Rachel could not take that away from her. She couldn't be any more of a burden than she already was. If she started crying that she didn't want her mommy to leave her, then her mom would stay, and always think of the missed opportunity her daughter caused her to lose.

When the four of them got to the airport, Tim helped Shelby get her rather large suitcase out of the trunk. The girls got out of the car and watched as Shelby pulled out her ticket and the handle to her suitcase.

Tim and Shelby hugged, getting the messages the two were sending each other without saying anything, then Shelby bent down to give Marley a hug. Marley wasn't particularly happy with the fact that her aunt was leaving, but she wasn't upset over it either.

"Bye Aunt Shelby. Bring me a souvenir. Or two." She said, smiling.

"Take care of Rachel for me, will you?" Shelby whispered into Marley's ear.

"Of course I will. That's what I'm here for."

"Oh please. You're so going to suck the spotlight away from my child next week aren't you?"

"Maybe." She said giggling and released the hug.

Shelby looked over at Rachel. "Missy, get over here or I'm going to miss my flight."

Rachel threw herself at her mother, probably too hardly. "Don't forget about me." She said a little too sadly.

"I'm going to call you as soon as I land. If you need me, call me and I will be on the next flight home. I'm sorry I have to leave you. But you are way more important than Broadway will ever be. Do you understand that?"

Rachel nodded. She couldn't say anything because she knew that if she did she would start crying.

"I love you more than anything in this world baby girl."

All flights to New York now boarding

"I have to go. I'll call you as soon as I land." Shelby said before rushing into the flood of people walking through the airport. She felt sick to her stomach leaving her child standing there, and she knew that if she didn't move she wouldn't ever.

"She's gone." Marley sighed.


	16. Strangers in The Night

Rachel stood watching the people flow towards the airport gates for what seemed like hours.

"Well... where should we go for lunch?" Tim asked, clearly getting the fact that Rachel was frozen staring at where Shelby had disappeared into the flood of people, but not really sure what to do.

"Ooh Rachel let's go to Naf Naf!! They have falafel!!" Marley squealed excitedly. She had had it once before when she was with her only friend whose parents basically guilted her into letting them pay for her. She later found out that it was because they wanted to break the news to her that they were moving across the country and Marley would be friendless.

She hadn't seen Kitty in forever. Marley had her phone number, but she couldn't afford to spend her parent's phone minutes. And she didn't know what to say. Part of Marley always felt like Kitty just felt bad for her and didn't actually want to be her friend.

Regardless, she would always cherish the memory of sitting across from Kitty in Naf Naf and having one of the best days of her life.

Rachel on the other hand was trying to keep calm. There were so many people going in and out of that airport and she felt like any one of them could quickly grab her and run. She wanted Tim to hold her hand but didn't really know how to ask.

She knew he was her father but she really didn't know how to talk to him. She wanted him to like her more than anything. She wasn't really a big fan of men but her mother was married to him. She couldn't be married to someone she didn't trust, could she?"

"Rachel!" Tim screamed. Rachel jumped.

"Sorry for scaring you. You were spacing out, weren't you?"

"Yeah sorry." Rachel mumbled quietly. "I won't do it again I promise."

"There's nothing wrong with spacing out. It's awesome. You can make up little stories when you're bored at work, or in your case, school. The teacher could be talking about Ancient Greece or something, and you can picture a Spartan taking down your teacher." Tim chuckled, hoping he could get her to laugh.

"Did you just say you wanted my social studies teacher to get killed by a Spartan?" Rachel questioned, not really knowing what had just happened.

"Sorry. I was just trying to lighten the mood. Do you want Naf Naf or something else?"

"Naf Naf is fine I guess." Rachel said, not liking how the two of them were giving her so much attention. Her mother had it drilled in her head that attention was not bad, but getting it from Marley and Tim was making her nervous, like they were about to burn her or something.

"Are you sure? We can go through the drive thru at McDonald's and get you a hamburger and french fries if you want."

"I'm Vegan." Rachel mumbled quietly, immediately regretting it. What if he thought she was more of a burden than she already was because he had to go out of the way to buy her food?

"Oh," was all Tim could say. He felt really bad, knowing that he didn't even know his own daughter was vegan. He really wanted to get to know her, but he knew she didn't trust him. And he would forever want to murder the people who had ripped the trust and childhood away from that little girl, his little girl.

"Naf Naf has vegetarian stuff." Marley chirped in, oblivious to what was going on between the two. She knew her cousin had problems, but so did she, so why couldn't she pretend that Rachel was fine? She would be someday.

"Okay let's go to Naf Naf," Tim declared, knowing a decision would not be made. "If there's nothing you want, we can go pick something up from wherever you want." And he ushered the two of them into the car.

"So since Aunt Shelby is gone, can we watch movies all night? Uncle Tim can we have a MarioKart war?" Marley asked, eagerly ready to bond with her uncle. Rachel remained quiet, picking her fingers off. She couldn't breathe, she felt sick. She needed her mom.

When they parked in the lot of Naf Naf, Marley jumped out of the car excitedly, and Tim and Rachel both took their time, not in the mood for food.

"C'mon slowpokes! Let's go!"

Once the three of them got situated, Marley eagerly began to eat, and Tim and Rachel both picked at their food. The two of them didn't realize how the other one looked out into the distance the same way, thinking about the exact same thing.

For Tim, his thoughts came in lyrics of a song. It was a country songwriter's thing, to see the world in verses and choruses. He wanted to write a song for his little girl but for once he had absolutely no idea how to start.

In Rachel's mind, she was still stressing over the fact that she had to be with Marley and Tim. She liked them, she really did, but... she needed her mom. Her mom was the person she knew she could trust. She saved her from them. But now she was gone... she left Rachel.

Maybe her mother took the job in New York because she felt pity for that ugly thing she had to call her daughter. She probably wanted something nicer than the trash she inherited because the people who kidnapped her thought she was trash too.

Rachel didn't realize she had started hyperventilating until she felt Tim grab her arm. She jumped, letting out a scream before curling into a ball.

Tim jumped back, rattled from this random outburst. He had no idea what triggered this, except that Shelby was gone.

Oh yeah, that must have been it.

"Hey... Rachel..." Tim whispered, hovering his hand above her shoulder, not sure whether or not he should try to comfort her.

"Don't touch me!!!" Rachel screamed again, and everyone in the restaurant turned around to stare at her. Marley had no idea what was going on but looked at Rachel glaringly, hinting at her to stop because the people were staring.

"I SAID DON'T TOUCH ME!!" Rachel said, clearly no longer in the same state of mind as everyone else in the room.

A three year old Rachel stood in the middle of the bar, clueless to what was going on. The music was way too loud, the people were way too tall, and Rachel's mommy and daddy were off drinking the smelly drinks. Rachel had the feeling this place was only for grown ups, but Rachel did not like the idea of being locked in that trunk for so long. Luckily her mommy hadn't slammed it all the way so she was able to get out. She felt even more scared now. Her mommy and daddy were going to be mad at her and punish her for leaving the car, but she was lost and had no idea what to do.

So that is how she found herself standing in the middle of the loud smelly place, crying her head off. She knew that wasn't a good move, but she couldn't help it.

Immediately people started looking down at her, smiling. They all looked at each other before slowly trapping her in the middle of their circle.

"Hi little girl," A big man bent down to her level. He smelled a lot like the bad smelly drink. "This is no place for a little girl like you. Let's go to my house. We can play." He smiled, touching her in the place. Rachel backed up until she ran into the other people in the circle.

"Don't touch me! Please!" Rachel cried.

"Brat!" Her mommy suddenly appeared out of nowhere. She too smelled like the drink. "What're you doing in here? Leroy come deal with this!"

Her daddy then came over, a glass in his hand. He looked a lot more... tired? "I'll take care of this."

Her daddy picked her up roughly. She kept crying until he gave her a hard squeeze and told her to stop or he would get the duck tape. She quickly slowed down, she didn't want to not be able to breathe.

He took her outside over his shoulder. He threw her into the trunk of the car. He stared down at her with a sad look, like he regretted having to deal with her. Why did he even have a daughter?

After staring at her for about thirty seconds he picked up the duck tape and ripped a piece off. Immediately Rachel panicked, but she knew she couldn't do anything about it. He put it everywhere, around her ankles, around her wrists and on her mouth. He stepped back and slammed the trunk.

It would be a week before someone took her out, only because the neighbors were getting suspicious as to why the little girl hadn't been outside, entertaining herself with nothing but the grass on the ground.

Rachel snapped out of her flashback. Everyone was staring at her with concern. She felt the air around her getting thick. She had to get out of there fast.

Jumping up, she sprinted out the door of the restaurant, surprising both Tim and Marley.

Rachel ran and ran, not really knowing where she she was going, she had only gone to the mall with her mother a couple times, before that she never frequented the mall.

Tim tried to follow her, following her out the door into the parking lot, but by that time, the little brunette's body had disappeared. Tim panicked. He didn't know Rachel at all, where she would go, what she would do...

How she dealt with pain

Just then, Tim's phone rang in his pocket. He pulled it out, ready to decline if it was a work call. When he saw that it was Shelby, he panicked even more. He knew she would freak out and come running if he told her what happened, and he couldn't not answer or lie. He was a quiet person, sure, but it was easy to read him when he was nervous.

"Hey Shell..." Tim chuckled nervously.

"Hey. How's Rachel?"

Tim felt his face get hot. "Uhhh..."

"Tim." He could hear Shelby's voice dip. "What's wrong?"

"She kind of ran off." He muttered quickly.

"I'm coming home next available flight." Shelby countered.

"No! Shelby she's my daughter too! And I am going to get it in her head that I love her as much as you do!" Tim grumbled, ending the call and jumping into the car, where Marley quietly sat in the passengers seat.

Tim took a deep breath. "Do you know where she would have went?"

"Yeah. I think I should go home." Marley whispered, trying not to cry. Her cousin clearly didn't trust her at all. And that hurt her.

"This isn't your fault at all. She just has more pain in her head than anyone of us know. She does love you."

"I still want to go home. I'll hang out with Jesse."

Tim sighed. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

The two of them drove home in silence, pretending the other one was not there.

"I would check the park," She said when she got out of the car and ran into the house.

Tim drove to the park. His stomach had been in a knot this whole time, but now it was even more. He had no idea what he was going to say if she didn't run off before he got the chance.

Rachel was tired. She ran from the mall all the way to the park on the other side of their neighborhood. And she felt horrible. Her father was probably furious at the way she acted and at the fact that she ran off. All she knew was that she couldn't risk getting thrown in a trunk, left to rot again.

Tim found Rachel curled up in a ball hiding underneath the slide. She was shivering, it was early December and she only had a shirt on. Tim shrugged off his jacket and put it over her shoulders. She jumped and looked back at him terrified.

He casually sat down across from her.

"Hello." He stated calmly.

"Hi," came the weary response.

"Are you hungry? I picked up some vegan salad for you." He said handing her the bag. She took it slowly, watching him curiously, wondering when he was going to make his move.

"You know, I never met my father. He left my mom when he found out she was pregnant. Didn't want to deal with it I guess. When I was a kid, I used to dream that his would come through our apartment front door and take me on a fishing trip with him. And we would bring home big fish and eat it with my mom."

"Did you ever meet your father?"

"No. Eventually I realized that he was never coming back. I probably could find the records if I wanted to now, but I'm afraid to know the truth."

"It was weird. When I was little I always wanted my mom but never a father. Maybe it's because I saw the way my mother reacted to him. He was incapable of showing love to anyone. I don't know what it's like to have a father."

"You do have a father. It's always been me. And you know what? I always wanted a little girl. I think it was because after having three boys I realized that something was missing, each day I got through, that something was someone, but who?"

The smile on Rachel's face was so bright then Tim thought she might blind him. "You like musicals too?" She squealed happily.

Who could that someone be? 

How could she make it known? 

Who would need me for me?   
Need me for me alone?   
he world was my oyster --   
But where was the pearl?   
Who dreamed I could find it   
Yes something was missing --   
But dreams can come true   
That something   
Is no one  
But you 

Tim held out his hand to Rachel to help her get up. She slowly pulled his jacket around her to keep warm before accepting Tim's hand. The two of them danced around the empty park, embracing the fresh air that embodied them and only them. Tim felt Rachel let down her walls a little, just enough to let him in.

Rachel looked up at her dad and for once she felt protected, that he could hold her in his arms and protect her and keep her warm. That was something she only felt when she was with her mom, or with Jesse, Jonathan was getting better. Now she could experience with her dad too. That feeling of being safe, something that Rachel had dreamed for her whole life, was slowly being given to her by everyone that she loved, and she could assume loved her back.

Who would need me for me ?  
Need me for me alone   
The world was my oyster   
But where was the pearl ?  
Who'd dream I would find it   
In one little girl ?  
Yes, something was missing   
But dreams do come true   
That something is no one.....but you. 

"I love you Daddy Warbucks!!" Rachel grinned.

"I love you too squirt, but I'm not Daddy Warbucks. I have some hair left still!" Tim defended, the smile on his face still evident.

"Fine Dad." Rachel said, not realizing the words coming out of her mouth. She put her hand to her mouth and felt her face go pink.

Tim was shocked too. He hadn't expected that so soon. Even though they had been living together for over a month, the two practically never talked. They both didn't know what to say.

Maybe they were more alike than either of them could know.

"I am so sorry Tim." Rachel said, starting to fear he would hurt her again. Her hand went stiff in his.

Tim noticed this, of course. How could he take away her fears forever? "I am not going to hurt you. Ever. Please understand that I love you baby girl."

Baby girl.

Man, way to hit Rachel in the feels.

"Sorry I'm such a fuck up."

"HEY!! Don't say that word! Did someone call you that?"

"Yeah. My parents did. Right before they threw me into the trunk."

"The TRUNK OF A CAR?"

"Y-y-y-eah. That's what I remembered in the restaurant. I haven't thought about that stuff in a while while I was with you guys. I always felt so much more safe. But one word, one grab, sets me off into freak mode."

"You are not a freak. You were never a freak. You will never be a freak. Do you understand me? Your mother and brothers and Marley and me all love you and would do anything for you. None of us will hurt you. And we will always protect you."

Rachel rolled her eyes, "You guys are getting really redundant with this,"

"Then let it sink in. We are your family-"

"Can we go home? I'm really cold."

"Yeah. Let's go."

The two of them walked to the car, Rachel grasping her dad's hand. Her dad. The sound of it made her so happy. She could finally feel like she had both a mom and a dad. Well, she knew she always did but she was never able to say that she felt like she was a part of them. And they were a part of her.

Rachel shivered in the passenger's seat of the car. She was outside without a jacket for way too long, and she felt her throat getting scratchy. She let out a cough.

"Are you okay?" Tim asked, looking down at his tiny daughter squishing herself to keep warm.

"I'm cold." Rachel shivered.

Tim held out one hand to put it on her forehead. She was hot. "Here." He reached his hand to the back seat to grab the blanket sitting on the seat. He threw it over her and she immediately wrapped it around herself.

"I think you're a tad sick. There is only one way to settle this, movies and MarioKart!! I challenge you to Rainbow Road!!"

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time the duo had arrived home, Rachel had passed out in the passenger seat. Tim debated whether or not to wake her up, but looking at that peaceful face he just couldn't. So he lifted her into his arms and carried her in, putting her down on the couch. He grabbed the blanket and put it over her. Walking away to the kitchen, he put some tea on the stove.

"Dad?" A hoarse voice called in the distance.

"Yeah?"

"Stay with me," The tiny voice begged.

"Of course." Tim said, walking over and plopping himself down by her feet. Rachel shuffled around, putting her head into his lap. He started stroking her hair, it had flown everywhere. She let herself be in this embrace until she drifted off.

Not too long later, Tim's phone rang. Annoyed that it had woken up Rachel, he answered Shelby's call, knowing she was not going to be much of a happy camper for the way he had talked to her earlier that same day.

"How is she?" Shelby immediately asked, not bothering to even say "Hello" or "It's Me,".

Tim looked down at the sleeping child, making sure she was out. "She had a panic attack. And I didn't know how to calm her down. I don't know how to help my own child!! She looked at me with this sad begging look and I had no idea how to comfort her!!! I feel helpless." Tim grunted into the phone, not really mad at her, but mad at the damn world.

"That's it, I'm coming home." Shelby said, and shuffled across the room.

"No Shelby!! You have to stay there! You haven't even went to the theatre yet. You have to stick it out for a couple days so this guy leaves you and your show-choir alone! That's why you went out there. Remember?"

"What if she gets worse? This is because of me leaving. I need to see her." Shelby declared quietly.

"Shelby- just a couple more days. Make them think you're interested, then come running back here, claiming she's sick."

"Can I talk to mom?" A tiny voice said from below.

"Yeah." Tim said, handing her the phone.

"Mommy?" Rachel questioned into the phone.

"Baby..." Shelby cried, feeling the tears at her eyes.

"I miss you...." She wanted to tell her mother to come home as fast as she could, because she didn't know how to go through the night without her, but then she remembered that her mother was in New York to follow her dream.

She hadn't heard much of the conversation, just her father telling her mother to come back in a couple of days. That wouldn't be so bad would it?

"I miss you too baby... are you okay? Do you need me?"

"No. Everything's fine. Daddy is keeping me company."

Shelby sounded surprised. "Daddy?"

"Yeah, Daddy! My dad, married to you, has four kids with you... Ring a bell?"

Shelby laughed. "Yeah, I guess it does. I'm glad you and him are getting closer."

"I am too." Rachel said, looking up at her Dad. He smiled back at her.

"Well missy, I have to go now. I promise to call you later. Call me if you need anything." She said before hanging up. Rachel handed the phone back to Tim.

"Can we watch-"

"The Avengerssss! Black Widowwwww Babbbyyyyyy!!!" Jesse riffed, throwing himself on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. Soon followed by Marley, who took a handful of popcorn from the bowl and sat next to Jesse.

"A PARTY WITHOUT ME!! HOW RUDE!!!" Jonathan squealed, throwing himself down next to Jesse and Marley.

Yeah, Rachel loved her family.


	17. 525,600

"I'm glad you and him are getting closer."

"I am too." Rachel said, and I could literally feel him looking at her with that brightened up the room smile of hers. Knowing him, he was probably under her spell and smiling back at her.

"Well missy, I have to go now. I promise to call you later. Call me if you need anything."

Shelby sighed, hanging up her phone and clicking it off. Really, she should be happy that her baby was doing fine without her, but of course she had to feel jealous. She was the closest to her baby, the two of them had a special bond. Not that Rachel shouldn't have the same bond with her father... but she couldn't get rid of the nervous pit in her stomach.

"Shelby Corcoran!!"

Shelby looked up to see someone she didn't recognize. She had been hiding out in a dressing room for most of her first day, she wouldn't lie. She felt weird about leaving her daughter and was debating whether or not to leave already. She just wanted her baby back.

She wasn't necessarily planning on ignoring reuniting with her fellow cast members, but she really didn't know what to say to them. She hadn't seen any of these people in twenty years. She wanted to invite them to her wedding, but they were all so busy with the premiere that no one could go.

Shelby tilted her head at the woman. Dark curly hair... dark skin...

Oh, she must be the new Joanne to my Maureen.

"Hi. Sorry I've just been in my own little la-la-land. You must be Joanne."

"On most days I go by Joanne, but sometimes I go by Traci."

"Sometimes I go by Shelby. It's nice to meet you."

"I'm kind of a big fan of yours. I saw the show when it was still in previews when I was out of high school and didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. Twenty years later I'm a tv actress and I finally hit a role in a Broadway show." She laughed, giving Shelby a look of admiration. Even though people sometimes recognized her, she wasn't used to this kind of attention.

"I am so glad that I inspired you to go into acting. It's a good field. I think. I don't know. I'm a bit rusty."

"If you don't mind my asking, why did you leave?"

"Are you married?" 

She shook her head no. 

"Have any kids?" 

She shook her head no again. 

"I saw my husband, and I just knew. I knew that I didn't want to be a Broadway star anymore. It was weird, it was what I wanted since I was in high school and I auditioned endlessly for a show, and I got to Rent, and I stayed there, but when it finally came the moment to premiere the show, I just wanted to go home with him and start a family. It might sound spoiled for someone to give up their Broadway spot to go get married and have kids, but it was what I needed to do. I figured I could do community theater, maybe teach some singing and direct some local shows. Then..." She took a deep breath. She still had a hard time talking about Rachel's abduction. It just brought back all of the pain she felt the first time around.

"I lost my daughter. And I didn't want to act, or sing. I was too miserable. I couldn't get her out of my head. The only thing I could do was become a teacher. Because I hoped that maybe, if I helped kids enough... I don't know... I thought maybe it could bring her back from the dead. And you know what? It brought her back to me... and saying this all out loud makes me feel like I should be with her, you know? But I want to get back on that stage. I have my daughter back, and I feel like maybe I can get my dream job back too."

"Wow." was all Tracie could say. I probably put her into shock telling her my whole life story within the first fifteen minutes she knew me. Oops.

"Meeting in the meeting room in fifteen minutes," The person on the loudspeaker suddenly boomed.

"Yay..." I smiled sarcastically. Traci smiled.

"So tell me more about your daughter," Traci said as the two of them walked to the meeting room.

"She's going to be 12 in a week. And I won't even be with her on her birthday. This is the first birthday she'll have back with us and I can't even be there."

"You should bring her to New York for the weekend!" Traci said excitedly. "You could show her all the sites and take her to see a Broadway show!"

"That is a great idea! Rachel would love it. It would be a great surprise. Maybe I should just have the whole family out here. I know they're hurting from me being gone, even though they don't show it," She sighed.

"How long are you staying?"

"Greig called me and told me I had to stay for at least a week otherwise he wouldn't get off my back. I don't know why he wanted me, I think I'm a little old to be playing Maureen."

"Wait, he didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"That we're playing a benefit concert at Carnegie Hall next weekend and they're trying to get as many Broadway celebs as possible."

"But I was never on Broadway!"

"But you're the original Maureen. Believe it or not, people do remember you."

"I guess. What's the benefit for?"

"It's an ad for the revival show, and all the money they make goes to the children's hospital."

"That's amazing. Why didn't he tell me?"

"Because I wanted to see how dedicated you are to the art of musical theater." Michael said, popping up behind us.

"Blackmail was not necessary." She crossed her arms, furrowing her eyebrow.

"I am making a donation to your showchoir. That was not a lie." He said, crossing his arms in imitation of her.

"You coach showchoir?" Traci asked, her smile even wider than before. "I wanted to be in showchoir so bad when I was in high school. It was the new thing. I was too nervous to try out at the time, and look at me now. I do regret not being able to do it though."

"They're a great group of kids. This is the year they're going to do great things. I can tell. And I'm not just saying that because my daughter is in there.."

"Wait," Michael said, his voice booming in surprise. "You have a daughter? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm pretty sure it was lost along the lines of 'I want to stay in Ohio with my family,'" I gritted through my teeth with an angry smile. Michael got the message and backed away.

"Shelby, please at least stay until the benefit concert. You get two solo songs and a couple with the group and maybe a duet. Please?"

"Fine," Shelby growled.

"And, I just had a great idea, you should sing a duet with your daughter!!" Michael smiled, proud of himself for coming up with such a brilliant idea. Shelby rolled her eyes.

"I'll see what I can do."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Marley!! You shouldn't do glee!!" Rachel tried. Ever since Mr. Schue had come over for dinner, he had instilled that Marley joined the glee club. Rachel knew that if Marley joined, her spot as being the greatest singer would be challenged. Marley wasn't that good, but she was good enough to spark competition.

"Uncle Tim wants me to. He says I don't interact with kids our age." Marley shrugged, continuing to walk down the hallway. She was enrolled in Rachel's school as well, despite the fact that it wasn't that close to home, it was where Shelby worked and when she got back she intended on being there for both of them.

"But you're accustomed to country music and singing with your guitar. This is Broadway music, it's the stuff that legends like Barbra sing."

"So are you saying that Patsy Cline is not a legend? She died at age thirty, and she is still as successful as Barbra Streisand, who got at least forty more years, presuming she doesn't die in the near future."

Rachel's mouth dropped. "Did you just suggest that Barbra Streisand is going to die? Because that woman in up next to God. She's never going to die..."

Marley rolled her eyes at this. "I'm doing glee whether or not you want me to Rach. Aunt Shelbs and Uncle Tim wanted me to."

"But you can't-"

"Hey there girls! Are you Ms. Corcoran's niece?" Marley nodded at the man that just poofed out of nowhere. "She's told me a lot about you. I'm Mr. Schuester, I'm the Spanish teacher.."

"Hi Mr. Schue. Are you the guy with the crush on the social worker?" Marley smiled.

"Yes... so will you be joining glee club? I know its already competition season, but we figure you can still be apart of the group even though you don't compete."

"Yeah I'm totally fine with that. I just want to make friends while I'm here and not have a horrible time. I love singing no matter where it is."

Rachel rolled her eyes. She had absolutely no interest in this conversation. For one, it was all about Marley and didn't involve her at all, and two, she just said competing was not important. Competing was the only reason that their school even had a showchoir, cause winning stuff made it look good. And the only reason they had won anything that year was because she was there. All of the other kids in the choir sucked. Rachel picked the dirt out of her nails listening to the two of them babbling in the middle of the hallway. How much long was this passing period anyway?

Lucky for Rachel, the warning bell rang at that moment. Mr. Schue said he'd see the both of them later before disappearing down the hallway. She looked at Marley, avoiding an eyeroll, before leading her cousin down the hallway into her mother's classroom.

Her mother had only been gone for 24 hours and yet it had felt like a lifetime to Rachel. She was okay with her dad now, the two of them had vowed to spend this time to get to know each other, but yet it felt weird being in her mother's classroom without her mother.

Shelby had told Rachel that this classroom had been hers when she first started teaching ten years ago, and she never left it. The cheesy posters that wrapped around the room had stood there as long, she claimed they were a package she received as a gift from the teacher she student taught for (who ended up retiring at the end of that year and giving her mother everything that was in the room).

Santana glared at Rachel. "What's wrong Man-Hands, miss your mommy?" Rachel frowned, giving Santana a sad look back. Santana raised her eyebrows. "I'm sorry Berry. This actually sucks shit. Especially after she gets the sub reports from this sub back." She turned her head to look at Marley. "Who are you?"

"Rachel's cousin. It's my first day here."

Santana smiled. (smiled?) "Come sit by me. There's an empty seat." Marley followed Santana and plopped into the seat. Rachel didn't see Lucy anywhere to go talk to so she followed them, awkwardly standing against the desk. The two of them were already in deep conversation and Rachel felt left out so she asked the first thing she thought of.

"Who is this sub?"

"We had her a couple times when you were in the hospital and Shelby took sick days to be with you. She's horrible. If you talk once she'll practically throw you into the principal's office. So watch your ass." Santana declared and got herself ready to jump back into her conversation with Marley, but Rachel wasn't done yet.

"What about you? You don't seem too concerned with your level of talk?" Rachel crossed her arms, offended that Santana had trash talked her yet again.

"Berry, believe it or not, I know how to keep my mouth shut at times... now I would go sit down if I were you."

Rachel scoffed. She was not going to let Santana tell her what to do. So she stood there, next to Marley and Santana, arms crossed, and stared at them. She wished her looks could kill- because then they would both certainly be dead.

She stood there for what seemed like hours until the clearing of a throat took her out of her thoughts. She turned around to see an elderly lady glaring at her. Was this the sub?

"Young lady, why are you not in your seat?" The lady said, a hint of irritation in her voice.

"I was, um..." Rachel looked back at Marley and Santana, hoping for some kind of support. The two of them pretended to ignore her, pretty much looking the other way. Some cousin Marley was. "Sorry ma'am. It won't happen again." Rachel shuffled back to her seat, and looked at the wall. The whole class was staring at her and she was putting in all of her effort not to cry.

"What is your name, miss?" The sub said, now standing at Rachel's mother's desk and getting ready to plop her big ugly butt into her mother's chair.

"Rachel Berry." The fact that her name was still Rachel Berry on those attendance sheets made her feel dirty, like she was still connected to them. In that way, she wasn't even connected to her mother or father or brothers at all. She was still that trash that got thrown in the closet.

"Alright Rachel Berry, take this as a warning, I do not like it when students are not in their desks at the beginning of class, do you understand?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Alright. I will proceed to take attendance now."

Rachel tuned out the rest of the class. She had literally no respect for this lady. That might have seemed a bit harsh but she was sitting in her mother's chair and pretending that she could just magically replace her mother. Her mother wasn't the favorite teacher, she was the polar opposite, but the kids would someday admit that her mother was not that bad.

Rachel successfully ignored her cousin the rest of the day, she did not want to deal with her or Santana. It was an old trend, she felt alone, eating lunch in the bathroom because Lucy was not there and she couldn't sit with the rest of the table because Santana was introducing Marley to the glee club.

Rachel locked herself into the big stall, leaning against the wall. She hadn't been slushied today, but that moment was probably one of the best of her life, slushies aside.

"I saw what happened. Okay, so I didn't actually see what happened but I know about the slushie. I want to help you. If you tell me..."

"Look, you're all nice and stuff, but I know you don't want to have anything to do with me, it's okay." I heard her feet against the tile floor and then heard her slump to the ground.

Rachel slumped to the ground. She wished her mother was on the other side of the stall, slumped as well, like that first day. She let out a huge sob before curling into a ball. But there wasn't anyone else in that bathroom to give her a hug or tell her everything was going to be okay.

Rachel Berry was most definitely alone.

Later that night, the family of five sat at the kitchen table, Chinese takeout sitting on plates in front of them. The laptop sat at the end of the table, waiting for the call.

When her mother's name popped up on the screen, Rachel visibly relaxed. Maybe seeing her mom would help her calm down, she had been really on edge since that morning. Rachel was so glad glee club had gotten cancelled, she really did not want to deal with her cousin at that current moment, being forced to sit next to her was enough torture.

"Hi guys!! How are you??" Her mother's voice boomed through the speaker. Rachel avoided looking up, she was afraid she would start crying if she did.

"Mom, we miss you." Jesse declared. "Are you coming home at the end of the week?"

"No. I actually have some news to tell you! I'm not playing Maureen in the revival!!" Shelby declared a little too happily. Everyone's faces tensed up.

"Why not? Is everything okay? Are you okay?" Jesse said, concerned at his mother's lack of disappointment that she was not going to get to perform on Broadway. 

"It turns out that the director that called me wanted to get me over here to be part of a benefit concert to promote the revival. And maybe I'll stick around and observe the new Maureen and help her out."

"You seem awfully happy about getting kicked out..."

"Because I get to sing in Carnegie Hall... and you guys get to sing with me!!" Shelby screamed. Everyone else at the table jumped in excitement at this, and Rachel continued looking down at her legs on the chair. 

"Rachel, are you okay?" Her mother said, for the first time directly speaking to her. Rachel still hadn't looked up, she didn't want to see that face. That face that she associated with warmth and love and hugs, couldn't comfort her now. She should have never gotten so attached...

"I don't feel too good..." She said, still avoiding eye contact with her mother. She was pretty sure someone was going to follow her up the stairs, but no one did, they were all too busy talking to her mom...

"Rachel, is everything okay?"Jesse said, standing in her doorway.

"No..." She sobbed, before throwing herself face forward into her pillow.


	18. The Schuyler Sisters

Jesse sat with Rachel for ten minutes before the house phone rang. Jesse listened in, trying to hear if the answering machine picked up the call, not hearing anything, he resumed rubbing Rachel's back in a soothing way. It was the only thing he could do, since her head was still shoved into the pillow.

"Rachel your mother wants to talk to you." Tim appeared at the door with the house receiver in his hand.

Rachel's stomach twisted into a knot. She was not in the mood for this.

Jesse got up from the bed. "I'll be in my room if you need me." He said, walking out. He wondered where Marley was, since the two of them shared a room.

"Do you know what's up with Rachel?" Tim asked, following Jesse into his room. "She's been off since she got back from school." Jesse shrugged, picking up his favorite guitar from next to his bed and strumming it absentmindedly.

"I know why. She's upset about her mother being gone... and I'm not exactly helping the situation." Marley said, also appearing in Jesse's doorway. She looked at Tim, the guilt on her face evident. "Her friends just took a liking to me, I'm Rachel's cool cousin that people would rather hang out with than Man-Hands Berry."

Tim sighed. "I need to write." He said, walking out of the room and coming back with his guitar and a notebook. Marley grabbed Jesse's spare guitar and the three of them sat on the bed strumming away melodies made up in their minds about the girl who was alone.

Rachel nervously held up the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Oh goodness Rachel. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm great." She said a little too flatly.

"Don't lie to me Rachel Barbra. What is wrong?"

"Everything is falling apart." She said, feeling the air in her insides choke up.

"Like what?"

Rachel debated telling her about the situation with Marley. But that was not worth it. Her cousin did not deserve to get busted out by Shelby. That would just make Rachel look like a tattle tale anyways.

"The sub for you is really mean." Rachel decided to go with. "She sits in your chair and acts like she's you."

"Rachel, I know you're mad at me for leaving. You pushed me to go even though you didn't want me to and I listened even though I knew. But were you listening to my news? The whole family is driving to New York because of the fact that I am getting to perform at Carnegie Hall. That's a once in a lifetime opportunity!" And there was also the fact that it was Rachel's birthday that weekend. But Shelby was not going to ruin that surprise.

"Greeeaaaattt. New York. How fun." Rachel bit even though she was overjoyed at the thought of finally going to the city of her dreams.

"Rachel... I don't know what to say. I'm sorry I left. I know that really hurt you, after all that we have been through, I shouldn't have been in such a rush to leave. You need me and I'm not there." Shelby paused.

Why did this family love to be so over dramatic about everything? It's not like she wanted to be clung to her mother's side, but her mother was the reason she was alive, the first person to actually love her...

Rachel shifted her sitting position. "You're right. I told you to go because it's an amazing opportunity. I'm fine... I have to go now. I love you. Bye. " She hung up and threw the phone across the room. Jesse picked that moment to walk back in, he was not going to get caught for eavesdropping (or at least be the first one, because the whole family had clumped outside the door.)

"How did that conversation go?" He asked, picking up the phone from its spot against the wall.

"Great. Just great." Rachel bit.

"Are you mad at her?" Jesse asked, not really getting the main point of the situation. He was the closest to Rachel after their mother, she was his baby sister and he would be the one to help her if their mother couldn't be around.

"No. I'm not. I'm- mad at myself." Rachel admitted. "I'm mad at myself for missing my mother so much. You guys miss her and all of that, but you aren't-" Rachel stopped. She still wasn't used to the whole telling the world about her problems thing. She certainly was not going to tell them about the fact that she hadn't slept at all in two days.

"We aren't what?" Jesse bit. What was going on? Rachel's eyes looked strained, but it wasn't worse than usual. He had the feeling his little sister didn't get that much sleep, and never had, so she was used to the headaches and constant eye heaviness. "Are you sleeping?"

Rachel didn't answer, and that only confirmed his suspicions. "You need to tell Da-, Tim."

"Tim doesn't need to know." Rachel spat out. "Insomnia does not mean that I am mentally unstable... it only means that..." Rachel had tried to babble about her health like she usually did because usually that would make them back off, but now...

"Rachel that is not healthy. Your body needs rest. It's bad for your eyes, it's probably bad for having to concentrate..."

"I haven't slept more than three hours a night in five years!!" She snapped. She immediately realized her mistake and shrank back, nervous about what would happen next.

"I'm telling Dad." Jesse ran out of the room and ran to talk to Tim. Rachel debated her options before following him.

"Dad..." Jesse started but Rachel cut him off.

"Yes I haven't slept more than three hours a night since I was six! I know it's bad I just can't make myself sleep. There's always...." Rachel's voice faded out. Tim just looked concerned and Jesse stared at his baby sister with his arms crossed.

Rachel knew the tears were coming. "I only feel safe when Mom is sleeping with me. Otherwise I always feel like someone is going to break in here and..."

"BRAT!!!" Leroy threw the door open, letting it bounce off the back wall. A six year old Rachel jumped awake, startled at the noise. She could tell her daddy was mad again.

"I didn't do anything!!" Rachel cried.

"Of course you didn't!" He said lifting her off the bed and throwing her to the floor. She landed with a crack and felt something snap. He kicked and kicked her until he felt satisfied and left the room.

That was the last time Rachel slept.

"When you were in the hospital, the doctors said there were unhealed fractures in your back.." Tim started. Rachel jumped. She had had a flashback, but how did Tim know? She then realized she had placed one of her hands where he had cracked the bone. "Did you just have a flashback?" He asked.

Rachel nodded. Up until now they had been pretty chill about her not opening up to the social worker, she kind of just babbled about show choir and Barbra and her mom but none of the things that traumatized her. She hoped they wouldn't make her talk.

"Why don't you try sleeping with me tonight? I know I'm not your mother but I will protect you too. I consider myself scarier than your mother." Tim smiled.

"More scary than Coach Corcoran? You sir are sadly mistaken." Jesse laughed before leaving her and Tim alone.

"So Rach, anything you want to tell me?" Tim said, patting his legs. She walked over and sat on his lap, like a little kid, but she didn't care.

"I know I'm supposed to talk about stuff that happened when I was with them but it just doesn't feel right." Rachel said, snuggling into her father.

"I think you know when the time is right to talk about things. They may seem scary but telling people helps you to let go and feel better." Tim rubbed his daughter's arm, giving her a kiss on her hair.

\-------------------------------

Jonathan, Jesse and Marley were sitting in Jesse's room strumming their guitars. Jesse was scribbling down lyrics and chords while Marley harmonized, Jonathan strumming in the background. The whole situation about their little sister/cousin made them all very uneasy. They all just wanted her to feel like a normal kid, despite everything.

"Hey kids.." Tim stood at the doorway, looking at the three of them sitting on the bed. He could tell they were all related. They all had the same dark hair and dark eyes...

"Hey Dad..." Jesse said without looking up from his notebook, where he continued scribbling down chords and lyrics.

"Can I hear it?" He asked.

"Sure..." Jesse handed Marley the notebook, and she put it down where both her and Jonathan could see it. Jesse started playing the introduction, followed by Jonathan joining in with strumming, and Marley started humming.

If only you knew  
The sunlight shines a little brighter,  
The weight of the world's a little lighter,  
The stars lean in a little closer  
All because of you.

I want to see  
You lift your chin a little higher,  
Open your eyes a little wider,  
Speak your mind a little louder,  
'cause you are royalty.

This is your kingdom,  
This is your crown,  
This is your story.  
This is your moment,  
Don't look down..

You're ready, born ready.  
And all you gotta do  
Is put one foot in front of you.  
Our ceiling is your floor,  
And all you gotta do  
Is put one foot in front of you,  
If only you knew.

Jesse looked up at Jonathan and Marley. "I need a bridge though... and second chorus..."

"That was beautiful..." Jesse looked to see Rachel sitting on Tim's lap. She had tears in her eyes. Tim was smiling. If only her mother was here to see this.

"Thanks Rach. It's true though."

"We just want to see you happy. You're the baby of the family." Marley said with an apologetic smile on her face.

Rachel turned to look at her father. "When is this court date thingy? It feels like I should already be apart of this family by now."

"You are apart of this family, legal or not. The trial is after we get back from New York. And after that, you're officially a Corcoran-Barnes."

"Oh, now we're putting a hyphen in there?"

"Yeah. You guys can get your names changed if you really want to be Barnes as well."

Marley looked away at the wall. Tim didn't notice but Jonathan did. He was quiet, yet observant because despite not being much of a talker, he always paid attention to details. Marley still felt like an outcast. Marley and Rachel both did... after all this time. He wondered how long it would take them to realize that they were members of their family whether they liked it or not.

"Alright Rachel, let's get you to bed."

"I'm going to be 12 next week. I don't need a bedtime." Rachel sassed, all happy tears gone at the aspect of being treated like a baby.

"I know, but I just want you to lay down. You can watch TV, but I think you should try sleeping in our bed tonight. Maybe you'll sleep a little better. C'mon."

Tim attempted to lift Rachel up when he stood up, but kind of failed when he realized she was a little too heavy to carry, despite being a toothpick.

"Can we watch Gilmore Girls?"

"If that's what you want, honey." 

Rachel slept a little better that night, knowing her father was slightly snoring next to her. He looked calm, peaceful. He looked ten years younger. For being 45, the gray hairs and wrinkles made him look 60. He just stressed so much. About work, his family...

She would make it up to him. And she knew exactly how.

\-------------------------------

Rachel felt energetic the next morning. Better than how she had ever felt. She felt rested, and happy. That was probably why she was running around the kitchen, squealing about glee club and how she was going to have Marley with her. Marley was just happy her younger cousin had forgiven her for messing around with Santana. Not that she was going to stop, she just needed to be there for Rachel when Santana got bitchy.

"Can you sit down and eat?" Tim tried. He was sitting at the kitchen table, staring at his laptop while sipping his coffee. Rachel generally never saw him in the morning, he was generally gone by the time she got up. He was going to work later just so he could drive the kids to school. Rachel smiled, he looked so cute in that suit and tie!

"I'm just so happyyyy!!" Rachel said, jumping up and down. Marley and Jonathan walked past her, placing the gallon of milk and cereal on the table. The two of them sat down and started pouring, still shocked at how Rachel was so hyper.

"Life is great!!" Rachel said, running around the house in circles.

"Is this what happens when Rachel sleeps?" Marley asked.

"Did you inject her with sugar again?" Jonathan joked.

"Oh, just because you go to a different middle school you won't have to deal with that sugar machine... but just you wait, I'm going to make you pay." Marley retorted.

"I didn't do anything!!" Jonathan retorted, spooning honey nut cheerios in his mouth.

"Rachel come eat something!!" Tim demanded, a little agitated. How did he handle three boys? How did he have the energy? It was stressful just to listen to them go back and forth. 

"Daddddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyy." Rachel bounced into the kitchen, still jumping. "I can't stop jumping. I feel so alive!!"

"That's great honey, but you need to eat something. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day... eat some cereal." Rachel shockingly obliged. She sat down and poured herself a bowl of cereal, interested by what was going on in front of her. Her brother and cousin were having... a rap battle?

"What are you guys doing?" Rachel asked, confused.

"Pssh, Cabinet Battle #1..." Marley said without breaking a breath in what she was rapping.

"What?" Rachel was lost.

"Let's go guys." Tim said, getting up from the table. He was clearly used to whatever was going on.

"Me- I dyed for him!!" Jonathan squealed.

"Me- I loved him!!" Marley declared.

"Me... I'm the damn fool who shot him.." Tim said, and the other two acted shocked.

"Alexander Hamilton, my name is Alexander Hamilton, and there's a million things I haven't done, so just you wait..." Jesse said, showing up in the kitchen.

"What just happened?" Rachel said, lost.

"I think it's time." Marley said, before pulling out... a cd? You have a mission, young warrior. Listen to this.." She handed her the soundtrack to... Hamilton? She had heard of it, but never had the opportunity to listen to it. If it meant she got to break into random musical numbers with her family, then hell yes.

Rachel strolled into school happy for the first day in a long time. She thought she had everything she could have ever wanted when she found her mother, but she realized that having a family was great too. She was just so happy, and felt so alive. She had never felt so rejuvenated, she slept a whole six hours!! And that was the greatest feeling in the world.

When she walked into glee that day, she couldn't rub the smile off her face, even when she saw Ms. Holliday standing with Mr. Schue. She honestly didn't care. She had family and friends who loved her, what else did she need.

"Hey Man Hands.." Santana smirked from where she was sitting with Brittany.

"Hey Santana. I see you're absolutely awful, like usual." Rachel said, walking right past her to her usual spot against the wall. She wondered where Lucy was- she hadn't seen her in weeks. She should probably call her.

"Alright, so everyone this is your new coach Ms. Holliday and she's going to be taking over while Ms. Corcoran is away." Mr. Schue announced.

"Hi guys..." Ms Holliday started, but Mr. Schue cut her off.

"Our lesson this week is rap... you know what that means...."

"Hamilton!!" Everyone screamed excitedly. Ms. Holliday seemed offended that her speech was cut off, but was quickly recovered when Kurt conplimented Ms. Holliday's outfit.

"Look Man Hands, let's put all of our drama aside for this thirty minutes it takes for us to come up with our song. Hamilton and Lin Manuel Miranda are two of the greatest things in the world, I'll admit."

"Can we do Schuyler Sisters? There's three of us." Marley asked, mainly because it was her favorite song in the show. Rachel nodded, because it was the one song she remembered clearly enough, mainly because Angelica was her favorite character so far.

"I'll be Angelica, Marley will be Eliza, and Rachel will be Peggy." Santana decided. Rachel debated whether or not to argue that she wanted to be Eliza, mainly because she knew she couldn't win the fight for Angelica.

"Do you guys want to stay in here for lunch?" Marley asked later, because after an hour of trying to figure out a dance, they just couldn't stay in sync.

"Yeah. Just let me go get my lunch." Rachel said, joining the traffic in the hallway. She walked over to her locker, did her combo, and opened her locker. She was about to grab her lunch when she saw a piece of paper fall from her locker.

Hello Rachel,

It would seem that I should be happy for you and your new found family. However, I'm not. Because of you the rest of my life will be spent behind bars. Why should you be happy if I can't be happy? You're just a worthless piece of wasted space no matter what. I'll make you a deal, you can leave and surrender this new found family and I won't hurt the people you love, specifically green eyes. Don't underestimate me, I have people everywhere. I will always find you.

Just do everyone a favor and kill yourself, preferably before the trial...

Rachel dropped the letter. She didn't realize she was shaking until Santana touched her shoulder and she jumped, letting out a small yelp.

"Woah, sorry Berry. I didn't realize you were going crazy." She snapped, letting out a long sigh. "Are you okay?"

"Ye-yeah." Rachel had to try so hard to make the sounds come out of her mouth, her heart was beating so hard in her chest she felt like she was going to pass out. "I just-forgot- to do my science homework." She let out.

"I'm sure Ms. Holliday will let you off. You never don't have your homework. The way you're freaking out right now proves it."

"Yeah. I guess." She laughed. She crumpled the piece of paper into a ball, then shoved it into the bottom of her backpack. She couldn't let anyone see it.

She had to get out of there. She was already a burden on her family by being there, she couldn't let them suffer any more pain on her behalf.

Part of Rachel told her to run out the side door and just run until she couldn't run anymore. The other part of her eyeballed her mother's classroom door. It was almost weird how even know the thought of crying into her mother's chest seemed a bit pathetic and she wanted it but at the same time couldn't want it because her mother was in another state. 

The bell rang and Rachel rushed off to lunch with Ms. Holliday helping them with their dance. She did turn in her science homework and tried her best to concentrate the rest of the day but couldn't. Her mind wandered to imagining herself tied to a chair being tortured or watching her own mother die. It made her stomach flip.

What was she going to do?

(song: Daughter by Sleeping at Last)


	19. No One Is Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is no longer canon but I will leave it in. 
> 
> (Yes I know a piece of this chapter is really irrelevant to the story but the text in it is based off a real conversation I had with two of my friends and it really scared me when they said they wanted to kill themselves. They're fine now, but I just want my point to get across... if you're having suicidal thoughts, please tell someone!! You can PM me if you want... You are not alone... no one is alone... okay no more musical references for me.)

Rachel was beyond terrified. She spent the whole school day imagining the best way for her to die. She wished she could do something dramatic and fall off the radar like they did in the movies to protect her family, but that was clearly not going to happen. This guy, whoever he was, would find her no matter what. She just knew that was the inevitable ending to her life. A life she had spent the majority of alone and miserable.

She spent the night twitting her fingers nervously in her room and then under the table at dinner. At one point her hands started shaking. She had absolutely no idea what to do. She knew she should be working on the song she wanted to write for Tim, but the anxiety coming to her made it hard for her to think straight at all. And even if she could, her hands were shaking too much for her to write, let alone play the guitar.

"Rachel. Did you do your homework?" Tim asked around nine that night. Rachel looked down, putting her hands where he couldn't see them, still shaking. "Marley!! Help Rachel with her homework!!" He shouted up the stairs. "Do it now." He demanded gently before walking away.

Rachel walked upstairs to the bedroom where Marley was playing spider solitaire on the computer the two of them shared, with earbuds in.

"What do you need help with?" She asked without looking up.

"I just have a lot on my mind. I didn't do anything. How long is this going to take me?" Rachel whined. She was not in the mood to do any homework. She really wanted to look up at her ceiling for a while.

"Do the math first. Then you can use the computer to Google your roots."

"Okay." Rachel looked down at her hands, still shaking. She needed to calm down. Her life was not over. At least not yet. And she was safe for now. She knew there were obviously people after her, and they were able to get into school. But she was safe at home...

Or maybe she was just putting everyone else at risk.

"Can you play some Barbra Streisand?" Marley nodded, and Rachel was soon able to relax hearing one of her favorite voices, behind her mother, of course, sing.

Rachel did the math, and after Marley declared she was going to take a shower, Rachel started using the computer to do her stems, softly playing the Essential Barbra Streisand in the background.

(AN: bold type is Lucy, italics is Frannie, and normal is Rach)

A notification beep and pop up notified Rachel of someone chatting her. 'Hello...' Lucy chatted. Thinking about it, she hadn't seen Lucy around recently. She had made a mental note to herself to call her that night, but then all hell had broken loose and she had forgot.

'Hi' I replied, calmly swishing back and forth on my chair.

'We need help'. She typed. I tilted my head in confusion. She had all weekend to ask me questions about homework and she waited until eleven at night-

'with what?' I typed.

We're both having anxiety attacks can't breathe and want to kill ourselves

Please help us

'What can I do?' I typed nervously. I could hear my brothers shuffling around upstairs and my dad talking to my mom on the phone in the next room. Marley was still in the shower. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. The words stared at me bluntly on the screen. ...we want to kill ourselves...

'I don't know but I can't breathe' Frannie joined in on the conversation.

Rachel had never met Lucy's older sister, but Lucy had told her they had a good relationship and never fought. They kept each other company and were each other's best friends.

Do you want to do a call???

Or stop crying and shaking

Please help

I just want to kill myself

Please help

I just need to calm down and I haven't been able to

And please don't tell anyone about this

'Deep breaths' I typed. Should I go get my dad? No. They told me they didn't want me to tell anyone. I cannot break that promise, not when they're telling me they want to kill themselves. What did my mom do when I had panic attacks? She put my head on her heart and that is what steadied my breathing.

I'm trying

If I do I start choking on air

I'm losing feeling in my hands and arms

Do you want to do a call?

I can barely type

Same here it's kinda hard to type words

'If helps you guys then of course' I typed in quickly. This was all happening so fast...

Idk if it'll help...

I can't lift my hands

'I'm right here for you. Tell me what is wrong,' I typed.

That'll need a call I can't type it out

Rachel plucked Marley's earbuds off the dresser and plugged them into her computer. She did not need anyone else hearing this conversation.

'What is wrong?' Rachel typed then mentally slammed her head into a wall. She must sound like such an idiot. And then she hears it. The both of them are crying hardly and their breathing is so erratic that they're choking on air. They start to tell her what is going on but Rachel can't understand what they are saying because they are crying so hard.

'You need to take deep breathes' Rachel typed. She could feel the pit of her stomach flipping. She could feel her eyes filling with tears. She knew how it felt to be in this situation and yet she had no idea what to say. Anything could set a suicidal person off, not to mention two in the same house.

"I have to do something, I'll be right back." Rachel says out loud then ripped the earbuds out of her ears and stomp quietly out to the bathroom. By now all the lights are off and she can hear her father's deep breathing in the background. I debate whether or not to knock before bursting in.

"What the heck?" Marley growled. She had a towel wrapped around her body and stood pulling a comb through her hair. She hummed an old country song that sounded familiar and pulled her hair into a bun. She let out a deep breath. "What is it?"

"Frannie and Lucy called me and they're crying and hyperventilating. And they said they want to kill themselves and I don't know what to do..." I took a shaky breath in. "We need to calm them down..."

"Rachel, you need to calm down. You will not be any help to them if you're panicking now as well." Marley slowly closed the door and reopened it two minutes later wearing her Captain America pajamas and her wet hair pulled back in a bun. She motioned for Rachel to start walking to their room, and stopped when they saw Jesse looking at them from in his bedroom.

"Is everything okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. Everything is fine." Marley affirmed. Jesse tilted his head at Rachel, who was much easier to read. She nodded in confirmation, and Jesse said good night to the both of them.

"I'm glad you're such a monotone rock." Rachel says to Marley as they walked back into their bedroom and sat on the bed where the laptop sat untouched.

"Hi guys. Rachel told me you guys are a little down. Do you want to talk about it?" Marley started. Rachel yanked out the earbud cord and the sound of uncontrolled sobs filled the air, except now it was only coming from one of them.

"I calmed down. Thanks Rach." Frannie said. So it was Lucy that was still crying uncontrollably. Listening to those sobs made both of them uncomfortable, Marley looked sad but quickly recovered.

"What is going on? Are you guys in danger? Are you home alone?" Marley didn't even flinch. Lucy was still sobbing loudly, and Rachel was trying not to cry.

"We're okay. We're not home alone, but our parents are asleep. And they'll kill us if we wake them up."

"Kill you?" Marley's eyebrows raised. "Like, kill you kill you?"

"No, no no no no, nothing like that." Frannie said, realizing her parents were now in the open. "It's just that, our father has been really, uh, overtired lately. He has to get up really early and he insists we wake up with him. And he yells at us a lot. And he likes to tell us that when we are eighteen he can kick us out so he doesn't have to feed us."

"What about your mom?" Marley asked, thinking about her own mom against her will. Whenever that came up in her mind, she honestly just felt sad. She knew her mom wanted her to be safe, so dumping her off with Shelby seemed like the best option, but she really just felt like she was in the way, both with her mom and with her aunt.

"She usually helps us calm down when we have anxiety attacks, and she tries to calm down our dad. But it usually doesn't work. One time he even banged down the door."

"Is there any possibility they might get divorced?" Marley asked. "Maybe your mom is trying to get you two away from him."

"No. Our mother would never leave." Frannie was saying. Lucy just kept crying, and Rachel sat silently watching it all unfold. Was this what it was like to have your whole life and plans and dreams ripped away from you? She didn't know, she never had them to start with.

"And why is that?"

"Our mom claims to care about him. But who knows if its true."

"How long has this been going on?"

"For a while. The anxiety attacks weren't as bad before, but they've gotten worse..."

"I just want to kill myself...." She heard a weep from Lucy.

"Why aren't you guys together? Lucy could clearly use a hug right now." Marley pointed out slyly.

"They'll hear if we try to go outside of our rooms." Frannie pointed out.

"I don't want to live anymore. I just want to go to sleep and never wa-"

Suddenly the signal cut off. Marley furrowed her brows at her computer screen and tried to call them back, but got nothing but a dead signal. Marley looked over at Rachel.

"Wow." Marley let out a breath.

"Yeah." Rachel agreed. "Do you think they'll be okay? Especially Lucy. She sounded really bad."

"I don't know. But technically he never hurt them physically, so I guess they can't do anything from a lawful standpoint. Then again, I am not a lawyer and never plan to be."

"It's amazing how you can't even tell when your friends are slowly losing themselves. It's awful."

"Some people are easier to read. You have been trained your whole life to hide your emotions, and most of the time you are still readable. Lucy is easy to read. She feels broken by the whole situation and wants to be loved. That's it."

"How do you know all of this?"

"I lived in a homeless shelter for a year. People came in and out of there like nothing. Families, single men, single women. Each of them had their own story, and you could see it in their faces if they were used to it or it was their first time. Being in a homeless shelter means you have almost nothing left."

"How did you get out of there?"

"Aunt Shelby sent a check for $5,000. It was enough to rent us a place to stay and stay stable for a while. She made me swear not to tell anyone that we accepted the money, but Aunt Shelby claimed it was for me to make sure I got to have a normal childhood and forced my mom to take it."

"Do you miss your mom?" Rachel asked.

"Of course I do. But I am glad to be here, with this family. I actually feel wanted. Not that I didn't feel wanted by my mother, but she had her own agenda, getting enough money to keep us out of that homeless shelter. And I think she just did not want to have to take care of a second human being. And she knew Aunt Shelby would take me, because Aunt Shelby and I are close."

"Should we tell Mom about this?"

Marley sat on her own bed. "Yeah. But not right now. I think it is one in the morning New York time." Marley chuckled, the sadness she was feeling very evident. "It's late. Did you even finish your homework?"

Now it was Rachel's time to laugh. "Haha. No. I better go do it then." Rachel jumped off the bed, taking her notebook and laptop to sit in the hallway. All of the rooms were dark, so Rachel just spread out on the floor of the hall, quietly clicking the keys.

After thirty minutes, Rachel finishes her homework, walking back into their room. Rachel looked over at Marley, now silent on her side of room, facing the opposite direction. Rachel sighed, going to brush her teeth. Once she was back upstairs in their room, she took a seat leaning against the window watching the rain pour. She felt awful, knowing she would never be able to fall asleep then. She stared down at her laptop, debating her next move, before starting to write on a blank document.

She fumbled around before realizing she needed to do this on paper. Grabbing a blank piece she started to write. 

Dear Whatever You Are,

I do not know what do anymore. My best friend claims she wants to kill herself, and there is someone out there trying to kill me. I want to talk to my mom or dad or somebody I can't say a word. The person said that they would personally kill my mother and I cannot allow them to take away her life because of my stupidity and my being here. That was not her fault.

Lucy's cries are still implanted in my brain. After all of this time of being a mental breakdown, I always thought I had it bad. And I did for a while. I thought I had it worse than anybody else on the planet. But then I was saved. Lucy and her sister don't feel safe in their own home, that's what makes me really sad about this whole thing. I don't know what to do about that. I don't know what to do about anything.

Rachel tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. She was not aware of what time it actually was, but she didn't want to get up for fear that she would wake Marley. She just sat there, wondering about why everything she touched she ruined. Her family was ruined the day she was born. Her friends wanted to kill themselves... Rachel let out a silent sob.

"Rachel, are you okay?" Marley turned around in her bed to face her. "What time is it?"

"I don't know..." Rachel whispered in response.

"Do you want to sleep with me?" Marley asked. 

It was amazing how Marley seemed so much more mature than Rachel did, or at least that's what Rachel thought. Marley was always a rock about everything, and Rachel wished she could control her emotions like that. She was unbreakable. Nothing could touch her.

"What's wrong?" Rachel threw herself down and squeezed her arms around Marley.

"Lucy... and Frannie..." Rachel let out.

"They will be fine. I will tell Shelby about it in the morning. I should probably tell Mr. Schue, but I trust Shelby more. She'll make sure they're okay."

"How are you such a rock?" Rachel asked in a serious tone.

Marley let out a laugh. "If I am a rock then the rest of your family is a group of volcanoes."

Three hours later when it was time for the girls to get up and get ready to go to school, Rachel got up with a blistering headache. She groaned before walking into the bathroom and prettying herself up for the day. When she had left the bedroom and Marley heard the bathroom door close, she dialed her aunt right away.

"Hello?" Her aunt answered on the other phone. She sounded fully awake.

"Aunt Shelby..." Marley let out a yawn. "Sorry. I need to talk to you about something."

"Is everything okay? What's wrong?"

"Lucy and Frannie called Rachel last night and told her they wanted to kill themselves. I was in the shower, and Rachel freaked out and came to get me. They were both crying and they told me that their father is really violent and likes to yell and that these anxiety attacks they're having are not a new thing. They haven't been in school the last couple of days..."

"Well, it's not like I can come take them out of the house myself. But they are certainly not alone in what they are going through. I remember Frannie, she was a really good student. And Lucy is Rachel's best friend, I have never seen anything but pleasantness from the both of them. I would tell you to go to Mr. Schue but I know you won't want to. I'll take care of it though. Thanks for telling me. Don't keep these things to yourselves. How is Rachel?"

"The usual. I think it scared her though, hearing her friends talk about how they wanted to kill themselves..."

"But how is she now?"

"Okay. I'll make sure she is fine during school today."

"Marley... I love you. You are a great kid. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise."

"I love you too. I have to go, Rachel needs to get out of the bathroom so I can get ready. She is the reason we are always late!"

"Okay. Bye." She heard the click of the phone and slowly pulled herself off of her bed.

Rachel walked back into their bedroom, pulling on her clothes for today. She had a headache, her chest ached in nervousness, and she just felt plain sick. She felt a loss of control. No matter what she did, the people she cared about got hurt. It was very evident that she was ruining everyone around her. She didn't know what to do anymore, about any of it.

She knew she shouldn't have, but then she did, pulling the blade slowly across her skin, not deep enough to kill her, but deep enough for her to feel control.


	20. You're Gonna Be Pop-u-lar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers, if you're still there... it has been a while... more than six months. As much as I love this story because it is ridiculously close to my heart, I have been struggling to tell the story.
> 
> I will try to do it justice, but please don't bash on me. Constructive criticism is one thing, but swearing at me in reviews is just rude.
> 
> Chapter 19 is no longer canon! Nothing in that chapter will be mentioned again. Rachel didn't talk to Lucy and Frannie, and she didn't cut herself either.

Rachel quietly made her way through Wednesday and Thursday. Her excitement over the trip to New York had diminished as she realized that the note that had shown up in her locker meant she would have to disappear while they were in New York. It wouldn't be hard right? There were so many people in that city that never sleeps... that must have been why they call it that.

At this point Rachel felt no control over anything in her life. She felt like everyone she cared about was either getting hurt or falling to pieces because of her.

"Rach... you need to finish packing your side of the suitcase." Marley grunted Thursday night. Marley had put her stuff in on Monday and had left the suitcase sitting on the floor.

Rachel took a deep breath and slowly moved over to the closet and grabbed a heap of clothing and threw it into the suitcase without bothering to fold it and then zipped it up.

"There. All done." She said sweeping her hands together as if to mock her cousin, who simply rolled her eyes.

"Are you okay? You've been acting weird all week..."

"I'm fine, okay? Just leave me alone!" Rachel snapped.

"Rachel..." Marley was about to say something rude until she stopped, realizing her cousin would start crying if she said anything. "I am going to go see if Jesse needs help packing the guitars..." She walked out of the room, slowly closing the door behind her. Rachel threw herself across the bed and closed her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Her father's head appeared in the doorway. Rachel just looked at him. "Ignoring me isn't going to help you honey. Please talk to me." Her father begged, slowly closing the space between them.

"I miss Mom." Rachel said flatly. That was not a lie. She did miss her mom and it hurt her that she was not around. And she felt like she should have told her mom what had happened with the note, but the note specifically said they would kill her mother if she said anything to anyone, so she was going to keep her mouth shut, to keep her mother safe.

"Rachel! We are going to New York City! You get to see your mom and the greatest city in the world all at once! What's not great about that?"

"Mom has to work while we are there... she won't have time for me."

"Rachel you seem to have forgotten that you and your siblings are more important to her than any job. She is devoting her week to spend time with you."

"I don't know... I am not the greatest fan of small spaces... and sitting between Marley and Jonathan for nine hours does not appeal to me."

"It will be a lot of fun. Think of it as bonding time with your family. That is one of the greatest things you will ever have." He gave her a pat on the shoulder before leaving her in her own solitude. "And besides..." His head slowly reappeared on the other side of the door, "One day more! Another day another destiny! This never ending road to cavalry-"

"I did not live until today..." She heard her brother Jesse sing from the hallway. She giggled. Her family would be great at Carpool Karaoke! Maybe she should convince them to start recording their performances, they could become YouTube famous! Not to mention their mom was kind of already famous...

She sighed. She was irritated because it looked like she would not get to say goodbye to Lucy. She wanted to thank her for being Rachel's first friend and for always being around. She hadn't seen Lucy in school in a while, and was genuinely concerned. She glared at the crumbled paper where she had scribbled out everything about how she felt the night before when her cousin was asleep. She sighed, grabbing her notebook to start a new note.

Dear Lucy,

I just wanted to thank you for being my first friend. You are my person, just like Cristina is Meredith's. Despite everyone hating me, you still were willing to be my first friend. I want you to know something. I know you think that you are fat and that is why no one wants to be your friend. That is a lie. It does not matter whether you are gay, straight, white, black, skinny, fat, short, tall. People will always have a reason to judge you and that is human nature. However, your personality is what people should see. You are the nicest, most caring person I have met. You have to make them see that, because you shouldn't have to change yourself to meet other's expectations. I don't know if I'll ever see you again, and if I don't, just know that I love you.

Love, Rachel Berry

After sticking a golden star next to her name, Rachel folded the piece of paper as small as it would go before sticking it inside her math textbook. She would stick it into Lucy's locker before she left school for New York the next day.

-

Santana almost seemed too eager to see Rachel go. She was trying to figure out how to write Rachel out of their trio. The problem was, writing Rachel out also meant writing Marley out.

"Are you sure that you have to go? You can crash at my place for the week! Who cares about NYC?" Santana begged Marley. She adored Marley. She wanted Marley around. And as much as Marley insisted that Rachel stay with them, Santana could not be forced to accept Rachel. She just had to tolerate her.

"You do. Otherwise you wouldn't be saying it. You're jealous, aren't you?" Rachel spoke up from her place in the corner, where she was purposely isolating herself from Marley and Santana. She stared at the open notebook, namely a blank page, in front of her.

Words words words!

How did her family do this so intensely? The only thing running through her head was the fact that she was going to have to leave her family. She was pretty sure that was not the best approach to take on the song. Plus, it would give too much away.

She loved her father so, so, much. She loved her mother even more. Words could not describe how much she loved her mother. Her mother was the reason to she was walking the planet, not just because she gave birth to her, but because she had saved her. Her mother had saved her from another seven years of pain. She would have never felt loved. She would have never been able to have brothers, an almost sister, and two beautiful parents.

Those two beautiful parents would never see her again.

And she would never see them.

Shaking the thought out of her head, she went back to her original thoughts. Her parents had saved her. They were her superheroes...

Superheroes! She could start with that!

"I am not jealous! New York is full of trash. The only thing you will be able to smell is trash. And once you're there, there will be another eighty pounds of-"

"Santana!" Marley growled.

Santana looked taken aback. "I'm sorry. But you'll be gone for a whole week. I really don't want to do this alone." Santana tilted her head, and her lips formed a pout.

"Then do it with Brittany. She is your best friend and has been since you were all in diapers." Marley pointed out, trying to be a voice of reason to the demanding Latina. She wasn't much for people who pouted without good reason. She had seen enough to know what allowed for pouting. This was not one of those times.

"She's been hanging out with wheelchair boy a lot. No offense, I just want it to be like old times, just me and Britt." Santana said, slumping against the wall.

"What about at cheer? That is just you and her."

"About that... she's been teaching Lucy gymnastics because Lucy wants to try out for the squad next year. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against her personality... but.."

"But what?" Marley and Santana both jumped as Rachel stomped over to them, not caring if they were loud. "Is it because she's a little heavy that she isn't good enough for you? She is good enough to do anything that she puts her mind to! I used to think that I was restricted because of who I was, but I am not. My parents taught me-"

That was it!

THAT WAS IT!

"AHA!" She squealed, turning around and going back to her journal. Marley and Santana both looked a little confused.

"What was the AHA moment, Rach?" Marley was not sure if her baby cousin was alright. She had been ridiculously grumpy these last few days, and Marley had yet to figure out why. It concerned her. She was not sure if Rachel was indeed mentally stable. She was making progress, yes, but...

"I have an idea for a song. I want to write it for Mom and Dad."

"Yeah, your mom and dad." Lucy nodded. "Is Jesse helping you with cords?"

"I was going to mess around with it first. Get a chorus, some verses..."

"Wow. You really are your father's daughter. Is that what has been bugging you recently? That you couldn't figure out where to start on your song?"

Rachel looked up at her cousin. Marley noticed there was a ting of sadness screaming through the big browns. Rachel blinked and looked back down at her sheet. "Yeah. I just really wanted to have it done for when we were in New York and I didn't know where to start."

"Why didn't you ask me for help? I know a little bit about songwriting..." Marley felt a tad offended. Why was her cousin shutting her out? After all they had been through? There was something else though; Marley could sense it. And she was going to figure it out.

"It wouldn't have been my song if you had helped me. I really wanted to do it all on my own, ya know?"

Marley nodded. "That makes sense. I'll, uh, be with Santana if you need me."

Rachel nodded. "Okay. I gotta pee anyways."

Rachel grabbed the note she had written Lucy and crushed it in her palm. She was going to put it in her locker, yes, but something was now bothering Rachel. Rachel didn't know that Lucy was going to join the cheer squad. Why wasn't she informed? Was Lucy actually in school and just ignoring Rachel because being with Rachel was considered a contagious disease?

She did her business in the restroom before walking into the sixth grade hallway. She walked all the way down the hall to Lucy's locker, standing in front of it. Who's idea was it to put a stupid Charlie Brown sticking with her name on it right smack dab in the middle of it? Must have been the homeroom teacher...

"There isn't much in there for you to steal." Rachel turned around. Who was that blonde standing in front of her? Rachel tilted her head in confusion.

"It's me Rach, it's Lucy." Taking a cautious step forward, Rachel peered her eyes. Lucy's hair was now blonde, and her nose looked... different. No more glasses... her stomach seemed to shrink a lot, but there was still a little bit of chub.

"What did you do to yourself?"

"I... changed. Rachel. I just didn't want to be Lucy Caboosey anymore. I wanted to be able to walk through these halls and feel good about myself. And have friends."

"You have me. I didn't need you to change your hair and get a stupid nose job. You were fine the way you were!" Rachel felt like someone had punched her hard in the stomach. Lucy was her first friend. She was standing there like an idiot, ready to pour out her feelings in a crumbled piece of notebook paper, and Lucy was telling her they were done.

"I know I do. You were the reason I did this. I used to think that I would never have friends no matter what I did. Being with you made me realize that there was nothing wrong with my personality. It was my appearance."

"Did you realize how stupid you sound right now? It didn't matter whether you were on cheer squad or how much you weighed! It mattered how much you wanted to be nice to me and be my first friend!"

"I am so sorry, Rachel."

"You don't get to be sorry. Just don't break any more hearts. You've already broken mine." Rachel threw the crumpled piece of paper into the trash and stormed down the hallway. Lucy frowned, picking up the piece of paper and unfolding it. Now she felt bad. She would make it up to Rachel, just not now, because it was too soon.

-

Rachel found herself storming into her mother's classroom. She was surprised that when she had angrily grabbed the door, it didn't stick. It opened wide. The nasty sub was nowhere to be found. She stalked across the room over to the desk, and sat down in her chair. She saw the framed picture that was taken at Thanksgiving sitting next to her sticky note dispenser.

Her father sat in the middle, surrounded by her three brothers. Her mother leaned over her father's shoulder from behind him, one arm around Rachel and one around Marley. Her family was so beautiful. Rachel saw the happiness in her own face. It was one that she had never seen before in any other picture of herself. Next to that frame was one from the Glee Club's first invite, the one that they had lost miserably. And next to that...

The picture.

It was the picture.

"When was this?" Her mother asked, picking up the picture from the stack I had gathered from my room. I hurriedly shoved multiple things into my bag. I wanted to be out of the stupid Berry home as soon as possible. Looking up at my mother, those feelings of anxiety pitting in my stomach dissipated. I was safe! My so called parents would not be caught dead walking through those doors!

"It was that first invite! Remember that one time when you practically had to drag me to the bus because I screwed up and didn't want to come home?" I had laughed, looking at my mother, standing on the other side of the counter island.

"You were so embarrassed!" Her mother had giggled. "When did Lucy take this?"

"Lucy is really good at taking these without the people knowing."

"Maybe she is the secret agent then! Taking secret pictures!" Her mother had sighed and had looked at me seriously. "Are you ready to say goodbye, to this life?"

I put the bag on her shoulder. "I already have."

When had her mother taken this picture from her? It had been sitting in her room among the clutter of both Marley and Rachel trying to get situated in the room.

Rachel felt so alone. Lucy had abandoned her, Marley had abandoned her, and as much as she felt bad saying it, her mother had in a way abandoned her as well. It was not her fault. It was not her fault. How many times had she told herself that?

She took a deep breath, snuggling into the chair. This chair had been her mother's since she had started teaching there, ten years ago. She had become a teacher because she wanted to help kids...

It might have just been her, but she could smell her mother's perfume in the cloth of the chair. She looked at the picture of her mother and her again, and just had the urging to hug it to her chest.Her head rested on her mother's shoulder, sitting on a bus ride.

Later that day, Rachel had been thrown down a flight of stairs.

Once doing that, she realized how thick the frame was where the picture was placed. She opened the frame, to find an envelope labeled To my baby girl.

Dear Rachel,

If you found this envelope it means you were probably sitting in my classroom, in my chair, missing me. You're probably sad and confused. I know you. I know that you feel alone. But you are so so not alone. To lead a healthy life, you need to look at the present and identify the good that you see, both in the people you're around as well as the experiences you have. You have learned to trust me so you can learn to trust others as well. We are a family. We will get through all of it as a family. You might think that I am not here for you right now because I am in a New York State (of Mind), but that is not true. I will always be there for you. Whether I am right next to you or on the other side of the globe. I am always a call away.

I know it seems that everyone has a "perfect" life but it truly is just the way it seems. All human lives have their ups and downs and yes, unfortunately some more than others. What's important to know is that we will get through it! (A favorite quote of mine) "If you want to see the sunshine, you have to weather the storm." It won't be easy but that's what family and friends are for. Everyone needs support when they are weathering a storm and you have plenty. My hope for you is to continue reaching out to those you can trust (your family, mainly) as well as find more supports in every new chapter of your life.

You are an exceptionally gifted young lady. I know you are going to succeed in every aspect of your life. I am so proud to be able to call myself your mother. I hope that I get to see all the wonderful things you accomplish! And remember what Dory says, "just keep swimming."

Love, Shelby

In parentheses, she had written Mom. How long ago had she written this letter? How long had she known she was leaving?

"Paging Rachel Berry down to the office." The office lady's voice boomed through the speaker system. Rachel jumped from her own thoughts.

She had a song to write.

She had a plan to form.

And most of all, she had a place to be.

Watch out, NYC.


	21. One Day More

"Did you get everything?" Tim asked Jesse, as the two of them stared at the open trunk of their truck. They were going to drive all night, and expected to get into New York around midnight. They could have left earlier that morning, but Jesse insisted on going to school to take his physics test.

"I did." His son replied, eyeballing the guitars, suitcases, and backpacks that lined the trunk. Jonathan limped over with a grin, pushing his video game system into the last piece of space.

"Girls!" Tim screamed, "It's time to get a move on!" The two girls hustled through the screen door leading into the garage. They seemed to be bickering. "Not again." The men all mentally face-palmed. "What could it be this time?"

"Rachel I don't care! I am not sitting in the middle!"

Rachel growled. She would win this fight. She had cards that she could use. "I'm a traumatized child! I will get claustrophobic in the middle!"

Marley rolled her eyes. "That's just an excuse! You sat in the middle on the bus!"

"That was a ten minute drive! Not ten hours!"

"Girls!" Tim raised his voice, and they both stopped to look at him. "You'll take turns. If Rachel actually" he coughed, "gets uncomfortable, then we will figure it out. Okay?" He winked at Marley and glared jokingly at his daughter.

"Fine." Rachel growled.

...

They'd been in the car for thirty minutes. Driving on the highway towards New York State, Rachel sat in their Suburban, mushed between Jesse and Marley. She had felt a bit claustrophobic at first, but that had soon diminished as soon as Tim had plugged into his aux cord. James was in the front, and Jonathan had his legs spread out in the third row next to the luggage. Tim took a deep breath, eyeballing his children in the rear view.

"I really feel like we can't have this many descendants of a Broadway legend in a car, and not do this song. Are you guys going to come with me on this?"

"Yes." They all agreed, too excitedly for anyone who didn't know the family.

"I'm ready for this journey." Jesse marveled.

"After all, it's just one song more!" Tim finished.

"Ahhh," they all, minus Jonathan, sighed in realization. They all knew it was a reference to the Tony's Carpool Karaoke, the greatest thing ever invented.

"One day more, another day, another destiny... this never ending road to cavalry. These men who seem to know my crime will surely come a second time, one day more..." James started.

"I did not live until today. How can I live when we are parted?" Jesse dramatized, gazing out the window dramatically.

"Tomorrow we'll be worlds away! And yet with you, my world has started." Marley sang, hitting the note nice and clear.

"One more day all on my own..." Rachel sighed, being the odd one out- in between them.

"Will we ever meet again?" Jesse and Marley said, reaching over Rachel to grasp their hands together.

"One more day with him not caring!"

"I was born to be with you!"

"-at the life I might have known."

"And I swear, I will be true..."

"But he never saw me there!"

"One more day before the storm!"

They sang the rest of the song, which you probably should already know, whether or not you considered yourself a thespian. Rachel couldn't wipe the smile off of her face. With all of the drastic plans that she had been forming, she couldn't shake this feeling. This amazing, beautiful, happy feeling. She loved them. And they loved her. It was something so magical, this feeling of family.

When she was little, her parents liked to tell her how insignificant and unimportant she was. She was a waste of space and a waste of oxygen that could have gone to someone else. She had originally doubted these things, but over time she had started believing them for herself. All of her life, Rachel had felt insignificant. She had always dreamed of being able to do something so amazing- write a musical, win a Tony, belt a note so high for so long that people would remember her two hundred years down the line- that she never considered how magical having a family that cared about her was.

When she was in the fifth grade, her English teacher had her class do an activity. He put a list of thirty five names on his overhead, and the students had to decide whether or not these names belonged to US presidents. The lesson was that no matter how important we are in that moment, we will not be remembered in 100 years. That was a belief people used to carry around. We as humans are so insignificant that no matter what we do, we won't be remembered. As children, as the future generation, we wonder if we will ever make a breakthrough. Find the cure to cancer. Do something so crazy that we will be remembered down the line. The question is: what do we do? what do we become? Then again, maybe her English teacher wasn't the smartest guy on the planet. Maybe he was wrong.

Rachel's AHA moment occurred right then and there.

Sure, we may be insignificant to people down the line in history, but what does that matter? What matters is that we make ourselves significant to those around us. Because whether or not we care to admit it, we matter to our family and our friends. And they matter to us. It's something that no matter how hard you try, you cannot fight. It's our nature. To love and be loved. Even if you don't see it. It's the little things: Telling them to be safe, to come home, to wear a seat belt, congratulating them, hugging them. Telling them those words: You matter, you're real, you're loved, I love you. You're significant.

"You're loved, Rachel."

"You matter, Rachel."

God, she loved them so much.

That made it all the more reason that she needed to do it. She loved them so much, and she was not going to let them get hurt.

"Guys..." she started. James turned around, out of concern, and Jesse put his hand on her arm. They seemed scared. Did they expect her to have a panic attack and jump out of the window?

"I, uh, just wanted to tell you how much I love you. All of you. I never knew what family was like before meeting all of you. You showed me what family was, you showed me what unconditional love was. And I just... thank you so much."

"Aww baby sis!" Jesse squealed, wrapping an arm around her and squeezing her, much to her discomfort. "I love you!"

"Ditto." Jonathan said, without moving from his comfortable position in the back.

"Finding you was the greatest thing that ever happened to me." Tim said, jumping into the conversation. "I mean, the birth of the first three rugrats was alright, I guess, but losing you left a hole in all of us. Finding you, that was the only way to fill the hole."

"I love you dad." Rachel said in response, not stopping to think about it. It surprised her. She wasn't afraid to tell them how she felt anymore. They were never, ever going to hurt her.

But she was going to hurt them.

This supposed hole her disappearance as a baby had created was going to come back. It would reappear once she was gone once more, and would take over as soon as they found out that she was dead. She knew that they would be sad, but at least they would still be alive. They would soon forget she was ever a member of the family. It was short lived, anyways.

"Well, this got really mushy." Marley cut in. "It was really nice, but can we listen to something cool, like... more OBC soundtracks?"

Jesse grabbed the bag at his feet and threw it at his cousin. "You better not pick the Human Pie Man."

"But I love the human pie man!" Marley argued back. "It's one of my favorites!"

"I don't care! Put something more traditional Broadw-!"

"She Loves Me-!"

"- is not traditional Broadway. You want something traditional? Sound of Music is traditional, Phantom of the Opera is-"

Rachel closed her eyes. As much as she wanted to absorb as much time with them as she could, she was exhausted. Devising plans like these took a toll on you. So, she closed her eyes. The last thing she heard before falling asleep was the sound of Jesse screaming at Marley to put that cd back where it came from or so help him.

-

Rachel was soon being shook awake by her brother. In her sleep, she had completely leaned against him and turned him into a pillow. He hadn't had a problem with it, putting his arm around her and using his other hand to scribble down words onto the notebook balanced on his knee.

"I thought you might want to see this part. It's kind of important to the experience... or so I've heard. This is my first time in the big city too. Mom and Dad never felt happy enough to do, I guess." He whispered. "Look outside."

Raising her eyebrows, she looked around. They were on a highway. And in front of them was even more highway. Then she saw it. In the distance. There it was. A wide display of what appeared to be little sticks but were really skyscrapers from the biggest city in the world. She couldn't help but smile. A big pit had formed in her stomach. She couldn't remember how long she had dreamed of being able to go to New York City. She was finally there.

"Aux cord." Jesse demanded, and James tossed it at him. He plugged in his phone with a satisfied smirk.

Start spreadin' the news

I'm leavin' today

I want to be a part of it- New York, New York

Rachel's smile grew wider and wider. She felt her cheeks protest in pain. Was it possible for someone to be this happy?

Then it hit her... nothing lasts forever.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls..." Tim suddenly spoke up from the front seat. "Fasten your seatbelts and turn in your traytables. We are approaching the Holland Tunnel. The Holland Tunnel was built..."

"Kay Dad, we get it." James cut him off. "Pretty tunnel with lights."

"You ruin all the fun, son. I spent a whole five minutes reading the first two paragraphs of the wikipedia page."

"Sorry to ruin the fun Dad."

"Weeeee!" Rachel cut them off. "This is so fun!"

It went faster than was to be expected. Rachel supposed this whole experience would work that way. It would be over as soon as it had started. She didn't know where she would end up. Nobody knows where they might end up. She had to enjoy whatever time she had left with her family.

"Can we go to Times Square?" Rachel bud in once they had gotten out of the tunnel. Marley, peacefully asleep, jumped at the loud noise. She had attempted to ignore all of the noise, but they all had lungs that were way too powerful.

"We will tomorrow, hun." Her father responded.

"Can we go now? I know it's late, but I have waited for this moment for my whole life. I can't wait any longer." Rachel squealed. She needed to make sure she saw it before something else got in the way.

"Yeah Dad, let's go. I'll walk around with her if you don't want to." Jesse bud in. Rachel grinned at him eagerly. Words could not describe her love for her big brother.

"Alright alright."

Rachel was giddy. She could barely stop bouncing.

They drove for another hour (the traffic was really bad) into Manhattan. Rachel almost jumped out of the car before Tim could even pull over, so they could get out. She stepped over Marley and through the door, running across the street until she was standing there.

She was standing there.

She was standing in the middle of Times Square. She had to spin around multiple times to make sure that she wasn't dreaming. She was actually here. She was in the greatest city in the world.

"Rachel!" Jesse called, running after her. "You gave Dad a heart attack. He thought you were going to get hit by a bus or something. I know you're excited, but you need to be careful."

"How can I be careful?" She asked, turning to him. "How can I pay attention to what is around me when there is so much to see? Let me rephrase that," she mumbled. "The lights, they're all around. I could be looking up and just admiring the view. There is a reason that people come here. It's because this place is magical. I am sorry I wasn't paying attention. It's just that I have been waiting for this moment for my whole life. I couldn't wait another minute. I finally have everything I ever wanted. I have a family, and I feel like I am meant to be here. Meant to be a part of you for as long as I can. As long it's possible."

Jesse furrowed his brow. "When wouldn't it be possible?"

Rachel coughed. "You know, someone will die, someone will walk away. It happens. It's a part of life. I just want to appreciate what I have while I have it?"

Jesse inched closer to her. "You're still afraid? After all of this time, you're still afraid that we're going to leave you?"

Rachel shook her head furiously. "No. Not at all." That's the opposite of what she was trying to say. She was the one who was going to leave. She was going to break that family apart. She was going to be the one to walk away. "I'm just afraid that this happy ending won't last forever."

Jesse cleared his throat. He grabbed Rachel gently by the arm and led her to the steps, where he pulled her down, so that they were sitting together, with a beautiful view of the infamous display in front of them. Jesse opened his notebook, clearing his throat once again to read hjs scribbled blue words. "Everyone dreams of their happy ending. They dream of the white picket fence, the dog barking, the kids running around the house making enough noise to wake you up. They dream of waking up to see their Prince Charming asleep next to them. However, when their plans fail, they doubt their happy ending will ever come. They'll end up alone. They'll end up unhappy. What they fail to realize is that a happy ending is a happy ending and not just a happy chapter. The ending is what you're left with. It's the final chapter. What's said in those last pages is what is left with the reader. Those pages are eternal. The pages in the middle, those are the unhappy ones. Those are the ones that make you cry. Someone dies. Someone walks away. Someone does something they later regret. We are all characters in our own stories. The difference is, we control the ending. We control where we end up. It also depends on where you chose to end the story. This moment, right now, might be your happy ending. It might not be. You get to choose your own ending. You get to choose where you end, with whom you end up. You wrote the story. You write the ending." he slammed his notebook with a look of satisfaction.

"You have to be kidding me, Jess. That was like an Tony acceptance speech."

Jesse laughed. "I want to make it into a song, of course. I just need the right way."

"Do you think that I've reached my happy ending?" The young girl asked her brother.

Jesse wrapped an arm around his sister, who he noticed had been minimally shivering. "I don't know, Rach. You said you feel happy, and you feel complete. I think so. But like I said, you are the writer of your own story. It's not me, it's not mom. We're just the side characters that help you out."

A part of Rachel felt that that was the moment for her to agree in complete diva fashion. That she was the best and that she deserved the best. It was what she had always wanted to do. She wanted to be a star. She wanted to feel like a star.

She just snuggled closer into her brother.

...

Shelby had just finished her curtain call of her second show and collapsed into her dressing room chair. She knew her family was here in the city, and she was beyond excited to see all of them, but she just wanted to go sleep. And see them.

She needed to see them before she fell asleep.

The sound of her phone ringing caused her to jump awake. She grinned when she saw who it was. "Hey stranger." She greeted. "Heard you're in town. I'd love to get together."

She could almost see her husband grinning on the other side of the phone, "sounds like a promising bargain. I'd love to participate."

"Shelby! Are you doing stage door?" Her Joanne called from the hallway. "I think you should come! It'll be fun!"

"I'm coming!" She replied, before putting her phone back to her ear. "So where are you? Do you have everything to get settled in at the hotel?" She asked, getting up from her chair.

"Everything is fine, I am just waiting for Rachel and Jesse to come back. They needed to see Times Square now. Apparently their parents tortured them, making them wait all their life."

Shelby let out a laugh. "Can you blame them?" She finished putting on her other shoe, adjusting them onto her feet. "I have to go do stage door, but I will be in the hotel room in less than an hour. The whole family will be together again." She grinned, putting her phone down on her dressing table and walking out into the hallway to join the rest of the cast.

...

"Jesse." She let out after the two of them had been sitting in silence, admiring the view. "I love you. I love you so much."

Before Jesse could even respond, the young girl broke into a run. He stood up, immediately following after her, but she was too fast. She darted through the traffic, down the sidewalk. Jesse trudged behind, going as fast as he could. He swore he wouldn't lose her. But she was so far ahead, and so very fast...

And on the other side of the street, stood a smiling Shelby Corcoran. She signed autographs, took pictures with her fans, and couldn't wipe the smile off of her face. Her family was going to be together again. What could be greater than that?

And, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a little blob racing down the street, as fast as she could. She looked like she was running away from something. Shelby did a double take; she needed her brain to stop telling her that her daughter was not safe. She knew Rach was safe.

Shelby just hoped that little girl, whoever she was, would get away from the monsters.


	22. Down Once More

Jesse didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to react. His sister was running. For reasons he didn't know or could not explain, his little sister felt the need to run away from him and from their family. He was completely baffled by this, standing on the sidewalk of a New York City street.

He was slow to react, pulling out his phone from his pocket and dialing his older brother. He couldn't call his father, since he was driving and would put it on speaker phone, and he couldn't call Marley or Jonathan because they would freak out.

"Where did you go?" James asked upon answering the phone. "We don't see you guys anywhere."

"James." He panted into the phone. "I'm going to tell you something, and I need you to not freak out."

His older brother could sense the tension in his voice because he coughed, clearing his throat. "Yeah, what man?" He said into the phone, trying to keep it casual for the other listeners in the car. Jonathan had one earbud in, and Marley was spacing out, but that was bound to change in the near future.

"Rachel ran off. She took off in a sprint. And I lost her. I'm standing in front of Mom's theatre. She ran right past it."

There was a brief silence on the other side of the line that was soon followed by James's breathing. "You should go find her, and I will stick with Dad."

"Mom'll freak out, though." Jesse immediately replied, thinking of the times when he had seen his mother upset. So many times had he, as a young child, walked into a room to find his mother staring into the space, or crying silently. He would always ask her what was wrong, and she would always respond that it was nothing. But it was never nothing. If they lost Rachel, if god forbid that something happened to Rachel, then what would they do with themselves? What would Jesse do? This was all his fault...

"Why would she run, though? That doesn't make sense." James seemed to be saying, although Jesse was only half listening by that point. He muttered something along the lines of 'I'm going to see Mom.' before ending the call

Jesse ran across the street, avoiding oncoming traffic, towards the stage door. The crowds were crazy, pestering the actors. If it had been any other time, Jesse would probably be fan-girling madly. He spotted his mother smiling at a younger fan and taking a selfie with them. He tried to cross the gate, but security stopped him.

"That's my mother!" Jesse screamed as a big burly man held him back.

"Yeah, heard that one before." he chuckled, as Shelby and the others made their way back into the theater.

"Mom!" Jesse screamed. Shelby immediately turned around at the sound of her son's voice. She spotted him in the grasp of the man and said to put him down. "Told you she was my mother." He muttered, fixing his shirt. His mother, on the hand, immediately ran over to him.

"Jesse! What are you doing here?" She was clearly surprised by his appearance, as he looked winded. He panted, not being able to make out the words. She ushered him inside and into her dressing room. "Are you alright?"

At that exact moment, Jesse's father busted through the door. He looked mildly shocked. The two men exchanged eye contact, and Shelby's eyes darted from her husband to her son, not understanding what the two of them were communicating.

"Will someone please tell me what is going on?" Shelby growled.

"She doesn't know?" Tim questioned. Jesse shook his head.

"I don't know what?" She screamed.

"Rachel is gone." Jesse spit out before turning his head away from his mother in shame. "She started running... and I couldn't stay with her."

"What?" Shelby let out. "Do you think this is funny?" She looked from one to another. "After all that we've been through you think that this is appropriate? I raised you better than this."

"Shel, he's telling the truth. We haven't seen in her in little over twenty minutes. She has no phone, and she has no idea where she's going, or at least that's what we think."

"Have you called the police?"

"Not yet."

Shelby, still in shock over the situation at hand, sat down in one of her chairs. She stared down at the floor. Tim eyeballed his wife's phone sitting on the dressing room table and picked it up, using the emergency dial. He spoke to the dispatch, but Shelby couldn't hear him. She couldn't pay attention. How did she lose her child for a second time? How did they keep getting into this exact situation?

Why couldn't they be happy?

...

Marley and Jonathan had been sitting in the car with the heat on for as long as Tim had been in the theater. They had noticed the minimal whispering and the sudden urge to park in a staff spot (Corcoran permitted parking passes apply). James got out of the car as soon as he saw that his father had disappeared into the building. That left the second and third youngest staring at each other. They always seemed to be the last two in the loop.

Jonathan didn't really care though, seeing as he was still playing on his portable video game machinery. Marley was humming, trying to figure out what was going on. She wasn't surprised that she wasn't in the loop, what she didn't understand was why Jonathan wasn't in the loop. He was a member of this family, was he not? Was he too young?

"Do you think it's something serious?" Marley pondered out loud, hoping she would get some sort of response from her cousin that would indicate that she was no longer alone.

"Who knows... and who cares? Marley, it's always something with them. And whatever it is, it always resolves itself in the end."

Marley shook her head, realizing that he would need to look up in order to see that. "I don't think so. Did you see your father's face? Something is very wrong. And James knows what it is and he won't tell us. I don't even know where he went..."

"Marley, play some music. Sing something. Relax." Jonathan continued. Marley let out a breath, looking out the window. It was almost midnight, and New York was desolate apart from the lights that showered the sides of buildings.

She just hoped she would get to experience it.

...

Rachel ran and ran and ran. She ran for as long as she could, ignoring the pain in her throat and in her stomach. If she hadn't been running for her life, she supposed she might had considered it a calling to join the cross country team at school.

She didn't know what she was going to do with herself. She didn't have a plan. It just came over her that she needed to start running at that exact moment for reasons that at the time seemed legit. They still seemed legit at this point in time as well.

For all of her life, she had wanted a mother. It was all she had ever wanted since day one. So once she got one, her dream came true. She gotten her dream. But one note had threatened that person that had changed her life. And Rachel knew that she could not look her mother in the eye without telling her everything. So she had to leave before she saw her mother.

Maybe that was selfish, trying to save herself from that pain. Maybe that would cause her mother more pain than it would have had she gotten the chance to give her mother a hug and tell her that she loved her. 

Rachel didn't know; all she knew was that she had run away and could never go back.

But where did she go from there? Where did she go in a crazy big city where there were scary homeless people on every corner? Where did she go? What would she become? Would she even live long enough to make the decision?

She continued walking down the dark desolate streets, hoping that no cars would see her and stop her. She didn't know what she would say. 

"The sun'll come out, tomorrow..." she whispered. "Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow... there'll be sun..."

...

"Ma'am, you need to calm down. The NYPD is doing everything they can to find your daughter. You need to let them do their jobs. Don't take this into your own hands."

"What does that even mean?" Shelby screamed at the cop. "You've been standing her not finding my daughter!"

The cop took a deep breath. "I kniw you're upset-"

"You're damn right I'm upset! My daughter is missing. She's out there in the cold, all alone, and..."

Shelby put her head in her hands.

...

It had been a restless night. Of course it had. Shelby and Tim had sat in Shelby's waiting room all night, talking to cops that they felt were not helping much with the situation. Jesse and James had taken Jonathan and Marley to their hotel room, and they themselves had sat awake, unable to move, unable to think. The four of them laid in the living room, Marley laying on the couch with a bed sheet thrown over her, Jonathan in the lounge chair, and Jesse and James on the floor, with bed sheets stolen off of the bedroom beds. They figured they all wanted to be together at this point in time. It wasn't as if they were unsafe, but they wanted the proximity to feel just a little more comfortable with their parents and sibling gone.

The two of them had laid there, occasionally turning to look at each other. They had so many thoughts to process, to let flow through their minds, that they could not speak. It was Jesse that broke the silence first.

"If they don't find her, Mom is going to be a mess again. I mean, she'll be there for us, but she won't be there for us. She'll be detached. Part of me feels like for a while there we did have the detached mother. It wasn't her fault though. She did the best she could to move on with her life." He swallowed hardly. "But this, this will break her. It'll break her all over again, and we'll be left to pick up the pieces."

James turned to look at his younger brother. "She did this for some reason in her mind. Some justifiable reason. She wouldn't walk away if there wasn't something telling her to."

"But what? She was finally happy. Were you not there when she said she loved us? Coming from her, coming from a child with severe abandonment issues and abuse, that's all you can hope for. She wasn't running away from us, she was running away from something else."

James was about to answer when another two voices decided to join the mix. Jonathan let out a cough, and Marley cleared her throat, as if to declare her presence. "So, um..." she started. "What do we do to help our- your- parents?" She left out the part that required the most saying. Rachel had again ruined something for her. This trip was probably the one time she would get to go to New York. She wouldn't be able to afford it otherwise. Her aunt didn't deserve this grief. She deserved so much better.

"We do what we can. We'll help them look. We will get through this like a family. This is what families do. They support each other and stick together, no matter what drama, hardship comes our way."

"Is this the part where we all hug?" Jonathan growled. He was not too happy with the situation at hand. He missed Rach, yes, but seeing his mom like that again... he couldn't do it again.

"Yes of course!" Jesse exclaimed, and the four of them mushed together into Jonathan, much to his (fake) dismay.

...

Rachel woke up to the sound of the trash cans she had been hiding behind being clanged. Loudly. She got up slowly, realizing she had no method of self protection against whatever it was that was going to attack her from inside that trash can.

She needed something to protect herself. Did she need to protect herself? Was it even worth it at that point? She was in the streets, her jeans and hoodie were a mess, and her hair was sticking up in a million different directions. 

It took her a second to remember why she had done this. She was so stupid! She wanted to smack herself; she had given up the best family she had ever had. Why would she do that?

Because they threatened to kill her...

She held her breath, whoever it was was going to show themselves at any second. 

...

She was not expecting that.

In front of her stood a girl no older than thirteen years old. Her hair was braided in a million different braids, probably to keep her hair out of her face, and she was wearing a faded black hoodie, ripped jeans, and combat boats. Her face was stern, yet at the sight of Rachel, her figures softened. Her stern facial expression turned into a laugh. She was laughing at Rachel!

"What are you laughing at?" Rachel snapped, no longer afraid of this mystery attacker.

The girl didn't stop. "Your hair! Your clothes! Are you like, a rich kid, who ran away from Mommy and Daddy because they weren't letting you date your poorer lower level boyfriend? I mean, you look young, but you also look so clueless as to how life on the streets works. Even when I started, I never hid behind trash cans..."

Rachel stepped out of her hiding space, standing in the alley in front of the girl. She wanted to look tough, but at the mention of her Mommy and Daddy her breath took a hitch.

"I ran away because there were people threatening... my family. And I had to leave to protect them. I'm not a rich kid; I grew up in an abusive home with people who stole me from my family." She defended herself. Part of her thought it was weird that she was sharing all of this personal information with this girl when the girl didn't even know her name, and she didn't know Rachel's. Was this girl going to help her out?

The girl nodded in approval. "I have to say, I've never heard that one before. I liked the rich kid story better. It made me pity you less."

Rachel was slightly offended, but chose to ignore it in spite of this girl probably being her only option to surviving on the streets. "Who are you?"

"I'm Liv." The girl shook out her slightly dirty hand. "Judging by the look on your face, you're scared out of your mind, right? I have one question for you: who are you?"

"Rachel Berry," the eleven year old muttered.

"No, no, that's who you were. If you want to do this, if you want to live on the streets, you can't belong to anyone. You have to belong to yourself. That name was given to you by someone. As long as you carry it around, you'll never be your own person. My old name was given to me by someone who I never want to think about again. So now I'm Liv. Who do you want to be?"

Rachel thought about it. How did she get here? How did this happen? How did she end up in the position to change her name and forget her old life? How did she manage to find someone willing to help her do it?

"Juliette," She muttered.

"That's a weird name. I don't really like it. How about... Trash Can?"

"Seriously?" Rachel bit, "What kind of a name is trash can? I have more self respect than that."

"Well, now you live on the streets, you're going to have to lose a lot of it. C'mon Trash Can, let's go find something to eat, and then I'll introduce you to the others." Liv began walking in the other direction, and Rachel trailed behind her. She was not going to be called Trash Can for the rest of her life. She may have given up everything, but she still had some respect for herself. She was going to stick it out for a while, until her family forgot about her and went back to Lima, and then she was going to start auditioning for shows, winning hearts out as the homeless girl with no voice.

That was a solid plan, as long as no one who couldn't find her found her.

Ah well, they had time to worry about that.

"Fanny." Rachel stuttered. Liv turned around.

"What?"

"Fanny. That's the name I want to be called. It's my favorite character. I mean, I feel like little orphan Annie right now, but that girl had way too much optimism for the future. Fanny Brice... she's amazing. She's the person I want to be someday."

Liv nodded. "I'm going to call you Fatty, not because you're fat, because I need a mean nickname, so the others don't think I've gone soft. Kay, Fatty?"

...

"I don't understand, Tim. I thought she was happy. I thought that we were finally going to get the opportunity to be a real family after all this time. Why?"

Shelby had been sobbing nonstop for the last six hours. Tim was upset, his girl was gone, but he wasn't going to get all mushy about it. He had begun forming the verses to the next song he was going to write in his head and was debating how Shelby would react if he sat down to write them down. 

He wanted to drive around the city for as long as he could until he found her. But the police said it was almost impossible to find them at night, and that they would have a better chance searching during the day. They didn't seem to understand that it was their child's life on the line, that every hour they wasted sitting here was not going to help her appear into thin air. It was almost morning, and he would leave as soon as he could get Shelby to stop crying. For as long as he had known her, he had always been able to calm her down. He could hold her, or sing to her, but none of that seemed plausible at this point. How do you calm your wife over your not dead child that chose to run away?

"Tim." Her voice hitched. "I can't stop crying. I can't move. I can't breathe. She's gone. I knew I shouldn't have left home. This is my fault. What if we don't find her? What if we don't find her, and I never see her again?"

Tim was relieved that she had finally calmed down. "We are going to find her, Shel. We're going to figure out why she ran, and we're going to save our girl."

Shelby nodded, finally rising out of the chair. She took a deep breath.

"Let's go find our girl."


End file.
